IMPACT TV report 02/28/2013

Impact begins with Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan making their way to the Impact Zone. Someone asks them if they have any news on Hulk’s condition, Brooke says he’s better, but Bully says he’s still messed up real bad and doesn’t want to talk about it.

Bully Ray makes his way out to the ring and calls out TNA champion Jeff Hardy. Bully tells Jeff he isn’t sure he deserves to face Hardy for the title at Lockdown, and thinks he was given this shot because he’s now Hulk’s son in law. Bully has been hurt and was not part of the series of 4 matches to determine a number one contender. Hardy says he’s glad Hogan picked Bully Ray: over the years they’ve swung a lot of chairs, climbed a lot of ladders, and busted a lot of tables.

Hardy and Ray are interrupted by Kaz and Daniels. Kaz claims Bully got the title shot as a gift from “Thunderlips” (Hogan’s character from Rocky 3) just like Hulk also gave Bully his daughter Brooke, so someone else could rub suntan lotion on her and post pics of her on Twitter.

This of course refers to the weirdly creepy photos of Hulk and Brooke from a couple years ago. Take a second to shake that image out of your head; you don’t want to think about it anymore. Ever.

Kaz and Daniels claim to be the real men, and give the crowd permission to worship them, but they are interrupted by Bully Ray.  Ray grabs Daniels appletini, drinks it, spits it back into the glass, and then throws it in Daniels face and says “real men don’t drink appletinis” and a brawl ensues. Hardy and Ray chase Kaz and Daniels out of the ring, and Bully Ray challenges them to a tag match later tonight.


When we return, Magnus is lobbying Sting to be part of his team at Lockdown when they face Aces and Eights.

Match #1: Tara with Jesse versus Velvet Sky for the Knockouts title.

Tara starts the match off with a kick and a shoulder block in the corner. Tara tosses Velvet across the ring by her hair. Velvet hits Tara with a kick and a pair of clotheslines. Velvet lands an elbow and takes Tara down with a hurricanrana. Velvet tackles Tara and goes for a pin but Jesse breaks it up.

Referee Taryn Tyrrell throws Jesse out of the ringside area. Velvet hits Tara with a kick and “In Yo Face” (sit out double underhook facebuster) for the win. Gail Kim, the number one contender, notes that the count was a little fast. Gail thinks referee Taryn Tyrrell favors Velvet Sky.

In the back, Austin Aries is on the phone with tag team partner and Frenemy Bobby Roode. Aries is more concerned about a photo shoot than any match when he is interrupted by Chavo Guerrero. Chavo overheard Aries claim to be able to beat anyone and wants to challenge him to a match, but not with Chavo, with Chavo’s partner, Hernandez.


When we return, Kenny king confronts X Division champ RVD. King tells RVD he IS the X division, and RVD replies that King isn’t the champ, RVD is, and RVD has already beaten King for the title twice. King asks if he thinks he can beat him three times. RVD replies that he will give King another title shot tonight, if King agrees to leave the X Division forever if he loses. King agrees.

Match #2:  Austin Aries versus Hernandez.

The two men lock up and Hernandez shoves Aries to the corner. Aries poses on the corner and Hernandez knocks him off. Aries gets Hernandez’ back, but Hernandez gets Aries off and hip tosses him. Hernandez clotheslines Aries to the floor.  Aries hits Hernandez with a shoulder block from the edge of the ring and then sunset flips back in.

Hernandez picks Aries up by the head and then knocks him down. Aries hits Hernandez with an elbow and then climbs to the top. Aries leaps off the top rope but Hernandez catches him. Aries slips out and tosses Hernandez out to the floor. Aries hits Hernandez with a suicide dive and follows up with a double axe handle from the top rope.

Aries rolls Hernandez back into the ring and lands several punches and a snapmare. Aries goes to the top and tries for a frog splash but Hernandez rolls out of the way. Hernandez hits Aries with a slingshot shoulder block and then drops him with a military press slam. Aries hits Hernandez with a discuss forearm and Hernandez responds with a huge tackle knocking Aries to the floor.  Aries starts to walk away and takes his tag title belt with him.

Hernandez grab Aries and throws him back into the ring. Aries hands Hernandez the tag belt, which the ref takes from Hernandez and takes back to ringside.  Aries takes advantage of the distraction by hitting Hernandez with a steel chain and then rolling him up for the win.

Sting is in the back and is still looking for another person to join team TNA versus Aces and Eights at Lockdown. Joseph Park is eating a bunch of ribs and asks Sting to be part of the team. Sting doesn’t seem too interested, but he does seem interested in Matt Morgan. Morgan however, doesn’t want to help Sting because Sting is friends with Hogan, and that makes him guilty by association.


Match #3: Kenny King versus Rob Van Dam.

The two men lock up and King quickly gets RVD in a headlock. RVD escapes and takes King to the mat with a headlock.  King gets out and RVD reapplies the headlock. RVD takes King over with a German Suplex into a bridge, getting a two count.  King invites RVD to pose for the crowd.

Amazingly, RVD does turn his back on King to pose for the crowd. Predictably, King dropkicks Rob in the back, knocking him to the floor. King tries a corkscrew dive but RVD gets out of the way. RVD hits King with a springing back kick and drapes him over the guard rail. RVD leaps off the edge of the ring to hit King with a leg drop.


King suplexes RVD and then pounds him on the mat. RVD responds with a kick and a bodyscissors takedown and pin attempt. King blocks a Van Dam monkey flip attempt, but RVD knocks King down and then hits him with Rolling Thunder. RVD goes to the top rope and tries a 450 splash but King rolls out of the way.  King hits RVD with a kick and then Royal Flush for the win! Kenny King is the new X Division champ!

In the back, Kurt Angle asks Sting who is on the list for the match at Lockdown. Angle seems surprised at one of the names, but seems more interested in some project he has.


When we return, the 5 members of Aces and Eights that will be competing at Lockdown enter the ring, led by Devon. Devon claims Aces and Eights will dominate TNA at Lockdown just like they did at Bound For Glory. Devon is interrupted by Sting, who has come to announce the members of his team:  Samoa Joe, James Storm, Magnus, and one other member, and Sting says it’s going to be “Showtime!”

Ken Anderson thinks this is just Sting repeating his catch phrase and gets annoyed, but Sting was actually referring to “Showtime” Eric Young, who enters the ring and attacks Aces and Eights from behind.  Team TNA chases Aces and Eights out of the ring.

After the match we meet one of tonight’s Gut Check contestants: Ivelise Valez. Ivelise trains in MMA as well and cancelled a fight to be here tonight.


When we return, we see Kurt Angle following the retreating members of Aces and Eights.  We are also introduced to the next Gut Check contestant:  Lei’d Tapa.  She is the niece of the Barbarian.

Match #4: Lei’d Tapa versus Ivelise Valez.

It wasn’t apparent from her intro video, but Lei’d is a BIG woman. Tapa grabs Valez by the throat and picks her up. Valez slips out with an armdrag and lands a kick. Valez gets Tapa in a guillotine, Tapa gets out of it. Valez gets Tapa’s back and applies a rear naked choke. Tapa gets out again and lands a couple kicks.

Tapa knocks Valez down with a couple clotheslines and then a bodyslam. Valez tries to fight back with a couple punches, but the larger Tapa knocks her down with a headbutt. Tapa whips Valez hard into the corner, and then again to the opposite corner.  Valez lands a punch and follows up with a DDT.

Valez takes Tapa down with a hurricanrana but Tapa responds with a big Samoan Drop. Tapa goes for a cover and gets 2. Valez pulls Tapa onto her, wraps her legs around her waist and gets her in a guillotine again and this time Tapa taps. Ivelise Valez wins by submission. Not a bad match.

There have been 2 Knockouts matches tonight and neither of them featured the use of the vagina or buttocks or bosom as a weapon.  Maybe TNA is starting to take women’s wrestling seriously again.

In the back, Austin Aries is looking for Jeff Hardy and finds him.  Aries tells Hardy he’s actually rooting for him in his match against Bully Ray at Lockdown. Aries claims that Bully Ray is now Hulks’ Golden Boy, just like Hardy was when Hardy beat Aries for the title.  I think Aries is being a little disingenuous.


When we return, AJ Styles wife and best friend are being interviewed about what AJ has been up to lately.  His wife seems worried, his friend thinks AJ just arrived. We see enter looking hairier than usual, and unhappy.  He is not happy people from TNA are here and he hops back on his motorcycle and leaves.

Robbie E comes to the ring to call out his friend, Robbie T. The two Robbie’s have not been getting along so well lately (although they do still wear matching sweaters, which is adorable)  Robbie E feels like he has been a bad bro, and that he crossed the line when he slapped bigger Rob.

So Robbie E wants to make it up to him by having another bro-off for old times sake and giving Robbie T the spotlight for once.  Robbie E does his bro dance, which is stupid and yet sort of funny and yields the ring to bigger Rob. Bigger Rob starts his bro dance when Robbie E sneaks up behind him and smashes a large framed picture over his head.  Robbie E celebrates knocking his now ex-bro down, but Robbie T gets up pretty fast and looks mad.  Robbie E runs away scared as Robbie T flexes impressively.

Austin Aries is looking for Bully Ray and finds him lifting weights. Aries tells Ray he’s rooting for him in his title match against Jeff Hardy, despite having told Hardy the opposite just minutes ago. Ray isn’t buying it and tells him to leave.  Aries asks Bully to say hi to Brooke for him.


When we return, we see Kurt Angle enter the Aces and Eights Clubhouse.  Tazz sounds outraged.

Match #5: Kaz and Daniels versus Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy. Daniels and Bully Ray start the match off. Daniels lands a kick and a chop and then salutes the crowd.  Bully Ray hits Daniels with a clothesline and a headbutt to the chest. Ray hits Daniels with a chop so loud that my chest hurt, and then hits him with another one.

Kaz and Daniels double team Bully Ray, take him down with a suplex, and then celebrate with gangnam style dancing. That dance craze is so five minutes ago. Bully Ray knocks them both down and then does some gangnam style dancing of his own. This dance craze has aged dramatically during this match; it now feels older than the Macarena. Bully Ray lands punches and elbows to Kaz and Daniels.  Hardy comes in and clothesline Daniels and then Ray and Hardy double team Kaz.


When we return, Hardy and Ray do “Poetry in Motion” to Kaz and then whip Daniels into Kaz. Hardy and Ray try Poetry in Motion again but this time Kaz and Daniels break it up.  Daniels tags in Kaz and then hip tosses him onto Hardy. Kaz and Daniels continue double teaming Hardy.  Kaz hits hardy with springboard leg drop.

Jeff fights out with an elbow and then hits Daniels with Whisper in the Wind. Hardy tags Bully Ray and Ray clotheslines Daniels.  Ray hits Kaz with a back drop and a hip toss. Ray hits Daniels with a Urinagi and then a side slam. Ray throws Kaz to the floor and tags in Hardy. Not sure why they’re even bothering with tags, this match has been pretty chaotic.

Hardy gets tripped by Kaz from the floor. Kaz snaps the neck of Bully Ray on the top rope and then Daniels hits Ray with an Enzuigiri. Kaz throws some strikes at Ray, but Ray knocks throws him off. Ray gets Daniels up on his shoulders and then drops him with an electric chair.  Hardy comes off the top rope and hits Daniels with the Swanton for the win!

After the match, we see Kurt Angle enter the Aces and Eights Clubhouse and pummel Ken Anderson. Angle goes after Devon next and he’s got a steel pipe in hand.  Angle drops Devon and gets the rest of the group to back off. Angle starts to fight with the Aces and Eights leader and beats him down and unmasks him.

From our camera angle, we can’t see who the leader is, but Angle recognizes him and is shocked. He asks “how could you?” as the rest of Aces and Eights jump Angle. Angle gets beaten senseless by Aces and Eights as Impact goes off the air.

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