IMPACT TV report 01/10/2013

After the traditional TNA recap, Sting is the first person to make his way to the ring, and he’s accompanied by Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle.

Sting says he made his return on the 13th just like he said he would, and now he wants to fight DOC at the Genesis Pay Per View this Sunday. Sting says he’s just getting started, and has the support of the “shooter” and the “killer” (Angle and Joe.)

The crowd starts chanting for Joe and Joe promises to beat up and choke out anyone in Aces and Eights. Angle grabs the mic next and the crowd starts chanting for Angle. Angle promises to continue unmasking more members of Aces and Eights until they are all unmasked. Angle unmasked Mike Knox last week.

This week, Angle wants to call out Ken Anderson, the man that has been recruited by Aces and Eights recently. Anderson comes out the ring and he’s mad. Anderson reminds them that a couple months ago he was supposed to tag with Sting and got beat down in the back by Aces and Eights, and no one came to help him, not even his partner, Sting.

Sting says nothing, and Anderson continues speaking to Angle, telling him he doesn’t answer to him, and he never liked him. Angle says it’s mutual, and then punches him in the face.  Anderson falls out to the floor and walks away.


Match #1:  X division title tournament.  Kenny King versus Zema Ion.

The two men lock up and King lands several strikes. King knocks Zema to the floor with a kick and tries a corkscrew dive to the floor, but Zema gets out of the way. Zema re enters the ring and then flips back out onto King.

Zema rolls King back into the ring, and King hits Ion with a big spin kick. King mounts and pounds Zema. King slams Zema into the corner and hits him with an elbow. Zema grabs King’s head and snaps his neck down on the top rope and follows up with a DDT.

King tries his finishing move, the Royal Flush, but Zema reverses it and rolls King up for a 2 count. Zema hits King with a suplex and then climbs to the top rope. Zema goes for a 450 splash but King rolls out of the way. King hits Zema with the Royal flush for the win.

In the back, Robbie E and Robbie T are talking, and Robbie E sounds sad. Robbie E is upset that the Jersey Shore was canceled, and he’s sad that he lost the bro-off to Robbie T recently, and now he has to find a female wrestler to team with him for a mixed tag match.

Robbie asks Miss Tessmacher, but she is disgusted by him.  Robbie says he’ll do anything, and Tessmacher agrees, but only if she gets to tag with Robbie T instead.


When we return, we see Joe Park leaving wrestling school, preparing to return to TNA as a wrestler.  He walks into the door on his way out.

Match #2:  Robbie T and Miss Tessmacher versus Tara and Jesse.

Jesse and Robbie T start things off and Jesse can’t move big Rob. Robbie throws Jesse around easily until Jesse tags Tara in.  Tara and Tessmacher square off. Miss Tessmacher hits Tara with a couple clotheslines and then hits her in the face repeatedly with her vagina, then repeatedly hits her in the face with her ass.

I’m not making this crap up. This is not wrestling, it’s soft core porn. I’m sure lots of people are turned on by it, but it’s kind of stupid and makes no sense. Vaginal and anal tissues are soft; at least that’s what I’ve heard.

Tara tags in Big Rob and Robbie grabs Jesse by the throat, kicks him, and powerbombs him for the win. After the match, Tessmacher and Robbie T dance and make out. Tessmacher lays on the ground swooning as Robbie E looks on in disbelief.


Match #3:  Gut Check match.

This will be the first Gut Check match in which both competitors (Jay Bradley and Brian Cage) will be competing against each other instead of an established star. The two men lock up and push each other around the cage and exchange go-behind attempts.

Cage takes Bradley down first, but Bradley reverse and tries to roll Cage up. Cage puts Bradley in a headlock and Bradley escapes. The two men trade punches and forearm shots. Cage lands a European uppercut and Bradley responds with boot to the face.

Bradley stomps on cage and hits him with an elbow to the head. Bradley bodyslams Cage and then drops the knee on him. Bradley looks to be setting Cage up for a clothesline, but Cage lands a dropkick first that sends Bradley out to the floor.

Cage climbs onto the second rope, away from the turnbuckle, and slingshot suplexes Bradley back into the ring.  Cage misses a discuss clothesline and Bradley hits him with a big lariat for the win.

Back at the Aces and Eights clubhouse, everyone is having fun except Ken Anderson. Anderson is mad that Angle hit him and he wants payback. The boss agrees, but says they have something else to take care of first.

The boss asks Mike Knox if he has anything to say for himself after allowing himself to be unmasked. The boss also tells Knox that he has to re-earn his spot in the club after getting unmasked, just like Doc did.


Joe Park makes his way to the ring to call out Hulk Hogan. Park tells Hogan that he’s finished wrestling school and now wants a match with Aces and Eights. Hogan still doesn’t want to give him a match because he’s still too green. (or a “Green Hornet” in Park’s words.)

Park persists and Hogan finally agrees to let him have a match against Aces and Eights member Devon at Genesis. Joe is glad.

Brooke Hogan interrupts her father on the big screen. Brooke says that she has been trying to get in touch with her dad for days but he won’t return her messages. Brooke wants to know if Hulk is going to reinstate her boyfriend Bully Ray.

Hogan says no, angrily, and leaves. Brooke looks sad. Sort of anyway, she’s not a great actress.

In the back, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode are arguing about what they are going to wear and who is the better wrestler. Aries says they should put aside their differences because they could be a dream team, or maybe even a wet dream team, in Aries words.


Match #4:  Austin Aries and Bobby Roode versus Jeff Hardy and James Storm.

Roode comes out first wearing his robe, and Aries comes out next wearing his shirt and cape.  Storm and Hardy come to the ring next. Roode and hardy start the match off and lock up. Roode puts Hardy in a headlock and Hardy escapes.

Roode puts hardy back in the headlock and then shoulder blocks him to the mat. Hardy hits Roode with a hip toss and a shoulder block. Roode tags in Aries and they argue while tagging.  Aries takes Hardy down and rotates on top of him and then applies a front chancery.

Hardy punches Aries and then hits him with a hurricanrana. Hardy hits Aries with an inverted atomic drop, and when Roode runs in to help, he hits Roode with an atomic drop as well. Storm and Hardy double team Aries and hit him with poetry in motion. Aries rolls out to the floor where he and Roode start shoving each other.


When we return Hardy and Roode are the legal men, and Hardy hits Roode with an elbow. Hardy climbs to the top rope but Roode knocks him off and stomps on him. Aries tags himself in and hits Hardy, jumps on his leg, and puts him in a front chancery.

Aries tags in Roode and hardy takes Roode down with a sunset flip. Hardy goes for a pin but the ref was distracted by Aries. Roode tags in Aries and Aries lands an elbow and a knee to the head, then tags Roode back in. Roode hits Hardy with a kick, a bodyslam, and a Swagger Bomb.

Roode tags in Aries and Aries hits Hardy with a corkscrew splash. Aries repeatedly claps his arms on Hardy’s head and tags in Roode. Roode hits hardy with a vertical suplex and a knee drop. Roode tags in Aries and Aries hits Hardy with a suplex and a knee drop.   Roode tags himself in and climbs to the top, but hardy hits him with whisper in the wind and tags in Storm.

Storm hits Roode and Aries with several punches. Storm hits Roode with an inverted backdrop, a clothesline, a backdrop and then an Alabama Slamma to Aries.  Strorm hits Roode with a kick and a neckbreaker. Storm hits Aries with closing time and Aries rolls to the floor.  Daniels and Kazarian run in to interfere in the match.

Hardy hits Roode with the Twist of Fate, but Aries runs in and hits Hardy in the head with the title belt. Aries and Storm get DQ’d, and then beat Hardy down. After the match, Aries and Roode argue over who gets to hold up Hardy’s title.


When we return, Joey Ryan and Matt Morgan are bragging about their upcoming match for the tag titles at Genesis. Ryan calls their team “the Big Morgan and the Big Organ.” They get jumped and beat up by tag champs Chavo and Hernandez.

Ken Anderson walks to the ring and introduces himself as the golden glossolalia. (glossolalia refers to speaking in tongues) Anderson is going to have a match with Kurt Angle next.

Match #5:  Ken Anderson versus Kurt Angle.

Anderson retreats to the floor and Angle calls him a little bitch. Angle tells Anderson he’d better get in the ring soon, or he’s coming after him. Mike Knox comes up behind Angle and hits him in the back of the neck with a hammer.

Bischoff, Briscoe, and Samoa Joe run out to help, but it’s too late. Angle is taken out on a stretcher.

After the match, Sting comes to the ring with bat in hand and challenges Mike Knox to a fight right then and there. Devon orders Knox to go in and fight Sting.


When we return, Sting and Knox go after each other: Sting with a bat and Knox with a hammer.  Sting hits Knox with the bat and Knox drops the hammer. Earl Hebner takes both weapons away and starts the match.

I thought the match was starting when we got back from commercial, so I don’t know why Sting was not DQ’d for hitting Knox with a bat.

Knox hits Sting with a punch and a clothesline and then chokes him on the ropes. Knox jumps on Sting’s back while Sting is draped on the ropes and then knocks him to the floor. Knox goes after Sting and they trade strikes on the floor. Sting gets the upper hand and throws Knox into the steel steps three times.

Sting slams Knox into the steel barrier and then hits him with a Stinger splash on the barrier. Sting rolls Knox back into the ring and attempts the Scorpion Death lock but Knox  gets out of it. Knox tries to attack Sting but Sting no-sells it and then hits Knox with a Stinger splash.

Sting hits Knox with a Scorpion Death Drop for the win. After the match, Sting grabs the hammer that Knox had and smashes his hand with it. Sting prepares to hit Knox again but is interrupted by Devon.

Devon and the rest of Aces and Eights has taken Brooke Hogan hostage and asks Sting what he’s going to do about it. Devon promises 2013 will be Aces and Eights year, until Bully Ray comes out.

Bully runs right at Aces and Eights swinging his steel chain and he chases them all of. Bully saves his new sweetie, Brooke Hogan. Hulk Hogan comes out and he doesn’t look happy.


When we return, instead of thanking Bully Ray for saving his daughter, Hogan blames him for putting her in harm’s way. Bully Ray says he has been a pro wrestler all his life and that was his only love, until now.

Bully claims to have finally found something he loves more than wrestling: Brooke Hogan.  Bully tells Brooke that she makes him laugh, and that he loves her. Bully then tells Brooke he knows it all happened very fast, but he wants to marry her.

Bully drops to one knee and places a ring on her finger. Brooke says yes and they smooch.  Bully says he wants to do it in the Impact Zone, in the ring, next week. Brooke seems thrilled.

Bully and Brooke make out some more and Hulk walks away angry. Brooke and Bully show off the engagement ring for the camera as Impact goes off the air.

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