Impact begins this week with Sting and Hogan in the TNA office discussing who they will pick to be Sting’s partner for the big match with Aces and Eights at Bound for Glory in 10 days.
Hogan and Sting agree it needs to be someone with a killer instinct. In the Impact Zone, Mr. Anderson is the first man to make his way to the ring. Anderson tells Hogan and Sting to pay close attention to their monitors, because he wants to prove he is the man they should pick.
Match #1: Mr. Anderson versus Gunner with Kid Kash.
Gunner starts the match of with some punches and then drags Anderson’s eyes across the top rope. Anderson knocks Gunner down with a pair of clotheslines and follows up with a neckbreaker. Gunner fights back with a kick, a couple punches, and an elbow. Anderson takes Gunner down with a hip toss and then dropkicks him to the floor.
Anderson pursues Gunner but is distracted by Kid Kash. Gunner rolls Anderson back in, hits him with an elbow, and gets a 2 count. Gunner ties up the arm and chin of Anderson but Anderson punches his way out. Gunner hits Anderson but Anderson hoists Gunner up on his shoulders to try a rolling fireman’s carry slam.
Kid Kash saves Gunner from the fireman’s carry slam, but Anderson is still able to hit Gunner with the mic check for the win. After the match, Anderson hits Kash with the mic check, knocking him out as well.
After the match is an annoying segment with Tara and Gail Kim. Tara is talking to her huge Hollywood boyfriend, and Gail wants her to concentrate on the match they have coming up.
Match #: Tara and Gail Kim versus Miss Tessmacher and ODB.
ODB and Gail Kim start things off. ODB uses her larger frame and boobs to knock Gail down twice. She really does seem to be using her ample bosom as a weapon, and it appears to be working. I’m not surprised, fake boobs can be very hard. They may constitute a foreign object…or two.
Gail fights back with a kick but is knocked down again with a shoulder/boob block followed by a body slam. ODB tags in Miss Tessmacher and Tessmacher knocks Gail down with a dropkick. Tessmacher grinds her ass into Gail’s face. Apparently Tessmacher’s ass is just as dangerous as ODB’s tits. They could call themselves team TNA!
Tessmacher tags in ODB. ODB goes for a bronco buster (which would mean her vagina is now a weapon, I’m sensing a pattern in women’s wrestling) but misses. Gail tags in Tara, but Tara is knocked down by ODB, who follows up with a bronco buster. Boobs, ass, and vagina have all successfully been used as weapons in this match. Tara goes for a dropkick but misses.
Gail distracts ODB and Tara knocks her down. Tara tags in Gail and Gail grinds her foot into ODB’s face in the corner. Gail follows up with a diving shoulder block in the corner. Gail lands a kick and a shoulder block to ODB.
Tara tags herself in and beats ODB down. Tara goes for a standing moonsault, but ODB gets her knees up in time to block it. ODB tags in Tessmacher and Tessmacher lands a punch, a pair of clotheslines, and a headscissors takedown. Tessmacher climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits Tara with a face plant.
Tessmacher goes for a cover but Gail comes in to make the save. ODB comes in after Gail and the match starts to break down. Tara rams her own partner, Gail Kim, into Tessmacher and then hits her with the widows peek for the win.
When we return, TNA executive Al Snow is making his way to the ring. Al recently got into an altercation with Gut Check loser Joey Ryan that ended with Al hitting Ryan. As a TNA executive, Al is here to apologize.
Al calls Joey Ryan to the ring and apologizes. That’s not good enough for Joey, and Joey insists Al say that he personally is sorry, which Al does. Joey also wants Al to tell everyone what else they recently agreed to. Al produces a TNA contract for Joey Ryan.
Joey is pleased and orders Al to turn around so he can sign it on his back. Al says Joey may want to read it first, but he just signs it anyway. Apparently Joey never saw the South Park episode when Kyle was turned into a human cent-i-pad because he failed to read before agreeing to something. It turns out that Joey’s contract is only for one day, Bound for Glory, and he’s going to face Al Snow. It could have been much worse.
In the back, Sting is being approached by Kurt Angle. Angle already has a tag title match at Bound for Glory, but he wants to join Sting’s fight against Aces and Eights even if it does mean he has to pull double duty.
Sting says he wants someone focused exclusively on Aces and Eights, but because he’s Olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle, he’ll consider it. Bully Ray also wants to fight Aces and Eights, claiming that they cost him the world title. Sting says if he wants to be considered, he’ll have to prove tonight that he really is the bully he says he is.
Match #3: RVD versus Samoa Joe for the TV title.
The two men lock up and Joe pushes RVD back. Joe takes RVD down, but Van Dam escapes and rolls Joe up. Joe fights his way out and the 2 men exchange punches. Joe lands a pair of clotheslines and then whips RVD to the corner. Joe hits Van Dam with a running back elbow and then a kick to the head.
RVD lands a punch and then tries to take Joe down, but Joe blocks the takedown attempt and catches RVD in an STF. RVD makes it to the ropes and then rolls out to the floor. Joe pursues RVD and gets hit with a kick from RVD. Joe responds with a punch, a couple knee strikes, and then whips RVD into the steel post. Joe rolls RVD back into the ring and the two men exchange punches back in the ring.
RVD lands an elbow and couple big kicks before hitting Joe with Rolling Thunder. RVD goes for a cover but Joe kicks out. RVD lands a kick and tries a monkey flip but Joe blocks it. RVD hits Joe with a crossbody and then climbs to the top. Joe cuts RVD off and hits him with the muscle buster for the win.
In the back, AJ Styles is arguing with Chavo Guerrero and Chavo’s partner, Hernandez. AJ and Kurt Angle will be teaming up to take on Guerrero and Hernandez and the tag champs, Kaz and Daniels at BFG. The three men are interrupted by the champs, Kaz and Daniels. Kaz and Daniels try to stir things up by claiming AJ and Angle are not on the same page.
When we return, Austin Aries is talking to Jeff Hardy. Austin says he has no problem with Hardy and that things are cool between them. He doesn’t really seem to mean it though. They are interrupted by Bully Ray. Bully says he has to prove himself to Sting and Hogan tonight, and he intends to do that by beating one of them up.
Bully decides he wants to fight Hardy, because hardy is the #1 contender. Aries is insulted because he’s the champ; it’s got to be more impressive to beat the champ than it is to beat a contender for his title. Hardy offers to make it a triple threat. Aries is pissed off that Hardy is trying to book his matches. He is the champ after all. Pretty soon he is going to start demanding respect and beating up the people that don’t give it to him.
Match #4: Chavo Guerrero with Hernandez versus Kurt Angle with AJ.
Angle gets behind Chavo quickly, but Chavo reverses it. Chavo applies the first of what will be a lot of headlocks. After an Irish whip, Chavo hits Kurt with a shoulder block and then re applies the headlock. Angle hits Chavo with a suplex, but Chavo maintains the headlock. Angle escapes, lands a kick, and then stomps on Chavo.
Chavo fights back with punches and European uppercuts. Chavo then re applies the headlock; Angle escapes and backdrops Chavo. Angle and Chavo exchange punches and kicks. Angle clotheslines Chavo and goes for a cover, but Chavo kicks out. Angle takes Chavo down again with a rear gut wrench and goes for another cover, but Chavo kicks out again.
Chavo and Angle exchange strikes, and then Chavo takes Angle down with a hurricanrana. Angle fights back with a kick, but Chavo knocks him down with a dropkick. Angle hits Chavo with an overhead release belly to back suplex, Chavo responds with a hurricanrana. Chavo tries to hit Kurt with the 3 amigos, but Kurt blocks the second one. Kurt hits Chavo with 3 straight German Suplexes and applies the ankle lock. Chavo rolls out of the ankle lock and hits Angle with the three Amigos.
Chavo goes to the top rope and tries a frog splash but Angle rolls out of the way. Angle hits Chavo with an Angle slam but gets distracted by Hernandez before he can go for a pin. Chavo rolls Angle up and just barely gets a 3 count. Chavo wins.
Match #5: Doug Williams versus Zema Ion for the X division title.
Williams slaps Zema to start the match and Zema responds with a kick. Williams lands a lot of European uppercuts and a running knee. Williams takes Zema out of the ring with a clothesline. Williams goes after Zema and punches him repeatedly. Zema whips Williams into the steel post and then rolls him back into the ring.
Zema applies a modified armbar and Williams taps out. Zema continues to apply the pressure too long after the bell however, and the ref reverses the decision. Doug Williams is declared winner by DQ but Zema retains the title.
Zema says he knows Sting and Hogan want him to help them with Aces and Eights, but he doesn’t want to risk his pretty face. Zema also tells us he’s not just f’in pretty, he’s pretty f’in dangerous. I’ve never been a fan of the phrase “f’n.” It’s self-censorship, which sounds weak to me. It’s better to just swear and get bleeped.
When we return, James Storm makes his way to the ring to talk about his match with Bobby Roode at Bound for Glory. Storm says that since no referee can contain the hatred that they have for each other, TNA had to get MMA star King Mo Lawal as special enforcer.
Before long, Bobby Roode comes out to interrupt Storm. Roode says he’s not going to stop until he stands over Storm’s bloody carcass and ends his career. Roode also tells us that no one will be able to stop him, and he say the same thing to King Mo’s face if he was here. King Mo comes out and Roode shoves him. Mo shoves Roode back and knocks him over. Mo walks to the ring and has his hand raised by Storm. Storm and Mo share some beers.
When we return, we see Aces and Eights torturing Joe Park on the big screen. They just want to prove he’s still OK, and to show us how much fun it is to abduct people and shock them with jumper cables.
Match #5: Bully Ray versus Jeff Hardy versus Austin Aries. Immediately after the ring entrances, we go to Commercial.
When we return the match is underway and Bully Ray is punching Jeff Hardy. Bully goes for a suplex, but Hardy reverses it and suplexes Ray to the floor. Aries rolls back into the ring and Ray pulls Hardy out to the floor. Ray slams Hardy into the steel post and then climbs back into the ring. Aries beats Ray down as he re enters the ring. Ray hits Aries with a back elbow and Aries responds with kick and a high crossbody.
Hardy gets back into the ring and hits Ray with whisper in the wind and then follows up with an atomic drop. Hardy hits Rays mid section with a double leg drop. Hardy hits Ray with a kick and then twist of fate. Hardy climbs to the top and tries for a Swanton, but Aries knocks him off the top. Aries goes after Bully ray and applies the Last Chancery. Hardy comes in and makes the save. Ray gets up and knocks Hardy and Aries down with a double clothesline.
Ray throws Hardy to the floor and then backdrops Aries onto him. Ray grabs Aries and tries to pull him back in the ring, but Aries grabs Ray’s head and snaps his neck down across the top rope. Aries hits Ray with a missile dropkick and follows up with a running dropkick in the corner. Aries tries to get Ray up in the brain buster but Ray blocks it.
Ray goes out to the floor looking for his chain but grabs the world title instead. Ray looks like he’s about to hit Aries with the belt, but Hardy attacks at the same time and Ray whips Hardy into Aries. Aries slumps to the canvas and Ray hits Hardy with the Bully Bomb for the win. Ray just beat the champ and the #1 contender.
After the match, Aries is yelling at Hardy and blaming him for the loss. Aries poses for the crowd and they boo. Hardy poses for the crowd and they cheer. Aries is mad.
When we return, it’s time for Sting and Hogan to announce who they have decided to team up with Sting to fight Aces and Eights at Bound for Glory. Hogan tells us that after the two mic checks Mr. Anderson delivered to start the show, he earned the right to fight with Sting.
Anderson’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out. The big screen shows Anderson getting beaten up by Aces and Eights. Bully Ray comes out to the ring and starts screaming at Hogan and Sting. He asks how they could pick Anderson over him, don’t they know who he is?
He points to Anderson’s unconscious body on the monitor and asks “is THAT the guy you want fighting for you?” Ray then tells Sting he needs to convince Hogan to let Ray team up with Sting to fight Aces and Eights.
Eventually, Hogan and Sting agree: Bully Ray will team up with Sting to fight two men from Aces and Eights at BFG.
Personally, I think Bully Ray is associated with Aces and Eights. I know he claims they cost him the title, but I don’t think they’ve ever actually laid a hand on him. Also, he came out to the ring immediately after Aces and Eights beat down Ken Anderson, almost as though he knew in advance it was going to happen. Anderson’s beat down benefited Ray; know Ray has the match at Bound for Glory that he wanted. I predict ray screws Sting at BFG.
Sting, Hogan, and Bully Ray all shake hands as Impact goes off the air.