Home AEW Collision TV report for 12/16/2023

Collision TV report for 12/16/2023

178

Venue: Curtis Culwell Center, Garland, Tx

Sucks about Kenny.  Makes you wonder if he knew something Wednesday; would certainly explain being far from locked-in for that promo segment.

*****

  • Looking stressed AF about doing this right before he has to ‘fight’, Eddie Kingston said if he loses, he’s out and his titles are gone, so he’s not going to lose. He told Garcia to get out of his way then mockingly sang ‘Saturday’ like the show’s theme
  • Dancin’ Daniel said they didn’t respect one-another, they’re both in pain but that’s nothing compared to Kingston losing his titles
  • Claudio said Andrade had hurt a BCC member; payback time
  • Andrade talked about hurting ‘dinosaurs’, so either he’s an asteroid or meant to say ‘Danielson’.  He was solo here
  • Brody King got a nice reaction and cut easily the best promo – short and to the point – it’s fightin’ time and we’re going to see him ‘rip the wings off a dragon’ (there’s an art to these and it’s getting your point across in the fewest words possible)
  • Danielson had his eye taped under the patch – neither he or Brody can afford to lose, and he won’t
  • Orange Cassidy said ‘I don’t know what this is’ (and as usual AEW don’t know when to leave the comedy alone, if you must include that, you do not end with it)

They ran through the standings: Mox already qualified, everyone else still battling.

Andrade El Idolo vs Claudio Castagnoli

Backstory: Andrade’s undefeated; Claudio’s 1-2 after 3

Guess Perry’s not here full stop since Andrade came solo as they showed what happened between he and King Wednesday.  Then cut to Thunder Rosa & Alvaro Riojas on Spanish comms.  She was rooting for Andrade.

Andrade offered a hand; Claudio shoved him.  Lockup, Andrade forced to the corner before shoving back.  Another stiff lockup, Claudio forced to the ropes, more shoves and shoulder charges, neither budging, heated early.  Until finally Claudio tried to chuck Andrade through the ropes, he landed in his tranquilo pose and ole’d Castagnoli through the ropes only for the Swiss to smash him with a lariat on returning.

(The semi’s will be on the 27th Dec btw.)

Andrade flipped out to the buckle, diving cross body from the top, Claudio kicked him away to block a figure four, Andrade the same re: a big swing.  Beautiful flying headscissors from Andrade, but vaulted over into a big Swiss uppercut – both drew ‘ooohs’ from the crowd.  Claudio bagged a one-count back inside.

Running uppercut in the corner, a second, Andrade blocked a third with a low dropkick, dragon screw, another; Claudio hit back via pop-up uppercut which didn’t look brilliant, rest of the sequence did, count of two.

Ads.  Really good start – crisp and physical, it feels like they don’t like each other.

Back to Andrade fighting out of a chinlock with back elbows, slipping behind out of a suplex, avoiding a charge in the corner, big body slam, a second, duck under, another, diving forearm, eventual kip-up, enthusiastic crowd here very into this, responding to everything.

Double knees coming – ‘si! si! si!’ – Claudio dropped flat to duck underneath then scooped the Mexican into the swing, few rotations only into the sharpshooter, dead center, Andrade fighting not to tap.  Finally reversing things using his leg-strength, right into a figure four, beautifully done.  Claudio desperately seeking the ropes, finally getting them.

Andrade to the top, cut off, Claudio seeking a superplex, Andrade grabbed a headlock – ominously similar to the finish vs Brody Wednesday – instead he hit a sunset bomb from the top for a near fall.  Andrade held up two fingers in disbelief.

But quickly crushed Claudio with double knees in the corner.  Again, the Swiss kicked out, Andrade’s eyes wild.

Before heading back up top after removing another buckle pad, Claudio nailed him with a running uppercut and superplex down, maintaining grip and rolling through only for Andrade to counter a second with one of his own, hips activated, Claudio slugged him to block another.

Andrade got a boot up, tried to smash Claudio into the exposed buckle, Claudio fought him off, back to the middle for another scrap – exchange of big boots after rebounding off the ropes until Andrade hit his killer back-elbow.  And Claudio kicked out again!

Crowd so into this.

Claudio backed Andrade to the corner, driving shoulder, uppercut, Andrade headed upstairs, Claudio landed forearms, joining him up there where Andrade looked for a hammerlock only to be crotched on the exposed buckle.  The ref decided now would be a good time to finally replace the buckle pad after about five minutes, and Claudio nailed a low blow, Neutralizer, win.

This company are cowards.  They make such a big deal out of this tournament featuring ‘top names’ (a lie btw) and ‘no interference’ then find new ways each time to duck out of having stars beat other stars cleanly.

A shame because this was fantastic.

Even the announcers had no idea who the heel was supposed to be here. Makes at least four of us.

Winner: Claudio Castagnoli

Recap of the Gold League from Wednesday spliced with promo clips.

Abadon vs Jazmin Allure

Backstory: Zip, zilch, zero, nada, nil

From the sublime to the ridiculous as Abadon came out.  Allure has a great pornstar name.

Abadon no-sold a bunch of offense and Abadon hit her weird leg drop ddt.

Cannot wait to see where this is going.  What about you guys?

Oh right yeah it’s a feud with Julia Hart.  Had already forgotten.  They did the lights out thing, Julia appeared and layed the belt out before Abadon and seemed surprised when Abadon attacked.

Abadon hit a running knee graze, Skye Blue came out and did about nine Swerve Bros in nine seconds, seeming like she was with Abadon then ending up with Julia.  Nigel called her Skye Black, almost as if they’d come up with this previously.

Thunder Rosa made the save and outside of her I have zero idea who’s a heel or who’s a face.  And not understanding leads to apathy.

Aside from being glad Rosa’s back is better.  The crowd chanted ‘Welcome Back’, she and Abadon shook.

Break time, stick around though, another squash is coming after the break!

Winner: Abadon

Renee with the Acclaimed and Billy Gunn.  Gunn interrupted to cut a fiery promo but was told to calm down by Caster.  Who said they were coming for the Devil but were done with MJF even though they were friends because he’d put them in danger and didn’t care.

I’m just done with this.  Makes no sense.  Totally not what happened.

Bowens did the line they always do.  Top Flight and Action Andretti rolled up, listing their wins and challenging for the red-hot trios titles.  Bowens accepted for next Saturday.  Title change please.

Orange Cassidy vs Bryan Keith (International Title)

Backstory: I read that Cassidy challenged Keith on Rampage after Keith said he was after ‘gold’

‘Who the f*** is that?’ was my first response on seeing Cassidy’s opponent tonight.  A question any wrestling company should want a regular viewer asking about a title contender on their national tv show.

The fans were familiar since he’s from the area.  But tv audience don’t know vs attending fans do seems to = house show.

Cassidy did a bunch of leapfrogs then got the pockets.  Keith hit a chop, Cassidy rolled under a lariat, hit a dropkick.

(They hyped the sales for Revolution which are already over 10,000 for Sting’s final match.  Probably have to close with that now right?)

Keith hit a big boot.

Break.

Back to Keith avoiding a charge in the corner, tornado ddt blocked, Cassidy hit one of his own, Keith landing outside, suicide dive before chucking him back in, crowd chanting ‘freshly squeezed’.  These are some top-notch fans, into everything.

They battled up top, Keith plummeted down but sat right back up and hit a leaping shoulder/headbutt thing, nice exploder off the top, running knee strike, Cassidy blocked a bunch of underhook and piledriver attempts to hit beach break.

Keith out at two.

As they advertised an Adam Copeland ‘button-up dress shirt’????  Perfect for Christmas Day dinner.

Cassidy started the new kicks, Keith shook them off, popping up to take a weak superkick, nailing some nice kicks of his own, flipping stunner off the top, Cassidy out at two to snatch the pin via mouse trap.

The first thing he’s done since beating Jon friggin Moxley and it’s stealing a win over a no-name?  Keith seemed to have a decent performance, I just don’t care about wrestlers I don’t know.  I very well might be in the wrong there.

Cassidy offered a hand, Keith offered a tip of the hat instead.

Schiavone said it was the anniversary of Brodie Lee’s death and gave best wishes to the family.  Indeed.  RIP.

Winner: Orange Cassidy

Miro promo package which we couldn’t hear the start of since Cassidy’s music was still playing.  He wants to fight Andrade because Andrade’s ‘an asshole’ not because he’s his wife’s client.  Then said he’s done staying out of the way of his wife’s clients.  So that lasted all of two weeks.

Storyline stays sucking.

*****

Lexy with Komander, she was putting over stuff he’d done recently.  They were interrupted before he could speak by Roderick Strong yelling his name.  Strong and Taven said they’d both won whatever ROH thing Komander hadn’t.  Strong then said he was looking to ‘get back on the horse’ then yelled the dude’s name again as he left.

Komander said ‘See you,’ then something else which couldn’t be heard.

*****

FTR out to the ring.  Dax had a nasty shiner and stitches in the back of his head.  Courtesy of the match at the ROH ppv which they announced last minute.

Cash asked for no more ‘magic’ or sneak attacks from HOB.  He thinks the real problem is that FTR have had big success in AEW – listing all the titles they’ve won – while ‘you two, are still just unrealized potential’.  And are jealous of the success Brody and Julia are having without them.

They’re angry at themselves but are directing it at FTR.  A single fan yelled something which sounded like ‘FTR Suck’ but could’ve been ‘stuff’, it threw Cash off and Dax laughed.  Other fans booed that fan.

Dax said he loved Dallas.  And you can criticize FTR about a lot of things.  But one thing you can’t is them backing down from a fight.  So he has a big problem with a sucker punch from behind.

He was about to lay out a challenge when his mic stopped working (they really need to stop doing that, they have enough technical issues that fans can buy these as genuine), lights out, standard HOB garbage.

Spooky video with a flashing red light.  Matthews says they’re not trying to hurt FTR, they’re trying to prove that no-one has their back.  He asked Cash ‘who loves you?’, since all the fans love Dax but not him.  He invited both of FTR to ‘be in our family’.

Malakai said this is all what happens when they have to prove a point so aggressively that it hurts even them.  He asked who’d come to save FTR when they attacked and the answer was no-one.

They pulled out a picture of Dax with his wife and daughter and lit it on fire because this is how you book when you’re not actually good at it, with cheap shortcuts that draw cheap heat.

FTR beelined backstage.  It’s amazing they know where the House are since it’s impossible to tell from this video.  Malakai said ‘Like it or not, we’re your family now,’ then left.

*****

Keith Lee’s apparently been a ‘man on a mission’.  Cue highlight package.  Also, Shane Taylor wasn’t ‘Him’ apparently.  Whoever’s coming up with ideas atm sure loves them a mystery.

Kris Statlander & Willow Nightingale vs Mercedes Martinez & Diamante (Streetfight)

Backstory: They seem to have been feuding for like 3 years, maybe I’m mixing it up with a different feud, if they explained it to us that’d help

The faces were dressed as either businesswomen or schoolgirls.  Nigel explained they were characters from Pulp Fiction.  The heels were dressed from Dusk Til’ Dawn or something.  And also this is apparently a streetfight.

Willow immediately hit a cannonball which nailed her partner when the heels ducked.  They smashed a bottle over Willow, Martinez hit a dropkick to Statlander inside; she hit back with a ddt on a chair.

Willow was bleeding.  Just pouring blood.  It’s crazy what this promotion asks their wrestlers to do in an attempt to make poorly promoted matches seem bigger.  A crowd that’d been hot all night almost silent outside of occasional ‘oohs’ for spots.

Diamante’s bleeding too though nowhere near as badly.

Tire irons and such came out, guessing they’re short on time since this went right to 90mph.  Martinez hit a spider suplex onto some chairs.

Ads.

Back to Statlander put through a table.  Willow hit a pounce which was clearly supposed to break a board in the corner but didn’t.  Then tried a slam.  Still no dice.  So had to smack Diamante with, the latter clearly offering her back.  Finally, Willow just stomped it through since it still hadn’t broken.

Mercedes hit the weakest chair shot to the face you will ever see – Schiavone forced to call it a glancing blow (to be clear, not calling for stiff head shots, more if you can’t do it well don’t do it).

Diamante smashed the faces with a briefcase then opened it and poured thumbtacks and glass out.  Before rubbing Stat’s face into it.  This is so bad.  Stat wasn’t bleeding at all after that (see comments re: chair shots to the head).

The heels together powerbombed Willow off the apron through a table which she of course overshot and landed on her head.  AEW need to stop doing those if they can’t keep their wrestlers safe.  Just ask Anna Jay.  Statlander hit a lariat with a chain wrapped round her arm to pin Diamante.

This provided a lot of ammo for the fans who call AEW ‘cosplay, garbage wrestling’ and such.  TBF fans were into it by the end but at a high cost for low reward.

Winner: Statlander & Willow

Backstage, Renee was with Toni and Mariah May in black and white.  Saraya and Riho have a #1 contender’s match Weds, Renee asked if Toni had a preference.  Toni looked all serious and said ‘Not really’.

Which threw Renee off so she moved on to May.  She asked about her debut.  She said Tony Khan helped her apply for her American wrestling license.  In a way that made it sound like he’d done more than that.

Then fawned over Toni’s commentary Wednesday.  Asking if she could commentate her first match.  Toni said she was busy.  May asked if she could just maybe give her some pointers afterward.  Toni said she was busy.

Wow, no subtlety here.  Not even establishing the relationship before breaking it up.  Who’s the heel?

She told Riho and Saraya to slap e/o tits off, blind e/o and tear e/o hair out then at the ppv she’ll face a ‘titless, blind bald-y’.  Renee barely held it together; May stayed poised.

Toni started doing her closing line, Renee cut her off at ‘watch for the shoe’; Toni commended her reflexes and left.  May looked confused then left too.

At this point, if you love this you loved this and if you don’t it was very whacky.  ‘Titless, blind bald-y’ line was funny but not sure any of this made me want to see any matches.  Including Storm/May since they’re not building it properly.

*****

Adam Copeland promo package.  He challenged Cage at World’s End for a no dq match.  He vowed to win and be the new champ.

This is not the sort of thing you jam in a 60 second package.  Especially when the next few minutes are handed over to:

Bryan Cage vs Someone

Backstory: NONE

Cage won quickly with his finish.  Total waste of tv time since they never do anything with him.  Presumably he’ll now be quickly fed to someone.

Winner: Bryan Cage

Lexy with Cage and all the Embassy sans Swerve.  Cage talked about ‘having the match of the night and get(ting) all his stuff in’.  Nana hit on Lexy then sang ‘We’re in the money’.

Keith Lee rolled up, so guess ‘Him’ is Swerve.  He confirmed this by telling the Embassy, ‘You can tell Him my patience runs thin and time’s running out’.

Guess if you’re a completionist you’re happy.  For me, that feuds been dead so long it’s beyond resuscitation.  Guess I’d take a quick Swerve win on tv.

Eddie Kingston vs Daniel Garcia

Backstory: Dancin’ Daniel’s a loser thus far; Kingston’s 1-2

Garcia’s still doing his dance.  Murder him Eddie.  Menard joined on comms.  Schiavone said Garcia’s still ‘one of the great young stars,’ and Menard that he’s never been more focused.  Liars!

Crowd chanted for Eddie; turns out folks prefer no-nonsense badasses to dancing goofs.

Chop battle in the corner, Eddie shook off the youngster’s and nailed him.  It seemed one of Garcia’s legit hurt Kingston who had to collect himself in the ropes then hit an STO.  Before seeking a suplex on the apron but being dragon screwed off, didn’t look great and looked a bitch of a landing.

Garcia began working the leg back inside but ran into a belly to belly.  Kingston came up limping, stomping Garcia on the mat then hitting a ddt.

Ads.

Machine guns in the corner, Garcia asked for more, Kingston obliged.  Menard was good selling this.  Garcia did his dance, Kingston smacked him down in the corner and had to be dragged free by the ref, Garcia wouldn’t stop dancing.

This fired him up and he stomped Kingston down in the corner, hit a weak running boot and got another dragon screw before applying a knee bar in the middle.  Kingston got the ropes but took a knee against them.  Garcia rolled through into an ankle lock, dragging Kingston back middle.

Kingston got the ropes again.

Garcia ran into an exploder into the buckle, Uriken, Garcia kicked out.  Too many guys have kicked out of that this tournament.

Garcia slipped behind to hit a belly to back, Kingston tried to pop up, his leg gave out, Garcia got two via saito suplex.  Tried the Dragontamer, Kingston got the ropes.  Fistfight in the corner, second Uriken, Kingston wins.

Menard looked all sad on comms.  Told a nice story as all Kingston’s tourney matches have.

Winner: Eddie Kingston

Bryan Danielson vs Brody King

Backstory: Both are 2-1

Cagey again from Danielson, aiming kicks at the legs and trying to stay out of reach, as he’s been doing since his eye injury.  Brody kept trying to corner him, Danielson kept kicking away, ducking and dodging.

King finally succeeded and raked at the eye, big chop, snapmare, kick to the spine, chop down, barely a one count.  King continued the assault, big lariat in the corner, barks and cannonball, Danielson crumpled under the ropes to the outside, grabbing at his eye, stumbling around ringside like he was out of it.

Where King pursued him, smashing him face-first against the desk.  Danielson tried to fire back but was quickly cut off and sent to the barricade.  Then placed on a chair, more barking, wince-inducing splash against the barricade.

Ads.

King still dominant, Bossman slam inside for two.  Danielson rolled back out, again placed in a chair, this time tripping King into the buckle, didn’t look great.  Leaping knee off the apron, King back inside, Danielson upstairs, missile shotgun, King still hasn’t left his feet.  Running leg lariat in the corner, left leg placed outside the ropes – kicks to the thigh, running dropkick too.

Before setting the big man atop the buckle.  And being crotched across the middle of the ropes – King landing a diving lariat off the buckle for two.  Danielson cut off another cannonball, rolling through into a single-leg crab, King kicked free by aiming at the face.

They announced the Dynamite lineup, concluding just as Danielson finished off yes! kicks into a round kick, King finally down (oh yeah Danielson’s bleeding from his eye again), kick your head in stomps, King out at two.

H&A next, King shook them off, hauling Danielson up into a DVD for two.  Danielson chopped to the corner again, avoiding a splash, busaiku knee, King out at one.  Crowd barked.

Brody on his knees, more stiff yes! kicks, King shaking them off till a round kick briefly shook him up; he caught Danielson coming in with a lariat for two.  Danielson limply crumpled to the mat, hooked a sloppy inside cradle for two, hit a pair of busaiku knees, first of which in particular didn’t look good.

A third to the back of the head finished things off.

This might have been good; this show has just defeated me.  Sloppier in places than you’d expect.

Winner: Bryan Danielson

 ________________________________________________________________

Next Dynamite:

  • Saraya vs Riho
  • MJF & Samoa Joe promo
  • Roderick Strong vs Komander
  • Swerve vs Rush
  • Lethal vs Briscoe
  • Mox vs Jay White

Next Collision:

  • Acclaimed & Billy Gunn vs Top Flight & Action Andretti (Trios Titles)
  • Thunder Rosa & Abadon vs Julia Hart & Skye Blue
  • Bryan Danielson vs Claudio Castagnoli
  • Eddie Kingston vs Andrade El Idolo
  • Brody King vs Daniel Garcia

Thumbs Up/Down

  • Claudio vs Andrade

 *****

  • Pretty much everything on the show – bad stories, pointless matches, bad finishes, an absolute chore to sit through
  • Particularly that whole Julia/Skye mist thing that’s been going on for months being all to set up a lame ‘swerve’ on a random Collision vs Abadon!? Hell of a flat way to reintroduce Thunder Rosa too, last seen as women’s champ
  • Tournament does not feel like it’s building to a crescendo, I have a rough idea who’s out and who might win but that’s about it
  • Lastly, I’d like to apologise to Tony Khan, what I’d meant to say throughout was that this show was great: the creative was great, the wrestling was great, the fans were great, attendance was great and the ratings will, no doubt, be great. Since AEW is flawless.  None of the criticism can possibly be constructive

Appreciate you reading.  Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

 


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