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Rampage TV report for 05/05/2023

AEW Rampage tonight comes to us from the CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore, MD .  After last week drawing 298,000 & a 0.09 in the 18-49 demo.

*****

Lucha Bros & Vikingo vs Will Hobbs, QT Marshall & Aaron Solo

Backstory: QT & co eliminated the faces from the trios battle royal Weds 

Right to the ring, Vikingo & QT facing off, beginning with comedy as Marshall mocked the Mexican’s size then mimicked his flips.  Amusingly, it has to be said.

Until Vikingo put his feet to work: spin kick, springboard dropkick, heel kick, pair of gamengiris, implosion hurracanrana, corkscrew kick.  All polished off via out-to-in springboard phoenix splash for two.

Before tags as Fenix & Solo went at it.  While Excalibur revealed Jericho’s refusing to leave his dressing room to join on comms.  Nice touch.

Avoiding Fenix’ rebound spin kick, Solo ate a springboard armdrag, blocked a rolling cutter but was hit with the rebound kick at the second attempt.  As JR talked about Rey still not being 100% (he’s been legit banged up which is why he’s been off tv).  Meanwhile, Solo escaped a knee-bar by tagging out to Hobbs.

Fenix scooting to tag his brother who came in off the top via cross body, beckoning the big man to stop just to ‘zero miedo’ him; Hobbs blocked the face-palm until eating a thrust kick as Penta finished his slogan.

Crowd into the good guys here.

But paid the price as Hobbs obliterated him via lariat, Fenix and Vikingo being wiped out too attempting springboard attacks.  Taking advantage, QT flung Penta into the ringpost, busting him open as the ads arrived.

Still in trouble, Penta took another lariat from Hobbs and was being doubled by the other two until slingblading his way free, bringing Hobbs in to eat a kick to the back of the head and a Fenix rope-walk punt as Vikingo sent QT outside to join the other heels via hurracanrana.

Cue stereo dives, someone took a nasty hit against the rail (you could hear the clang, think it was Hobbs), leaving Solo alone in the ring – Vikingo shooting star and a Bros double team splash for two as the pin was broken up.

Solo hit Fenix with a really nice belly-to-back into a facebuster, was taken out by Vikingo, who was dropped by QT only for Penta to spring off his back into a destroyer before being wiped out by Hobbs.  Who in turn was blasted via a Fenix thrust kick and rolling cutter.

All six down.

Until the heels tripled up on Fenix, a diving foot stomp seeing the cover broken by Penta.  Vikingo to the top, cheapshotted by QT but coming back to hit a destroyer off the top onto the apron, QT tumbling off onto a table, Vikingo readying a dive only for it to be aborted as Harley Cameron pulled QT to safety.  Hobbs then choked Alex Abrahantes on the ramp as the Bros hit a spike piledriver to bag the win.

They made a point to emphasize that Hobbs was not at fault for the loss.  Not that it helped much, the big man feels as unimportant as he ever has.  Nor does it seem there’s much planned for Fenix & Penta.  A shame.

It had some lulls but the highs were very high.  Not to mention spectacular.

Winner: Lucha Bros & Vikingo

They showed MJF throwing a tantrum backstage after Dynamite.

*****

Before Jericho reticently emerged from his dressing room to apologize to fans for not being able to commentate tonight ‘due to an unprovoked attack by Adam Cole’.  Unprovoked!  That’s just fantastic.

He’s seeking ‘insurances’ that Cole will not be allowed in the same building as him from now on (AEW drawing from real life) and will have an update on that Wednesday.  ‘Thanks for believing in me’ he said to Lexi before screaming ‘lock the door!’ as soon as he shut it.

This was excellent.  Great, wildly entertaining follow-up.

Jade Cargill vs Gia Scott 

Backstory: None

After a sloppy slam where Jade dumped Gia right on her side, she hit a pump kick then Jaded.  As Excalibur wondered whether Taya would’ve beaten Jade if that move had been legal when they faced off.

Winner: Jade Cargill

Lexi with Mark Briscoe.  The booking committee’s Sonjay Dutt interrupted, along with Jarrett & etc.  Lethal asked Briscoe to reach out to FTR as Briscoe protested that he was about to head out for a match and they were messing with his focus.

Dutt then yelled, and I mean yelled, ‘Wow!’ five times, right into the camera, each more overdramatic than the last.  Did I mention he helps book the show?

Mark Briscoe vs Preston Vance

Backstory: Jarrett & etc. ‘got’ Briscoe this match

A big lariat sent Vance quickly outside, where he ripped the signs held by Mark’s kids.

Taking advantage, Briscoe hit a blockbuster off the apron, chop to the chest, another, knee to the gut, Vance posted before being sat on a chair at ringside.  Taking far too long up top, Briscoe took a nasty landing across the back of the chair as Vance moved.  Before Vance flung him repeatedly into the barricade.  Bringing the break.

German suplex, Vance replied, elbow strike & running kick from Briscoe.  Both to their feet, stiff exchange of chops and forearms until Briscoe took him down with a big lariat, another in the corner, inverted ddt, Jay Drilla blocked, Vance discus lariat, both down.

Briscoe rolling outside to safety, Vance in pursuit, he hit a spear through the ropes by for two, then used Jose to hit a low blow for another two.  Before being dumped outside via back drop, Mark using the chair to launch a senton.

Back inside, he hit a running boot in the corner, Jay Drilla for the win.  The entire Briscoe family hit the ring to celebrate.

Winner: Mark Briscoe

Lexi with Dustin Rhodes.  May 17th they’ll be in Austin, Tx.

Brian Cage blindsided him, pinning him to the ground as Swerve said he’d see him in two weeks. As Keith Lee, apparently just a step off-camera the whole time, appeared as the heels left.

Very basic.  I’ve been ready for this to end so Swerve can get involved in something good.

*****

They showed a bunch of photos of Anna Jay & Julia being friends backstage as Anna said Julia’s been brainwashed and called her a spooky bitch.  All of which might work if:

  1. They gave the backstory more than 10 seconds’ tv time (the match is Weds)
  2. Anna wasn’t a psychotic heel who goes round choking-out innocent people

*****

Promo package for the International Title match.  Daniel Garcia promising to exploit all of Cassidy’s injuries.  Orange said he’s been injured for a while & always finds a way.

In contrast to Jay/Julia’s friendship, they’ve done a nice job establishing Cassidy’s injuries.  To the point where you can see a title change coming almost any week.  Good stuff from Garcia too.

The Hardys, Hook & Isiah Kassidy vs The Firm, Firm Deletion

Backstory: I think the Firm have to break-up if they lose but I’m not certain and they damn sure didn’t mention it on comms

A car raced up, the Firm got out, the gates creaked open, Vanguard was there to greet them, as a light flashed and suddenly it was night.  The faces shot at them with firework guns.  As Stokely encouraged his guys to fight then ran into the woods.

Big Bill hit a big boot to Jeff, then chokeslammed Isiah in the woods as elsewhere Matt hit a suplex to Ethan on the grass, count of two.  Page swept the leg to block a Twist of Fate, fired shots from the mount, then broke a branch over his back as Jeff did the same to Bill back in the woods.  Before choking him with it, Bill’s acting/selling was OTT as he passed out. For some reason Jeff didn’t attempt a pin.

Stokely was nearly run over by Matt’s kids in a toy car as Bill attacked Jeff frm behind & Matt & Ethan made it to a ring.

Break.  These aren’t my thing but it’s been relatively entertaining so far.  Certainly feels different.  Btw, Excalibur alone is voicing-over this.  A shame in that JR’s responses would’ve surely been very entertaining.

Page got two, arguing vociferously with the ref that it was three, vowing to take everything from Matt for what he’d done to him.  Hardy caught him coming off top with a Twist of Fate as an awakened Big Bill attacked from behind with a chair.

Stokely arrived in the tv room as Reby slid down a fire pole and someone (never named) zapped Hathaway from behind with a taser as the kids piled on him.  Outside, Bill got a lighter out as Kassidy (Brother Zay) made sex noises before swantoning off a crate onto the heels.  ‘I knew you’d come’ said Matt as Kassidy humped the ground.

As Reby beat up Stokely in the ring and Maxell hit a pretty nice swanton before Reby told him it was time for bed.  Cut to Brother Zay coming off a ladder, putting Moriarty through a table.  These quick cuts are really badly done, the wrestlers just randomly appear in different places all the time.

Finally, Page was stuck in the ring against all four faces.  A Twist of Fate & Swanton (which looked like it just about killed Jeff to perform) for the win.  Cause the broken down vets needed the shine.  Not the half of the team who’re young.  Don’t actually remember Hook doing anything.

‘Brother Nero’ lit a huge flaming symbol as the show just abruptly ended.

This was really goofy, interspersed with stuff that was supposed to be very serious.  And AEW did an absolutely horrible job of explaining its significance.  Never once mentioning any stipulations or what’d happen depending on who won.

Winner: The Hardys, Hook & Isiah Kassidy

 ________________________________________________________________

Next Dynamite:

  • Jon Moxley vs Kenny Omega, Steel Cage (Excalibur basically promised a bloody mess)
  • Daniel Garcia vs Orange Cassidy, International Title
  • FTR respond to the J’s challenge
  • Anna Jay vs Julia Hart
  • Rey Fenix vs Claudio, Winner gets a shot at the other’s title at time of their choosing
  • Christian Cage promo
  • House of Black vs Best Friends & Bandido

Thumbs Up/Down

  • It was short but the package for Cassidy/Garcia was good
  • Jericho’s heel work and the follow-up to he and Cole

 *****

  • No standout moments, promos or matches (bearing in mind I’ve yet to watch the opener)

Appreciate you reading.  Have a Tony the Tiger weekend.

Paul Hemming
Paul Hemminghttps://h00kedon.weebly.com/
Paul Hemming got into AEW during the pandemic, lives in Liverpool, England, and is a huge Liverpool fan, Playstation player and history lover.

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