Impact TV report for 08/31/2012

This week’s broadcast of Impact Wrestling begins with a recap of the huge brawl between the wrestlers of TNA and the gang of thugs known as Aces and Eights that ended last week’s show.

We go to the Impact Zone live and the first person to the ring is the TNA heavyweight champion and self professed greatest man that ever lived, Austin Aries. Aries has his right arm taped up after being attacked last week by Aces and Eights, and he gives them credit for doing it. Aries also tells us that while he may not be medically cleared to wrestle, he can still fight, and he wants to fight whoever is behind Aces and Eights tonight.

Hogan and Sting come out carrying baseball bats and they tell Aries they are here to support him. Hogan also says he’s back now and he’s ready for a bloodbath with Aces and Eights. Aces and Eights interrupt them on the big screen and tells Hogan and Aries that they will let them know what Aces and Eights are all about, but when they choose, and on their terms.


When we return, ODB is still trying to get in touch with her husband, Eric Young. She sent Eric out for some chicken and beer weeks ago and he still hasn’t come back. I think her fish are still jumping to, she said they were last week.

Match #1:  RVD versus James Storm.

The two men lock up and RVD quickly gets behind Storm and locks up his waist. Storm lands an elbow to escape and then puts RVD in a headlock. RVD tries to get out of the headlock and repeatedly fails until he finally drops Storm with a suplex. The two men get back to their feet and Storm re-applies the headlock.

Van Dam frees himself by whipping Storm into the ropes and Storm responds with a shoulder block. Storm whips RVD to the ropes and charges, but RVD drops into a split to avoid him. RVD gets to his feet and Storm drops him with a forearm shot. Storm and RVD exchange a series of strikes in the corner. RVD backdrops Storm to the edge of the ring and then knocks him to the floor with a kick to the head. RVD slingshots himself out of the ring and onto Storm, flattening him.


When we return Storm is in control and going for a cover, but Van Dam kicks out. Storm goes for a kick but RVD catches it and drops Storm with a spinning back kick. Van Dam hits Storm with Rolling Thunder and both men are down. They both get to their feet.  Storm lands a kick and then follows up with a jumping DDT for a two count.

Storm picks RVD up for “Eye of the Storm” (A spinning crucifix toss) and RVD hits the mat hard. It wasn’t clear to me if Storm dropped him or RVD slipped out, but Van Dam hit hard and Storm gets a two count. RVD hits Storm with a big monkey flip, and then tries to follow up with another monkey flip but Storm blocks it.  Storm lands a big kick to the head and pins RVD for the win!  Storm has now clinched a spot in the Final Four in the Bound For Glory (BFG) series.


When we return, Madison Rayne is telling us that she received a call from Knockouts GM Brooke Hogan telling her she has a match tonight. Madison assumes this is her rematch for the title and calls out Brooke Tessmacher, but it’s ODB that comes out. ODB says she also got a call from Brooke Hogan, and then tells Madison that her real opponent tonight is ODB.  ODB runs to the ring after yelling “the bitch is back!”

Match #2:  Madison Rayne versus ODB.  Squash match.  ODB wins in about a minute, maybe less.

After the match, ODB’s missing husband, Eric Young, finally shows up. He is carrying chicken and beer and wearing a suit. (Actual chicken and beer, not the album Chicken and Beer by Ludacris.)

ODB wants to know where the hell he’s been, and he explains that he went to Hollywood and became a star. Apparently he has been doing a fishing show on Animal Planet. ODB says that’s fine, but asks who the hell he is now. Eric admits something is wrong, and it’s the suit.

The insane fishing TV star strips of his suit in the middle of the ring and then makes out with his butch alcoholic wife wearing nothing but skimpy USA underwear. They really do make a lovely couple. I’m not even trying to be funny, they are adorable together.

In the back, AJ tells us he’s grateful the situation with Claire is finally over. I think we can all agree on that.  That whole storyline absolutely sucked.


When we return, Sting and Hogan are in the office talking tough.  They’re getting ready to talk to Kaz and Daniels about their recent attempts to blackmail AJ. Kaz tries to get Sting and Hogan to calm down, and calls Sting “Heath” when he speaks to him. This was an obvious reference to the late Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker, which seems to be the inspiration for Sting’s current character.

They remind Hogan that they have iron clad contracts and are the reigning tag champions. Hogan tells them they are his champs and he’s going to make them fight, and he hopes they get their brains beat in. That’s not really much of a punishment; they were going to have to fight someone to defend their titles anyway.  Hoping they lose isn’t punishment. I hope Mitt Romney loses; I don’t think he feels punished by my hope.


Match #3:  AJ Styles versus Samoa Joe.

The match starts off with Joe landing a couple leg kicks.  AJ tries to grab Joe’s arm but doesn’t get it. Joe knocks AJ down and then whips him into the ropes. AJ leapfrogs Joe and then goes out to the floor to regroup. AJ gets back in the ring and puts Joe in a headlock. Joe escapes and knocks AJ down with a shoulder block.  AJ trips Joe into the corner and then hits him with a shoulder block. AJ tries a suplex but can’t get Joe up.

Joe hits AJ with an elbow, AJ responds by trapping Joe in the ropes. AJ lands a couple kicks and then dropkicks Joe to the floor. AJ slingshots himself out of the ring at Joe, but Joe punts him in the gut before he lands. Joe rolls AJ in and hits him with a chop, a kick, and a knee drop. AJ tries to fight back with some punches, but Joe takes AJ down with a scoop powerslam. Joe and AJ trade forearms and Joe knocks AJ down. Joe gets AJ in a crossface and AJ tries to get to the ropes.

AJ nearly makes it to the ropes, but Joe pins his arms behind his back and changes submission holds. AJ eventually manages to get a foot to the rope and force Joe to break. AJ and Joe exchange some more strikes and AJ appears to be getting the upper hand. Joe whips AJ to the corner and charges, but AJ gets his boots up at the last second and Joe drops. AJ picks Joe up, Joe slides out, and AJ hits him with the Pele kick.  AJ tries for an armbreaker submission but Joe gets to the ropes.

Joe’s arm appears hurt, possibly related to the chair shot to the arm he took last week from his former partner, Magnus. AJ hits Joe with a flying forearm and then whips him into the ropes. AJ charges, but Joe gets him up high with his good arm and then slams him to the mat. Joe goes for a rear naked choke but AJ counters and tries to roll Joe up for the pin. Joe gets out and tries the choke again and locks it in. AJ manages to reverse it and catches Joe in an armbreaker again! Joe is acting like he’s in pain, but he manages to stack AJ up on his shoulders and pin him for the win!


When we return, it’s Gut Check time. The current gut check contestant is Kris Lewie, who lost last week to Gunner. Taz gives his impression and he tells Lewie he’s not ready yet. Bruce Pritchard is next and he’s a little more brutal. He tells Lewie that he knows wrestling is his dream, but it’s time to wake up from the dream and realize that this business is not for him.  With two votes against him already, Al Snow’s third vote doesn’t matter. Hopefully they wish Kris Lewie the best of luck in all his future endeavors.

As the Gut Check segment comes to a close, Joey Ryan starts yelling that Gut Check is a farce with a bullhorn from the crowd.  Al Snow and Bruce Prichard go to confront him and Ryan throws a cup of something in Al’s face. Al chases Ryan through the crowd as Prichard waddles after them.


When we return, Joe Park is offering to help Hogan and Sting with Aces and Eights. Apparently, they’ve broken some laws, and he wants to investigate them. Hogan says if he can help, great.  Sting repeatedly mumbles “kayfabe.”

Match #4:  Kurt Angle versus Jeff Hardy.

Both men need to win to have a shot at making the Final Four in the Bound For Glory series. Angle scores the first takedown, Hardy reverses and ties up Angles arm; Angle reverses and puts Hardy in a headlock. Angle knocks Hardy down with a shoulder block, then takes him down again with a fireman’s carry and applies an armbar.

Hardy gets to his feet and Angle knocks him down again. Hardy takes Kurt down with an armdrag, and Angle uses his feet to push Hardy to the corner. Angle lands a couple forearms and a couple punches, but Hardy responds with a headscissors takedown that sends Angle sprawling to the floor.

Hardy kicks Angle away from the ring and then flies off the top rope onto Angle. Hardy and Angle re enter the ring and hardy lands a series of strikes. Angle whips Hardy to the ropes and then clotheslines him.


When we return, Angle has Hardy in a kravat, but Hardy quickly escapes. Angle lands some punches and Hardy responds with a running double axe handle. Hardy grabs Angle’s legs and hits a double leg drop and follows up with a basement dropkick. Hardy tries for the Twist of Fate, but Angle slips out of it and hits Hardy with 3 German Suplexes, releasing him with the third.  Angle tries to take Hardy up with an Angle Slam but Hardy escapes it and hits the Twist of Fate!

Hardy goes for a cover but gets only two. Hardy hits Angle with a couple more strikes and then hits Whisper in the wind but only gets a two count. Angle gets to his feet and throws Hardy with a belly to belly overhead release suplex. Angle follows up with the Angle slam but gets only two! Angle tries for an ankle lock but Hardy reverses and hits Twist of Fate!

Hardy goes to the top rope and hits the Swanton but only gets two!! Angle applies the ankle lock but Hardy kicks him off. Hardy knocks Angle down with a kick and then goes to the top again.  Angle runs up the ropes to cut him off, but Hardy pushes him back down to the mat. Hardy hits the Swanton again and this time gets the three count for the win!  Hardy is still barely alive in the BFG series, but Angle appears to be out of it.

After the match, Angle looks like he’s crying. Jeremy Borash makes his way to the ring to announce the final five in the BFG series: Jeff Hardy, RVD, Samoa Joe, Bully Ray, and James Storm.  Storm has already qualified for the final four, next week we will have matches to determine who joins him in the final four.


When we return, Austin Aries makes his way to the ring to challenge Aces and Eights. Hogan, Sting, and many of the wrestlers make their way out into the Impact Zone to support Aries. Hogan again tells us that there is going to be a bloodbath if Aces and Eights show up.

Hogan tells them they have their finest wrestler, their champion, in the ring now, and he challenges them to send their finest to face him in the ring one on one. A large masked man makes his way to the ring and he starts brawling with Aries.

The masked man gets an early edge, but Aries takes him down with a double leg, and then mounts and pounds him. The rest of Aces and Eights come to save their “finest” from Aries and a donnybrook breaks out. All the Impact wrestlers and all the Aces and Eights start fighting all over the Impact Zone.

Eventually Aries and the big man representing Aces and Eights start fighting each other again in the middle of the ring. Aries lands a dropkick, but fails to see another Aces and Eights member approach him from behind. The attacker had his face exposed as he entered the ring but quickly covered it.

The new attacker hits Aries in the back of the head with a flapjack and knocks him out cold. As Aces and Eights retreat, Bully Ray tries to point out the one wielding the flapjack, but they’ve all made their escape. Austin Aries is still unconscious as Impact goes off the air.

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