IMPACT TV report 11/01/2012

TNA begins with a recap of last week’s show involving Aces and Eights,  Kurt Angle and Jeff Hardy.  The first person to the ring when the show begins is attorney Joseph Park.

Park wants to fight someone from Aces and Eights to get some revenge after they kidnapped and tortured him.  Park says he hasn’t gotten an answer from Hogan, but he doesn’t need one.  This week is Open Fight Night and Park is calling out anyone from Aces and Eights.  Four members of the biker gang come out and surround Park.

Park gets beat down until Angle comes to the rescue, then Angle gets beat down.  Sting comes to the rescue next and he’s got a bat in hand; Aces and Eights scatter.  After they leave, Sting promises that someone from Aces and Eights will get unmasked tonight.

Later tonight, we will see Devon versus Bully Ray, ODB versus Jesse, and Christian York competing in this week’s Gut Check segment.  Before the break, Magnus tells us he is going to call out former partner, TV champ Samoa Joe.


Jesse and Tara are in the back.  Jesse seems scared to fight ODB and Tara tries to comfort him.  Jesse is afraid he’ll catch an infection from ODB and asks Tara to sterilize him.  Tara makes a joke about having to adopt kids if he’s sterilized, but she didn’t sound like she was joking.

Magnus comes to the ring and insults Samoa Joe, calling him the Howard Stern of TNA:  He’s popular, but has a face for radio.  Magnus calls Joe out as the crowd chants “Joe’s gonna kill you!”  That’s probably my second favorite chant after “You’re gonna get your fuckin’ head kicked in!” which is what ROH fans used to chant at Bryan Danielson’s (AKA Daniel Bryan’s) opponents.

Match #1 Samoa Joe versus Magnus.

Joe starts out with a series of strikes and rips of Magnus’ shirt.  Joe lands a kick, a headbutt, and another punch.  Magnus responds with a kick but Joe hits him with an inverted atomic drop.  Joe hits Magnus with a senton and more strikes.  After an Irish whip, Magnus leapfrogs Joe and then hits him in the head with a high knee.

The two men exchange several strikes; Joe gets the edge and applies the rear naked choke.  Magnus escapes and sends Joe to the corner.  Magnus charges at Joe, but Joe catches him and slams him to the mat with an STO.   Joe clotheslines Magnus to the floor.  Joe pursues and they exchange punches on the floor.  Magnus grabs a wrench from under the ring and hits Joe in the head with it, knocking him out.  The ref DQ’s Magnus, and the unconscious Samoa Joe is the winner.


When we return, Sting, Hogan, and Joseph Parks are talking about Aces and Eights.  Angle interrupts and says he wants to fight Devon to payback Aces and Eights for their attack on him last week.  Hogan reminds Angle that Bully Ray is fighting Devon tonight, but he says Angle can fight Devon at Turning Point.  Garrett Bischoff and Wes Briscoe also express a desire to fight Aces and Eights tonight, and Sting tells them all they’re going to unmask someone tonight.


When we return, Joe tells us he wants to face Magnus in a no DQ match at Turning Point.  The crowd chants Joe’s gonna kill you.  Jeff Hardy is in the back with his eyes closed, but we can still see his eyes because he has two sets; one over the lids and one under.   We can also hear his voice even though his lips aren’t moving.  You know who else has lips that never move, and has multiple sets of eyes?  Mr. Potato head!   Could they be related?   …    (no, they can’t be)

Kaz and Daniels come to the ring next.  They complain about new tag champs Chavo and Hernandez and then call out…Hector Guerrero and Willie Urbina, the Spanish announce team.


Kaz and Daniels are still trying to get Hector and Willie to fight and some pushing ensues.  Kaz accuses them of being MexiCANTs instead of MexiCANs.  Chavo and Hernandez come out to help (Hector is Chavo’s uncle, of course) and Kaz and Daniels retreat.


When we return, ODB is trying to call her husband, Eric Young, to get him to come and watch her match with Jesse.  She also wants some fried chicken.

Gut Check Match:  Christian York versus Zema Ion.

York starts the match off with several strikes, Zema responds with a hurricanrana.  York responds with some more kicks, including a flipping kick, and then takes Zema down with a half nelson suplex.  York climbs to the top rope and Zema retreats to the floor.  York tries to pull Zema back in, but Zema snaps his head down on the top rope and then follows up with a DDT.  Zema lands a kick, York lands a few punches.

Zema rakes Yorks eyes.  Zema hits York with a suplex, a leg drop, and a moonsault.  York responds with a clothesline, a kick, and his finishing move “mood swing” that looks sort of like CrossRhodes.  Zema kicks out at 2.  Zema goes out to the floor and York pursues and Zema backdrops him back towards the ring.  York bounces of the ropes and takes Zema down with a hurricanrana.

The two men re enter the ring and Zema knocks York to the mat.  Zema applies his submission finisher “Submission Impossible” and York taps out.  Zema Ion wins.


When we return, Garrett Bischoff tells Bully Ray that he’s got his back if he needs it tonight in his match against Devon.  Bully is appreciative.  Bully and Bischoff hear that Aces and Eights is nearby and they go looking for a fight.  Bully, Bischoff, Sting, and Angle all start brawling with aces and eights until the biker gang flees.

Match:  ODB versus Jesse.

ODB gets the early advantage and lands several chops.  Jesse is missing with every punch he throws, and eventually ODB is able to use her vagina as a weapon by slamming Jesse’s face into it repeatedly.  ODB jumps off the top rope but Jesse sidesteps and ODB hits the mat hard.  Jesse bodyslams ODB and the crowd boos.  Jesse and Tara kiss, and ODB bodyslams Jesse.  ODB puts Jesse on her knee and spanks his ass!  Tara jumps up on the ring apron and distracts ODB.  Jesse comes up from behind and rolls ODB up, pulling on her tights to get the win.

Robbie E and Robbie T walk to the ring in their adorable matching argyle sweaters.  Robbie says that he’s calling out TNA champ Jeff Hardy.  Robbie reminds us that he did beat Jeff once during the BFG series, and then he points out “Lighting always strikes twice!”  Hardy gets the early advantage with some strikes and then slams Robbie to the mat.

Hardy goes to the top rope and hits Robbie with a frog splash and gets a 2 count.  Robbie retreats to the floor and then pulls Hardy to the floor.  They exchange punches and then Hardy slams Robbie into the steel steps.  Jeff hits Robbie with poetry in motion by jumping over the steel steps and knocking Robbie into the security barrier.  Hardy rolls Robbie back into the ring, and Big Robbie T yanks Hardy back to the floor.


Hardy lands a couple flying forearm shots and then hits Robbie T with a baseball slide dropkick.  Hardy knocks Robbie down and tries Twist of Fate, but Robbie retaliates with a DDT.  Hardy responds with some punches, a kick, and a front suplex.  Hardy puts Robbie down with twist of fate and then gets the win with a swanton bomb.

After the match, Austin Aries comes out with the original TNA title and insists he’s still the best.  Hardy challenges him to prove it by facing him in a ladder match.  Aries claims he’s a wrestler not a ladder climber.

Hulk Hogan is shown selling merchandise at his new beach shop.  Hogan gets interrupted by Matt Morgan.  Morgan looks at Hogan’s memorabilia and steals the robe he wore at Shea stadium.  Hogan says “You can’t take that, it’s mine” and Morgan says “I just did.  Do you really want to get embarrassed in front of your fans?”


When we return, Bobby Roode makes his way to the ring.  Now that Austin Aries is no longer champ, Roode wants to get back in the title picture.  Roode is interrupted by AJ Styles.  AJ is in a bad mood.  AJ tells Roode that while Roode spent a year as TNA champ, he was busy with his own issues:  being photographed entering an elevator with a member of the opposite sex and accused of having an affair with his boss.

AJ thinks this must be a new fad if your name is AJ.  Styles is of course referring to the storyline over at WWE in which John Cena was set up to look like he was having an affair with his boss, AJ Lee.  I actually do like WWE more than TNA, but WWE has flagrantly stolen some storylines from TNA lately.  AJ challenges Roode to a fight right now as part of Open Fight Night.

Roode refuses, but then hits AJ with a cheap shot from behind.  AJ hits Roode with a punch and then clotheslines him to the floor.  Hogan and James Storm come out.  Hogan says that at Turning Point, there will be a 3 way match between Storm, Roode, and AJ.  The winner of the match becomes the #1 contender, the person that gets pinned will not be allowed a title shot until next year’s Bound For Glory.


Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan make their way to the ring; Morgan is wearing the robe he stole from Hogan.  It’s a nice robe, not up to Flair’ standards, but not bad.  Morgan promises to take out everyone on the TNA roster until he is the world champion.  Joey Ryan tells us that he usually tries to avoid VD, but tonight he’s going to get him some R VD.  Ryan challenges RVD to a fight.

Match: RVD versus Joey Ryan with Matt Morgan.

RVD starts the match off with a clothesline. Joey Ryan lands a punch, but then RVD lands several strikes and slams Ryan into the corner.  RVD hits Ryan with a LOT of shoulder blocks and then a spin kick.  RVD hits Ryan with rolling thunder and then goes to the top rope.  RVD tries a frog splash but Morgan pulls Ryan out of the way.  Ryan rolls RVD up, pulls the tights, and gets the win.

After the match, RVD goes after Joey Ryan, but Morgan knocks him out with the Carbon Footprint.


When we return, Bully Ray walks to the ring to challenge Devon.  Devon comes out and enters the ring, and then promptly leaves again, smiling.  Devon re enters the ring as Bully Ray sets up a table in the ring.  Devon exits the ring again and calls for backup.  Several members of Aces and Eights show up, but Bully Ray is able to keep them at bay with his chain.

Sting comes out followed by several other TNA wrestlers to help Bully Ray out. Eventually the ring clears and only Bully and Devon remain.  Bully lands a big punch, but one of the larger Aces and Eights members comes into the ring to save Devon.  Devon and Bully Ray leave the ring and legendary lawyer Joseph Park enters the ring to confront the large Aces and Eights member (who is actually not quite as large as Joseph).

The biker beats Joseph Park down, but Joseph grabs his mask and pulls it off.  The big man under the mask is Luke Gallows!  They don’t call him that, they’re probably going to come up with some new name for him.  Luke puts Joseph Park through the table just before Sting and the others come to the rescue.  Luke, Devon, and the rest of Aces and Eights retreats as Impact goes off the air.

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