IMPACT TV report for 04/04/2013

Impact begins with Aces and Eights walking to the ring. Mr. Anderson is the first person to speak and he calls us all douche bags.  When Anderson is a babyface he calls us assholes, but now we’re douchebags. Anderson offers AJ styles an Aces and Eights leather vest.

Devon is also there and he has a mysterious envelope that he says belongs to Brooke. D Lo Brown also has an envelope, but his contains a termination notce. Apparently D Lo is no longer a TNA executive.  D Lo wants a TNA official to tell him why he got fired. Kurt Angle comes out and tells D Lo that he’s going to let him know exactly how he feels about him.

Angle enters the ring and takes D Lo down with a double leg takedown and starts pounding him. Aces and Eights beat Angle down until several members of the TNA roster come down to help. Aces and Eight retreat. There will be a 10 man tag match later tonight featuring members of Aces and Eights and TNA.

In the back, Joey Ryan offers Brooke Hogan a lollipop and asks for a favor. Brooke reminds him that she is still technically married, and that she already turned him down. Joey says he wants to referee a Knockouts match.

Brooke is short 1 referee since former Knockouts ref Taryn Terell is now a wrestler. Joeys says he has a shirt and a zebra striped thong that he offers to show; sadly, she doesn’t let him. Brooke finally agrees but makes him promise not to touch them.


Match #1:  Tara (with Jesse) and Gail Kim versus Velvet Sky and Taryn Terell.

New Knockouts referee Joey Ryan frisks each of the Knockouts before the match and then pats Velvet Sky on the ass. Joey has already broken the no-touch rule and the bell hasn’t even rung yet. Velvet and Tara start the match.

Tara hits Velvet with a chop and Velvet responds with a pair of clotheslines. Velvet puts Tara in a headlock and Joey starts to give her a backrub. Velvet tags in Taryn. Taryn rolls up Tara twice but Tara kicks out.  Taryn tags in Velvet and they double team Tara. Velvet goes for a cover but Joey just stares at Velvet’s ass.  Ryan fails to call the next pin attempt as well.

Gail seems to be the only one trying to take advantage of Joey Ryan’s sleaziness and starts to flirt with him.  Joey separates Tara and Velvet in the corner and gropes Tara a little bit. Jesse finally seems to be getting upset and takes off his shirt so he can confront Joey and show off his pecs at the same time. Tara goes for a standing moonsault and misses.

Tara tags in Gail and Velvet tags in Taryn. Taryn hits Gail with a pair of clotheslines and a suplex. Taryn climbs to the top and hits Gail with a flying crossbody. Taryn mounts Gail and repeatedly slams Gail’s head into the mat.

Tara hits Taryn with a cheap shot and Velvet knocks Tara out of the ring and into Jesse. Gail starts to flirt some more with Joey and Joey thinks he’s getting lucky. Velvet rolls Gail up for what could have been at least a 10 count but Joey doesn’t even notice, he was too busy taking off his shirt and oiling up his chest to notice.

When Joey does turn around, Gail has reversed the pin and Joey makes a very fast count and declares Gail the winner. After the match Joey looks a little sad to see Gail leaving. He doesn’t seem to know he was just used.  He also doesn’t seem to mind all that much. Joey starts flirting with Velvet and Taryn, the two women he just screwed out of a match because he was too busy trying to get laid.

Predictably, he gets a nut shot from Taryn.


Tag champs Austin Aries and Bobby Roode meet Chavo Guerrero and Hernandez for a tag title contract signing.  Aries decides he wants to add some perks and stipulation, and Chavo agrees and adds a few of his own.  The winner will now receive a fruit basket, green M&Ms, and more money.

The match will also be 2 out of 3 falls, and if Chavo and Hernandez lose, they can never tag again.  Everyone signs, but Hernandez seems concerned.


Gut Check is next. This week’s contestants are former NWA champ Adam Pearce and luchadore Magno. We are shown a video package highlighting each wrestler’s career to this point.

Match #2:  Adam Pearce versus Magno.

The two men exchange several near falls and reversals early. They start trading strikes and Magno takes Pearce down with a tilt a whirl back breaker. Magno lands a couple punches and tries for a springboard crossbody; Pearce catches him and drops him with a spinebuster.

Pearce lands a punch and Magno responds with hurricanrana, a couple clotheslines, and an Enzuigiri.  Magno clotheslines Pearce to the floor and then hits him with a moonsault. Magno goes out after Pearce and then rolls him in. Pearce rolls Magno up and uses the ropes to get a tainted pnfall victory.


When we return, Joe Park is telling Kurt Angle he wants to be part of the fight tonight against Aces and Eights.  Angle tells Park to follow his lead, and if he sees a shot, to take it.

Hulk Hogan walks to the ring and tells us he is going to listen to his gut from now on, and his gut is telling him to call out AJ Styles. AJ comes out, still carrying the Aces and Eights vest the Mr. Anderson gave him earlier.

Hulk thinks AJ has changed and he wants to know what side he’s on. Hogan wants AJ’s help with Aces and Eights and offers his hand.  James Storm comes out and confronts AJ. Storm reminds AJ that they’ve both built this company up from the beginning, and Storm wants to know where AJ stands. Storm threatens to knock AJ out, and AJ just leaves.


After the break, Hogan tells us AJ has one week to make up his mind or he’s done.

Match #3: X Division qualifying match: Sonjay Dutt versus Mason Andrews versus Petey Williams.

The action is fast paced with several rollups and near falls. Mason goes out to the floor and Sonjay hits Williams with a dropkick. Williams trips Sonjay into the ropes and hits him with a dropkick.  Williams hits Mason with a suicide dive on the floor.

Sonjay springs out to the floor but misses both men and hits the ground hard. Mason rolls Williams in and gets a near fall.  Mason stomps Williams and then hits him with a backbreaker. Mason and Williams exchange strikes and Mason gets the edge. Sonjay applies an abdominal stretch to Williams and Mason breaks it up, knocking Sonjay to the floor.

Sonjay springboards back in and knocks both men down with a double dropkick. Sonjay hits Petey with a pendulum kick and knocks him to the floor. Sonjay hits Mason with an inverted DDT and then misses with a moonstomp.  Mason hits Sonjay with a flying knee, and Petey hits Mason with the Canadian destroyer for the win!

In the back, Bully Ray is addressing his evil Aces and Eights gang. Bully is in a bad mood because Kurt Angle attacked them earlier and had enough back up to keep them from taking him out.

He wants Angle taken out tonight.  Bully also says he misses his wife; she took good care of him.  He says after he hands her the envelope he has for her, they can all move forward.


Match #4: 10 man tag. Aces and Eights represented by Wes Brisco, Garrett Bischoff, Doc, Knox, and Devon versus TNA represented by Angle, Samoa Joe, Eric Young, Joseph Park, and Magnus.

Angle is in first, and he hip tosses Wes Brisco into the ring. Angle hits Brisco with a few punches and then stomps on him in the corner. Angle hits Brisco. Angle tags in Magnus and Magnus suplexes Bischoff.

Magnus tags in Joe and Joe hits Bischoff with an inverted atomic drop. Magnus hits Bischoff with a boot and Joe hits Bischoff with a splash. Bischoff rakes Joe’s eyes and tags in Devon. Devon gets pummeled by Joe; many punches, an elbow, an Enzuigiri, a kick, and a knee drop.

Devon tags in Knox and Joe hits Knox with a flying knee. Joe tags in Eric Young and Eric flies off the top rope to hit Knox’s arm. Young and Knox trade strikes and Eric whips Knox out to the floor and hits him with a springboard splash.


When we return from the break, Eric is in control, but Knox soon hits him with several strikes and knocks him to the floor. Knox rolls Eric in and hits him with a leg drop before tagging in Doc. Doc lands a lot of body punches to Eric in the corner and then punches him in the head.

Doc takes Eric down with a clothesline and then hits him with a splash. Doc tags in Devon and Devon lands several punches. Devon has Eric in a neck pinch but Eric gets out of it with an elbow strike.  Devon does a spinarooni and tags in Doc.

Eric hits Doc with a chinbreaker and then an Enzuigiri before tagging in Joe Park. Park lands several punches and clotheslines Doc to the floor. Park hits Wes Brisco with a body slam and a big splash; Devon comes in to save. Everyone gets involved and the action breaks down. Samoa Joe does a sweet suicide dive and bodies fly all over the place until eventually only Devon and Joe Park are left in the ring.

Devon goes for a top rope headbutt and misses. Joe Park starts to climb the rope but stops when he sees Garrett Bischoff and Wes Brisco enter the ring. Park clotheslines Brisco and Bischoff at the same time but gets hit by Devon with a nut shot.  Devon rolls Park up for the win.

In the back, Hulk is talking to his daughter Brooke. Hulk is worried about Brooke going out to meet Bully Ray, but she just wants to get this over with. She thinks Bully has divorce papers and she just wants to sign them and be done with it. She promises to take extra security.


When we return, Bully Ray goes to the ring with Brooke’s envelope in hand. Brooke comes out with her bodyguards and Bully happily says “hi Honey!”  Bully is shocked that Brooke isn’t wearing her wedding ring.

Bully is wearing his ring and thinks “Brookie” should do what she’s told from now on and wear her ring. Bully also wants to let Brooke know that he does not have divorce papers; he has a front row seat to the Corpus Christi show next week when he defends his title against Jeff Hardy in a full metal mayhem match.

Bully tells her to show up looking her best, because lately she’s been letting herself go a little. Brooke slaps Bully and he laughs at her. Bully calls her pathetic and laughs at her some more. Bully says he is so deep in Brooke’s head she can’t get him out, and he says he’s been in her since day one.

Jeff Hardy has heard enough and comes out to attack Bully Ray.  The two men brawl back and forth as Impact goes off the air.

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