IMPACT TV report for 05/17/2013

Impact begins with Hulk Hogan walking to the ring. Hogan is shocked at how wild Hulkamania is running here in Tupelo. I don’t suffer from Hulkamania, so I’m always a little shocked when it runs wild. Hogan is also shocked that AJ Styles walked out on TNA last week. So Hogan has decided to make a match between AJ Styles and Kurt Angle for Slammiversary.

Hogan has some more announcements; there will be a contract signing later tonight between current champ (and Hogan’s son-in-law) Bully Ray, and Sting. Hogan also wants to thank Abyss for coming to the aid of TNA last week, but Abyss’ brother Joe Park comes out instead.

Joe Park sounds shocked that he finally saw his brother Abyss after all the time he’s spent looking for him. Abyss did show up a couple times when Joe Park was feuding with Bully Ray last year, but I guess he forgot that. Hogan says that Abyss is what TNA needs now, and he wants Joe to get in touch with him and get him here.

Devon comes out with Aces and Eights and says he also wants a piece of Abyss; specifically he says he wants a “chunk of his ass.” I’m not sure why he would rather have a chunk of ass than an arm, leg, or nut; I guess Devon is an ass man.

Joe Park says he wants to fight Devon for the TV title right now; Devon says Park hasn’t beaten anyone, why should he get a TV title shot? D Lo Brown says he wants to kick Park’s ass himself and Devon agrees. D Lo is trying to get back into the club as a full member; right now he’s not allowed to wear a member’s leather vest, he just gets a prospect’s t-shirt.

Hogan makes the match between Park and D Lo and further stipulates that if Joe Park wins he gets a TV title shot against Devon next week.


Match #1:  Bobby Roode versus Chavo Guerrero.

Chavo and Roode lock up. Roode gets behind Chavo but Chavo takes him down with a hip toss.  They lock up again and Roode gets Chavo in a headlock. Chavo whips Roode to the ropes and Roode downs Chavo with a shoulder block. Chavo hip tosses Roode again and then puts him in a headlock.

Chavo sends Roode out to the floor with a hurricanrana. Chavo jumps out onto the ring apron but Roode trips him up and then slams him into the guard rail. Roode hits Chavo with an elbow and then rolls him back into the ring.  Roode hits Chavo with a bodyslam and a knee drop.

Chavo lands a kick and Roode responds with an eye poke followed by a blockbuster. The two men exchange punches until Chavo lands a kick, a shoulder block, and then a slingshot senton. Chavo tries for a tornado DDT but Roode blocks it. Chavo hits three straight vertical suplexes and then climbs to the top.

Roode falls into the ropes, causing Chavo to fall to the floor. James Storm walks to the ring with beer bottle in hand and spits beer into Roode’s face. Roode rolls out to the floor while Storm brandishes the beer bottle as a weapon. The ref calls for the bell, ending the match on a disqualification.


When we return, Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring to call out AJ Styles. AJ doesn’t come out, but Ken Anderson does.

Anderson says that Angle sounds like a woman. That could be an insult I suppose, but it really depends which woman he sounds like. If he sounds like Fran Drescher, that’s a problem, but if he sounds like Grace Jones that could be pretty intimidating.

Anderson says AJ will be joining Aces and Eights next week, and he double dog dares Angle to come. Angle says he doesn’t want to wait a week for a fight and pummels Ken Anderson. AJ Styles comes up behind Angle and knocks him down with an enzuigiri. Anderson celebrates at ringside.


Match #2: Gut Check Winner Jay Bradley versus Gut Check Winner Christian York.  The winner gets one step closer to qualifying for the Bound For Glory Series.

Jay gets off to a strong start and lands a long series of strikes; elbows, chops, punches, and a big boot to the head. Bradley puts York in a chin lock but York gets out of it. York hits Jay with a springboard back elbow and Bradley responds with a bodyslam. York hits Bradley with an enzuigiri and a hurricanrana.

York hits Bradley in the corner with a running back senton. The two men exchange punches again until York lands a pair of kicks.  York climbs to the top rope but Bradley dodges.  Bradley hits York with the Boomstick clothesline for the win.


When we return, Brooke Hogan is talking to Mickie James and tells her she will get a title shot at Velvet Sky next week.  They are interrupted by Brooke’s ‘husband’ Bully Ray. Bully tells Brooke to tell ‘dad’ that the contract signing with Sting later tonight is going to be more of a negotiation.  Bully also promises to never divorce Brooke.

Match #3: Gail Kim versus Velvet Sky.

Gail and Velvet start fighting immediately. Velvet is going into the match with an injured leg. Velvet gets the early advantage and scores with a pair of arm drags and several kicks followed by a hurricanrana. Gail blocks a kick and then goes after the injured leg of Velvet Sky.

Gail pounds and twists Velvet’s leg for several minutes. Gail gets Velvet in a Texas Cloverleaf but Velvet makes it to the ropes. Gail puts her boot to Velvet’s face in the corner. Gail lands a pair of kicks and climbs to the top rope. Velvet cuts her off and throws her to mat, but can’t capitalize because of her bad leg.

Velvet manages to land a pair of clotheslines before her knee gives out and she falls to the mat again. Velvet lands a kick and then tries to tie Gail up for “In Yo Face” but Gail blocks it. Gail twists Velvet’s bad leg, but Velvet pushes Gail off with her good leg.

Gail hits the corner and Velvet rolls her up as she bounces out of the corner and covers her for the three count!  After the match, Gail attacks Velvet and puts her in a figure four leg lock in the steel post.

After the match, the three men fighting for the X division title tonight (Chris Sabin, Kenny King, and Petey Williams) talk a little trash. Sabin says Kenny King is the king of nothing, except maybe male strippers. (Why is that bad?  If people paid me money to strip, I’d be naked now. And I wouldn’t tell you about it either, so now you’ll have to wonder every week.)

Kenny King calls Sabin “Frail Sabin” (a pun on the “Hail Sabin” chant that often accompanies Sabin to the ring) and declares himself royalty, and Petey Williams thinks he’s got it figured out.

Next week, Suicide returns.


Match #4: Chris Sabin versus Petey Williams versus Kenny King.

King rolls out to the floor as the match starts leaving Sabin and Petey to fight each other. Williams puts Sabin in a headlock but Sabin escapes and twists Petey’s arm. Sabin takes Williams down with a series of armdrags. Williams trips Sabin into the ropes, and then King reaches in to trip up Williams.

King drags Williams to the floor and then enters the ring himself. Sabin trips King and then hits him with some chops and a kick. King responds with an elbow and a rolling wheel kick. Petey dropkicks Sabin out to the floor but then gets choked on the top rope by King. King hits Williams with a punch and then hits Sabin with a baseball slide dropkick.  King hits Petey with a body slam and springboard legdrop.

King tries to tie up Petey’s arm and head, but Williams gets free. King snaps Williams’ head on the top rope while leaping to the floor. Sabin hits King with a couple forearms and then a suplex. Sabin and Williams exchange strikes and Williams knocks Sabin to the floor.

Petey hits Sabin with a suicide dive and then hits King with a side Russian leg sweep back in the ring. Petey hits King with a cradle DDT and gets a 2 count. Sabin lands several strikes to Williams and then tries a tornado DDT on King but King blocks it. King hits Sabin with a pair of kicks and then hits Williams with a swinging neckbreaker.  Sabin hits King with an enzuigiri and a back kick to the gut.

Sabin hangs King upside down in the corner. Petey tries to hit Sabin with the Canadian destroyer but Sabin blocks it and throws Williams into King. Sabin powerbombs Williams but is then hit with a flying knee by King. King hits Sabin with the Royal Flush for the win.


Match #5: Christopher Daniels with Kaz versus Hernandez.

Hernandez pushes Daniels to the corner; Daniels responds with an eye poke, a kick, and an eye rake. Daniels tries a bodyslam but can’t get Hernandez up. Hernandez drops Daniels with a delayed vertical suplex. Hernandez hits Daniels with a backbreaker and then walks up the entrance ramp.

Hernandez runs back to the ring and leaps over the top rope into Daniels. Hernandez lands a kick but is then tripped by Kaz. Daniels hits Hernandez in the back with a clubbing blow. Daniels hits Hernandez with a neckbreaker and then throws him to the floor where Kaz stomps on him.

Hernandez climbs back up to the edge of the ring and slingshots himself into Daniels. Hernandez knocks Daniels down a couple more time and then misses a Stinger splash. James Storm walks out to the ring with a beer again.  Hernandez knocks Daniels down again after the distraction and covers him for the win!

After the match, Storm announces that he was told by Hogan that at Slammiversary, Chavo and Hernandez will have to defend against Roode/Aries, Bad Influence, and James Storm with a partner of his choosing.


Match #6: D Lo versus Joe Park.

D Lo starts off with a knee, a punch, and a bodyslam. Park responds with several awkward looking punches. D Lo throws Park to the floor and slams his head into the edge of the ring before throwing him back in. Park lands a few more punches, D Lo responds with a dropkick to the knee followed by a shining wizard.

D Lo hits park with a clothesline but misses a Stinger splash. D Lo hits Park with a leg lariat and then pummels him in the corner.  D lo punches at the head of Park repeatedly until his knuckles get bloody. Park sees the blood on his hands and in his eyes and becomes enraged.

Park hits D Lo with a pair of stiff clotheslines and a Stinger splash and then beats him with a Black Hole Slam!!   After the match, Park regains his composure and asks what happened.


When we return Jeremy Borash is in the ring behind a podium. Jeremy calls out Bully Ray and Sting for their contract signing. Bully comes out first and violently shoves Borash out of the ring and asks if we know who he is. He tells us in case some people forgot. Bully also calls out Sting and Hogan.

Sting comes to the ring and Hogan waits outside the ring. Bully notes that this is the first time he’s been face to face with Sting since he screwed him, Hogan, and especially Hogan’s daughter. Bully says he is apologizing for none of it.  Sting says Bully should probably break his arm in two, break his legs and make him bleed.

Sting says if Bully Ray does NOT do those things, then Sting will definitely do them to Bully Ray, with emphasis on the bleeding. Sting says he wants the match to be no holds barred. Bully says a lot of people would probably like to see him bleed at Sting’s hands, but he doesn’t seem scared.

Bully says if Sting wants a no holds barred match, he’s got it on 1 condition; if Sting loses he is never allowed to compete for the TNA title again. Hogan tells Sting not to do it, but Bully tells Hulk to shut up and asks Sting if he’s going to let Hogan tell him what to do again.

Sting says yes and Bully pushes him. Sting responds with a punch and they start punching back and forth. Sting appears to be getting the upper hand as Impact goes off the air.

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