IMPACT TV report 03/14/2013

Impact is in Chicago tonight and begins with a recap of Lockdown and Bully Ray’s title win and betrayal of the Hogan family.

Match #1: Tag title match, Chavo and Hernandez versus champions Austin Aries and Bobby Roode.

Chavo and Hernandez come out first, but before Aries and Roode are even introduced, Aces and Eights run into the ring and destroy Chavo and Hernandez.  Bully Ray introduces himself as the President of Aces and Eights and brags about using Sting, screwing Brooke, and making a fool of Hogan and all of us.

Bully Ray dares Hogan to fire all of them, claiming Hogan doesn’t have the balls. In the back, Sting is pacing angrily. Sting tells us he needs to get Bully Ray and he needs to talk to Hogan.


When we return, Gail Kim offers her condolences to Brooke Hogan, and thanks Brooke for putting referee Taryn Tyrrell on probation. In the Knockouts title match at Lockdown, Taryn and Gail got into a brawl that resulted in Velvet Sky pinning Gail Kim.

Match #1:  Tara and Gail Kim versus Mickie James and Velvet Sky.

Velvet and Gail Kim start the match off. Velvet gets Gail in a headlock; Gail escapes and knocks Velvet to the mat with a shoulder block. Velvet trips Gail up and then takes her down with a Japanese armdrag. Velvet knocks Gail down and tags in Mickie; Velvet and Mickie double team Gail.  Mickie lands a punch, a kick and then an Enzuigiri.


When we return, Mickie and Tara are fighting back and forth in the corner. Tara gets Mickie in a tarantula; a hold which has to be broken before a count of 5 because it is applied in the ropes.

Mickie falls out to the floor and Gail rolls her back in. Gail and Tara hit Mickie with a double slingshot vertical suplex. Gail puts the boot to Mickie’s face; Mickie escapes and hits Gail with a hurricanrana. Mickie clotheslines Gail and tags in Velvet. Gail makes it to her corner and tags in Tara.

Velvet hits Tara with a pair of clotheslines and a back elbow. Velvet takes Tara down with a side Russian leg sweep. Gail enters the ring and starts to argue with referee Taryn Tyrrell and then pushes her. Taryn slaps Gail.

Mickie goes to the top rope and hits Gail with a Thesz Press. Tara and Velvet are still the two legal wrestlers.  In the confusion, Velvet hits Tara with “In YO Face” for the win.

In the Aces and Eights clubhouse, the evildoers are celebrating their success. Bully Ray remarks that he hasn’t heard from his wife lately. Bully calls Brooke’s cell phone and leaves a message asking why she won’t return his calls, and then he tells her to say hi to dad. All the evil people laugh triumphantly.

Match #2:  Robbie E versus Rob Terry.

Robbie tells us that Rob Terry’s win at Lock Down was a fluke, and he won’t be so lucky tonight. Robbie lands a couple punches to start things off. Terry seems unimpressed and flattens Robbie with a shoulder block.

Terry throws Robbie E around the ring a couple times and then flattens him with a running elbow. Terry picks Robbie up and plants him with a jackhammer, then the freakbuster for the win. Terry does his silly dancing routine after.


When we return, Bully Ray and the rest of Aces and Eights pick a random person to take out later tonight. It looks like we’ll have to wait to find out whom.

In the back, Sting approaches Hogan, who does NOT appear receptive. Hogan blames Sting for convincing him that Bully Ray can be trusted. Hogan tells Sting everything that happened is his fault orders him to leave and tells Sting “You make me sick.”


When we return, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode mock Sting. They tell Sting that everything that has gone wrong is his fault. They even claimed that after they defended their tag title against Chavo and Hernandez (the opening match that never happened) that they were going to give Sting and Hogan a shot, but now they can’t.

Sting tells them to shut up and says he wants to fight. Aries tries to argue that Bobby Roode would be the perfect guy to fight Sting, but Bobby has already snuck away. Sting tells Aries they are fighting tonight.

Back in the ring, Kirsty Hemme introduces AJ Styles. AJ’s music comes out, but no AJ.  Instead, Kaz and Daniels come out in Road Warrior face paint. The Road Warriors are from Chicago.

Kaz and Daniels brag about being better than the Road Warriors, and instead of ending the promo with “What a rush!” like the Road Warriors did, he says “What a tush” and points at his ass. Daniels and Kaz then give us permission to worship them.  B

Before any serious worshipping can take place, James Storm comes out to interrupt them.  Storm wants to know which one of them wants to fight him.

Match #3:  James Storm versus Christopher Daniels.

Storm starts off strong and lands a couple punches and a backdrop. Kaz steps up on the edge of the apron and Storm slams Daniels into him. Shortly after, Kaz trips Storm up while the ref is distracted.

Daniels whips Storm hard into the corner and then hits him with several knee strikes.  Daniels takes Storm over with a snapmare. Storm and Daniels exchange several punches.  Storm hits Daniels with an inverted atomic drop and tries for eye of the Storm but Daniels slips out.

Daniels hits Storm with a urinagi and then misses with the BME. Storm hits Daniels with Closing time and then follows up with a backstabber for the win. After the match, Daniels and Kaz attack Storm and beat him down.

AJ Styles finally makes his way to the ring and chases Kaz and Daniels out, saving Storm.  When Storm staggers to his feet, AJ clotheslines him and then leaves the Impact Zone.

After the match, we get a recap of the Lockdown match between Kurt Angle and Wes Brisco, which Brisco won after interference from Aces and Eights. I don’t care how big of a screw job it was; Wes Brisco beating Kurt Angle in a steel cage is just horribly, horribly wrong.

In the back, Wes Brisco is seen taunting Kurt Angle. Angle attacks and is beaten down by the rest of Aces and Eights who were waiting in ambush.


When we return, Joe Park is making his way to the ring wearing a suit. Joe Park is here to tell us that being a part of the Impact roster and appearing live before his home town of Chicago is one of the proudest moments of his life, right up there with graduating first in his class at law school and making partner at the firm of Park, Park and Park.

Park is interrupted by Matt Morgan. Morgan is laughing about the mistakes Hogan has been making lately, especially trusting Bully Ray, and also hiring Joe Park. Morgan says he’s going to start correcting some of Hogan’s mistakes and orders Joe to leave.

Joe starts to leave, but then decides he’d rather stay and fight. Morgan says they aren’t going to fight on Park’s time, but on Morgan’s time, and starts to leave. As soon as Park turns his back on Morgan, Morgan kicks him in the head with the Carbon Footprint and tells Park’s unconscious body “and my time is next week.”


Match #4:  Austin Aries versus Sting.

The two men lock up and then push each other. Aries gets Sting in a headlock, takes him to the mat, and then spins on top of him before posing on top of the top turnbuckle. Aries gets Sting in a headlock, but Sting picks Aries up, places him in the corner, and kicks him repeatedly.

Sting goes for a Stinger splash but Aries gets out of the way. Roode gets in a sneaky trip and Sting is out on the floor. Sting and Roode fight outside the ring and Sting hits Roode with a Stinger splash against the guard rail. Aries goes to the top rope and tries to hit Sting with a double axe handle but hits Roode by mistake.


When we return, Sting and Aries are trading strikes. Sting is getting the better of the exchange and clothesline Aries to the floor. Roode starts screaming and yelling and the ref sends him to the back.

Aries takes advantage of the distraction and kicks the ropes up into Sting’s groin as Sting was re entering the ring. Aries hits Sting with a suicide dive and then rolls him back into the ring. Aries hits Sting with an elbow, a snapmare, and then a missile dropkick to the back of the head.

Aries hits Sting with another kick to the back of the head. Sting gets to his feet and they exchange some more strikes until Aries hits Sting with a dropkick to the knee.  Aries claps his arms around Sting’s head and Sting does the same to Aries. That move never really looked painful to me. Aries tries for a Scorpion death lock but seems to have trouble figuring out what to do, and Sting is able to kick Aries off.

Sting lands a punch and then takes Aries down with a clothesline. Sting goes for the Scorpion death lock, but Aries slides out to the floor. Sting makes his way to the edge of the ring to pursue Aries, but Aries snaps Sting’s head down on the top rope.  Aries climbs to the top rope and hits Sting with a missile dropkick but Sting no-sells it and pops back up immediately.

Sting military press slams Aries and goes for a Stinger Splash but misses. Aries hits Sting with a running dropkick and then a Stinger Splash! Aries tries to get Sting up for the brain buster but Sting slips out and hits Aries with the Scorpion death drop!

Aries kicks out at 2 but then Sting hits him with a Stinger splash! Sting applies the Scorpion death lock and Aries looks in trouble. Before Aries can tap out, Aces and Eights come in and attack Sting and Aries. The match gets thrown out and Sting and Aries get beat up. Bully Ray asks where Hogan is and dares him to come out and fire them.


When we return, Hulk Hogan comes out in crutches. Hogan tells us that firing them would be too easy, it would be the cowards way out. Instead, he’s empowered everyone in TNA to come out and go after Aces and Eights.

Several TNA stars come out, including Angle, Samoa Joe, and they all attack Aces and Eights. The brawl goes back and forth for a while, but eventually Aces and Eights beat everyone down, with Bully Ray finishing them off with his steel chain.

Bully Ray then walks towards Hogan and asks him if this is memorable enough for him.  Bully tells Hogan his cavalry is dead and asks what is he going to do now?


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