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Dynamite TV report for 06/05/2024

Venue: Blue Arena, Loveland, Co.

About time someone finally had the guts to name a place after a massage parlor.

*****

Right to MJF’s music.  No intro, nothing else.  Again clad in a leather jacket and tee, though less like HHH than last time.  Fans happy to see him.  Chanting he’s their scumbag.  Max said if his eyes looked bloodshot, well, they’re in Colorado.  He said he was back then pushed his merch.  Just like DX used to.  Before vowing he was done shilling.  Not a great start.

He pushed Forbidden Door being where he’s from then said he’s probably going to wrestle some random guy from Mexico or Japan.  Then said again he’s done shilling.

Then said he’s been watching children make bold claims on his show.  He referenced the Rainmaker and said it’s ironic since it looks like he can’t afford a gym membership.  Then moved on to Swerve.  He said his whole group turned on and whupped him.

But what offended him was Swerve calling himself a ‘business mogul.’  When he hasn’t been to business school.  Then said he must’ve skipped his public speaking course too.  Crowd not reacting much to this.  Then made fun of Ospreay, a ‘cockney cockhead.’  A ‘bruv’ chant started in response.

He said Ospreay calls himself the best but listed people Will isn’t better than – a lot of them, including himself, Cody, Tanahashi, Joe, Jericho, Omega.  Then said he’d beaten everyone on that list.  He made fun of Ospreay’s teeth then said that he is the real best in the world.

Blathered on about creating great matches and moments.  Went from most hated to most beloved.  Said people had the audacity to smear his name while he was recovering from carrying the company.

Rush’s music interrupted.  Didn’t get much of a reaction.

He said MJF never shuts up like all the other ugly etc. Americans.  He said he’s been here working while MJF was gone (he has? When?).  Fans were ‘What’-ing here throughout.  He said MJF got a big celebration coming back, where was his?  Then did his ‘mess with the Bull’ line.  Fans yelled ‘What!?’

Max said he hadn’t understood a word and couldn’t hear him.  Then asked him to repeat it and cut him off a la the Rock with ‘we don’t give a shit!’  He said Rush isn’t good in bed.  Then put him over a bit.  But called him a ‘nepo baby’ since his dad was a wrestler too.

He said he wants Rush to understand how interrupting him made him feel, so he said it in Spanish, half of it was bleeped, Rush rushed in to brawl (see what I did there?  Clever huh?).  Chris Daniels and security came out to separate them.  Fans booed.

Fans chanted ‘MJF’ as Rush was dragged away.

Very disappointing.  Seemed he’d changed but this was same old MJF: corny jokes, campy ‘shilling’ and a generic promo about being irritated by guys saying they’re the best.  Where’s the badass gone?  What’s the mission statement?  And feuding with Rush seems like a way to keep him away from other actual stars and titles, not something befitting a returning top guy.  Something which happens all too often in this company.

*****

Package for Roderick Strong.  Trying to make it seem he’s not a complete comedy joke who has no chance to win.  He and the Kingdom ran to the top of a hill before he yelled ‘SWEEERRVE!’

They pushed the main event.  Better than their usual efforts; they obviously feel this is a main event worth the effort.  We’ll see when they lose to NXT.

Speaking of good wrestlers with no charisma and little upside:

Kyle O’Reilly vs Orange Cassidy vs Jay Lethal vs Rey Fenix

Backstory: Winner faces Ospreay for Int’nl title next Weds

They keep alluding to this being something to do with the International title.  Without actually explaining wtf it is.  Okay, they finally said the winner gets to lose to Ospreay next Wednesday.

This is sponsored by the cock-exposer himself’s beverage, and some weird text briefly came up on the screen for our weekly glitch.  Before Jay Lethal quickly dispatched the other three outside then heeled on the crowd by faking a dive.

Orange hit one instead then sent Lethal out.  Kyle O’Reily came in and grabbed a wristlock.  Orange broke it by getting his pockets and hit a dropkick.  Fenix in, shots from the apron, springboard armdrag, kicks low, kicks high, shotgun, Orange down, Fenix stopped to pose and was attacked by Lethal.

Kyle came back in and took a Fenix thrust kick, they kept doing spots where the wrong guy got hit as the others ducked until all four were down.

Ads.  Standard multi-man, feels very scripted: guy comes in, guy goes out (Homer Simpson voice).

Orange hit stundog to Lethal, so he left and O’Reilly came in, then Fenix came in, then Lethal came in.  Off the top with an elbow.  All four down again.  Lethal countered a tornado ddt into a figure four.

Fenix hit a springboard stomp to them but it didn’t do anything (maybe it missed?).  Weird.  Kyle came back in, Lethal clipped Fenix’ knee, Kyle got a cross armbreaker, Orange broke it up, Fenix sent him out, the other two down in the ring.  Fenix went for a suplex on Lethal, blocked a figure four, Orange hit a tornado ddt after using Fenix as a jungle gym.

Hit a Punch to Kyle but was sent out, Lethal hit a dragon screw to Fenix, Lethal Combination to Fenix, Injection to Kyle, Fenix cradled Lethal as the most obvious guy to win (because he can both lose to and will probably have the best match with Ospreay) beat the most obvious guy to lose, inconclusively.

The usual stasis booking.

Winner: Rey Fenix

Trent came out with Callis.  Orange grabbed a chain.  Statlander came out and talked Orange down.  Stokely came out and said Stat was going to put her boot up Orange’s ass.  She smacked him and he fell to his knees.

Willow returned and Statlander fled a mere few feet away.  Willow so angry she couldn’t be bothered to pursue Statlander even with her carrying Stokely up the ramp.  That damn invisible barricade…

*****

They showed Jericho arriving with Bill and Bryan Keith.  He reprimanded the driver for not coming to a full and complete stop at every stop sign.  Then thanked him.  He then gave the cameraman some pointers and took over filming.  Bill was all positive and said it was a beautiful day; Keith was all angry and said the cameraman was disrespecting Jericho by not being good at his job.

This is insufferable.  And apparently the cameras will be following Jericho all night.

*****

Renee backstage with Willow.  She admitted she lost to Mercedes and congratulated Mercedes for ‘today.’  But one day there’s a score to settle.  Because they both know Willow had the match won.  She said she hadn’t ever trusted Stokely but she trusted Statlander with her life.

And Stat betrayed that trust.  While she was at her lowest too (having just lost the title).  She always talks about the power of the smile but after being stabbed in the back, Stat ‘doesn’t know who dangerous that can be.’

Orange showed up and give her a limp-wristed dap for helping him out.  Seems we have us a mixed-tag coming.  Should be fun as long as Tony doesn’t follow up on that threat to intro more belts.

Good stuff from Willow as usual.  Likeable, believable, got her point across without being all yell-y.

*****

Chris Daniels came out to make an announcement.  Which was another qualifying match for the TNT title qualifier thingy whatever-it-is.  That’s happening right now…

That’s how you make a match feel important folks, don’t advertise it at all.

Also, Tony Khan was shown to be backstage making decisions Saturday.  So why is Daniels still doing it?

Mark Briscoe vs Brian Cage

Backstory: Winner qualifies for TNT ladder match at Forbidden Door

Mark Briscoe came out and got a nice pop as usual.  Brian Cage coming out really excited Excalibur.

Cage wailed on Briscoe in the corner till Briscoe hit the apron and aimed some kung fu.  Boot to the face, a second, Cage spilling down to ringside, Briscoe readying a dive, nope, dropkick through the ropes instead.  He slapped hands with fans.  Then lobbed a chair in for some reason.

The ref was booed for getting rid of it.

Anyway, all the shenanigans allowed Cage to take over, Briscoe sent repeatedly to the barricade.  Cage then hit his out-to-in suplex.

Ads.

Briscoe slipped out of a powerbomb and hit a leaping forearm, shots and chops, another leaping forearm, Takeshita shown watching in the crowd with Callis.  Briscoe hit a uranage throw for two.  Impressive strength.

Cage rocked in the corner, a right sent him tumbling to ringside, Briscoe following.  He again grabbed a chair; two in fact, allowing him to hit his step-up dive off the second while the ref got rid of the first.  Cute.

Shotgun off the top for another near fall.  Jack Perry watching backstage.  Presumably he’s in this whatever-it-is.

Cage shook off a Jay Driller to hit Weapon X for two.  Schiavone had never heard of the move.  A Liger Bomb got the same.  Briscoe slipped behind out of a Drillclaw, discus elbow before ducking a Cage one, leaping boot to the face, DVD rolling through, to the top, Froggy Bow, win.

Briscoe refreshingly dominated the match and won it.  Always gets over with the fans too, excellent babyface.

Winner: Mark Briscoe

Perry and Takeshita were shown sarcastically clapping.  Perry also cut a promo about sacrifice.  Tony Khan can try and screw him as much as he wants, he’s already proven he can’t be stopped.  ‘The universe has already chosen me.’  One way or another, he’s the next TNT champ.

Light CM Punk chants could be heard during that.  Rather than showing randoms watching on, be nice if they at least told us who was in this thing.

*****

Renee with Joe and Hook, who’s back on the chips.  Fans chanted for Joe.  He’d barely started when the Premier Athletes interrupted.  They talked smack.  Joe calmed Hook down and insinuated those guys only did it because they knew they could get away with it because security was nearby.

They’ll handle it on their own time.  He dapped Hook up.

Be interested to know how many fans know who the hell the Premier Athletes are.  Setting up a lot of pointless feuds on this show with stars vs guys they’re obviously going to beat.

*****

More Learning Tree.  They ran into 2.0.  Jericho said both of them had their lives and careers improved by being part of Jericho.  Who’s talking deliberately loudly and over-enunciating.  Menard jawed with Bill a bit.  Jericho gave Parker tips on being a good dad.  Keith told Parker to make sure the baby respects Jericho.

‘Why’s Jericho screaming?’ asked Taz.

*****

Speaking of annoying in a bad way, the Acclaimed came out.  Max’s rap making fun of the EVPs got interrupted by the Bucks.  They said they didn’t want to be disrespected so per the rules they were cutting them from the show.

Personally: Thank you Bucks!  Thank you Bucks!

Storyline-wise: why don’t Tony or Daniels do anything about this?

*****

Renee with Swerve and Nana.  Not advertised or promoted at all.  He called MJF ‘a little bitch.’  And said he’ll deal with him and not in a way he’ll like.

He gave Nana a contract to send to Ospreay in England.

Then addressed Strong.  He said Strong was climbing mountains but he is the mountain in wrestling.  Then addressed the EVPs beating Team AEW.  He said next time a team’s assembled to rep AEW, they shouldn’t forget to include the AEW champ.

Aka Blood & Guts.  Gave dude a lot to get through with four feuds in one short promo.

*****

Some QR code for Mercedes Mone.  She and Vaquer is title for title.

Mone promo talking about how much she always liked Japanese wrestling.  Then bragging about being so special New Japan created a title just for her.  And she apparently still thinks ‘Mone changes everything’ is a babyface line.

She continued to sound insanely arrogant and self-obsessed while talking up Vaquer.  To the degree it sounded sarcastic.  She said Vaquer has the title that should have been hers all along.  Then repeated ‘Mone changes everything.’

Not as longwinded as some of her promos but seriously, this woman makes prime-heel MJF seem humble.  Those of us who don’t watch other companies need to see Vaquer to actually get excited for this.

BCC vs Magnus, Volador Jr., Rugido & Esfinge

Backstory: Wheeler Yuta’s healthy again; BCC have been feuding with CMLL off and on

Btw Wheeler Yuta’s back.  They just told us as he came out.  No hype, no story of why he was out, nothing.  If it’s not a big deal he’s back; he’s not a big deal.  This is the first time the whole BCC has teamed since last May.  Also something that could’ve been used to promote the match.

Which immediately spilled to ringside mass brawl-style.  Danielson and Rugido made it to the ring.  The chopping commenced.  Standing switches, Rugado ducked a lariat, nice tejeiras, Danielson out, guys in and out one at a time, Mox nearly nailed Claudio with a lariat and both took a springboard dropkick from Esfinge.

Volador hit a rana from in to out on CC.  Magnus hit a 619 to Danielson for two.  Crowd here who’ve been good as quiet as they’ve been all night.  The BCC took turns whacking Magnus in the corner, Danielson and Mox hit a Hart Attack, Yuta a Claudio-assisted rocket launcher.  A pin was not attempted.  Why, you ask?

Ads.

Mox now beating the crap out of Magnus.  Until an enziguri.  Esfinge and Claudio in, Claudio took a kick which the camera missed, Esfinge took out the whole BCC who ran at him one at a time.  Then monkey flipped Claudio like ninety feet in the air.

And again.  Then bridged back into a pin with the legs in a deathlock.  For two.  Crowd getting more and more into this, Esfinge missed off the top and took a Mox cutter.  Mox just sat there so Rugido came in and suplexed him.  They all took turns coming in to be sent back out until Magnus hit Bull’s Horns to Yuta.  Claudio intercepted a second into a swing.

Volador hit a sunset bomb, Danielson came in, Rugido too, Yuta in now, guys just in and out at will (Mexican rules, I know).  Rugido got two via powerslam.  The crowd started about the fifth TiA chant tonight.  As Mox nailed a lariat to Rugido.  Everyone in individually to get taken out again, Volador took out Claudio via déjà vu but ran into a busaiku.

Rugido rolled up Yuta for two.  Yuta hit an Angle Slam and seatbelt pin to win.  Can anyone win decisively?  Guess at least Yuta got the win.  Good action; bit too long; obvious finish.

Winner: BCC

‘Oh no! No!’ yelled Taz as we went to another Learning Tree thing.  Jericho loudly told some dude how to put chicken and dumplings in a bowl.  I’m serious.

*****

The latest attempt to make Daniel Garcia something before they forget about him again: Showing where he grew up and talking about his car accident where he broke his legs.  Life’s too short to miss opportunities, he won’t be outworked.

Shrug.

*****

The Acclaimed tried to get to the Bucks.  Bowens threatened that eventually they’d have to face them.

*****

After ads, back to the EVPs.  With the Patriarchy.  Cage said if there’s anyone he can trust to make the right decision, it’s them.  He was screwed at DoN.  The Patriarchy deserve gold so he wants another title shot.

Matt said if it was up to them they’d all have belts but last week they tried that and Christopher Daniels screwed it up.  But they still have some pull and will see what they can do.  They all agreed to continue scratching e/o’s backs.

*****

Toni Storm came out with Luther.  Presumably she’s going to join on comms.  Yep, sure is.

May was dressed like Storm when she was in the Outcasts.

Mariah May vs Saraya

Backstory: They’ve wrestled a few times, damned if I can remember the exact feud and AEW didn’t bother telling us

Excalibur mentioned Storm challenging Mina at Stardom.  But that was it.  Didn’t show it, didn’t elaborate, Storm didn’t say anything.

Saraya attacked before the bell (the cameras were already on Storm so we missed it).  Storm made lots of jokes: ‘smash her tits in… where the breast wrestle.’  As May dominated Saraya with a spinning slam.

Saraya bailed outside and yelled.  Then kept making May chase her.  Schiavone indirectly said Harley Cameron had nice breasts.  The ten count was totally ignored, as were Cameron and Zak Knight distracting May so Saraya could send her to the barricade.

Ads.  Jesus it went barely a few minutes and Saraya had to engage every shortcut in the book.

Slugging up from the mat, flurry of forearms from May, they grabbed e/o’s hair, ducked lariats, May landed a headbutt, running back elbow in the corner, handstand rana, to the top, shotgun, two.  Mariah smacked her head landing on that.

Hip attack coming, hit, surely she’s not going to win that cleanly?  Nope.  Kickout.  Back to slugging, each countered ddt attempts until Knightfall, May kicked out.  Saraya looked shocked, the announcers put May over for kicking out.

Storm made lots of jokes about working on ‘head’ moves.  As Saraya got a raised sharpshooter, May was looking desperately at Storm and then verbally tapped.  WTF?  Why on earth?  If May’s going to feud with Storm she needs some credibility.  Saraya’s only value is as something of a name to put others over.  Guessing the idea was to play into Storm throwing the towel in but still.

The heels were beating down May and Storm till Mina Shirakawa easily ran them off.  She snuggled May to her breast, Storm wasn’t happy.  Mina and Storm banged their breasts together until May clutched them both to hers.

Subtle.

They put a graphic up for Toni vs Mina.  Might want to actually show or at least tell people why this is happening.  But nope, HLA’ll do.

Been said here before – sure would be nice to see May wrestle someone good to see her full potential.  Another strong showing.

Winner: Saraya

Learning Tree now to yell at Private Party about parties that are private not being as much fun.  Bill again got positively philosophical; Keith again got angry about disrespecting Jericho when PP rejected the advice.  Jericho said he’d get them tv time by putting them on ‘TV Time’ next week.

No idea if PP are faces or heels.  And the feuds between stars and guys who only appear on tv to lose continue.  In case the subtlety’s been missed: Jericho yells, Bill’s philosophical, Keith’s angry.

*****

Danielson put over Yuta for winning.  Then said this last full-time year of his career hasn’t been what he wanted.  He lost to Cage for the TNT belt, didn’t win the CC, lost to Okada, ‘I lose and I lose and I lose.’

He was down about losing AitA.  But then realized his last year isn’t over yet.  Firing up, he said that winning the Owen tournament to get a title shot at Wembley might be his last shot but he’ll give it everything.

Nice promo.  Makes that tournament a lot more interesting – if, and it’s a big if, AEW actually tell the story well and put across that each time Danielson steps into the ring it could be his last chance at the AEW title.

Now, alternatively, he could just ask Tony Khan on Collision, doesn’t even have to be polite.  Bringing us nicely to…

Swerve Strickland vs Roderick Strong (AEW Title)

Backstory: AEW completely undid the whole point of last week’s gauntlet by having Strong complain to Khan about not getting out there for it so demanding a title shot which Khan happily gave him (also totally undercutting new authority figure Chris Daniels who Strong ignored)

Strong came out with the Kingdom geeks.  So look forward to interference early and often.  They’re trying to make you think there’s some doubt as to who will face Ospreay at the ppv.  Swerve clearly knows better since he sent the contract to Ospreay earlier.

Strickland’s in for the ‘fight of his life,’ per Taz.  What made prime JR so good was he understood that not everything can be the biggest, toughest or best.  Or nothing is.

They grappled to a ropebreak before Swerve got a headlock, working it down to the mat, back up again, whipped off, shoulder block but then tripped by Strong.  To a Strong front facelock, crowd chanting loudly for Swerve.  Swerve put on the brakes from a whip, handstand tejeiras, looking for a brainbuster, avoiding a leaping knee, looking for House Call, Strong bailed outside.

Nice sequence.  Atmosphere’s helping.

Strong back in teeing off in the corner.  Swerve reversed things, landing a running dropkick to the knee, Strong limping back up, firing a chop, a forearm, Swerve got a front-first whip and went to the top, Swerve looked really dumb getting distracted by Matt Taven simply being nearby.  And took a backbreaker across the buckle and spilled outside.

Strong followed and was catapulted to the ringpost.  Nana could be heard cackling in delight, never not great.

Ads.

Swerve countered a backbreaker into a knee strike, avoided a charge, diving elbow to the spine, stupid dance, stungun, boot missing badly, flatliner into a brainbuster for two.  Not as smooth as usual.

The goons got on the apron so Strong could get two, Swerve hit an off the shoulder powerslam, missed a House Call, again very obviously.  Another sloppy sequence saw Swerve get half-ass caught by the Kingdom then get dropped neck-first across the apron by Strong.  Excalibur said all the Kingdom had done was try to catch Swerve so it was fine.

A wobbly Swerve kept trying to shove Strong away, flatliner countered into a chestbreaker, flurry of running elbows from Strong into an Angle slam, high stack for two.  Sick kick for another two.

Swerve hit a thrust kick, tripping Strong on the apron, then a vaulting Stomp.  House Call coming, missed very obviously again, Swerve countered a backbreaker into House Call to win.  Really nice action; not as lengthy as some ‘good matches’; not a lick of drama.

Doesn’t feel like Swerve’s had a meaningful match for months now.  Because he hasn’t.  The last time it was possible he might not win was Revolution in early March.  None of which is helped by constant eliminators and ‘title matches’ which only make it less likely he’ll lose.  A babyface without jeopardy makes for a boring champion.

Swerve went and celebrated with an old lady in the front row and Nana did the dance with her.  She was very into it.  Fun way to end the show.

Winner: Swerve Strickland

________________________________________________________________

Forbidden Door:

  • Mercedes vs Vaquer is title vs title

Next Dynamite:

  • Ospreay vs Rey Fenix (Int’nl title)
  • Private Party on ‘TV Time’

Thumbs Up/Down

  • Main event, eight-man and Briscoe/Cage were all good wrestling, even May/Saraya had its moments after the break
  • But Bryan Alvarez summed up recent AEW tv perfectly: it isn’t bad per se, but when the show’s over, you’re not hankering for the next step in a storyline, or some other development, you’re not ‘hooked,’ not gripped, not engaged

*****

  • Linked to that, MJF’s return felt flat (admittedly I didn’t like the promo, but that’s not why), a brief skirmish with Rush is not enough when a guy who is all-but the company’s centrepiece returns: where’s he going? What’s he after?  Why isn’t he after the title?  We should have some idea so we can anticipate his next move
  • Much of the problem is also a never-ending wave of predictable finishes – Ospreay/Fenix will no doubt be killer action but could be so much more with just a little work to make the latter a viable winner, it’s the same old, very lazy approach of ‘the match will be good, so we don’t need to do anything’
  • And feuds – not a thing on this show advanced an issue between two wrestlers on similar levels who fans care about and wonder who will win – the very essence of pro-wrestling
  • The Learning Tree stuff is presumably meant to be ‘so bad it’s good;’ it’s channel-changing

Appreciate you reading.  Hope you’re having a good week.

Paul Hemming
Paul Hemminghttps://h00kedon.weebly.com/
Paul Hemming got into AEW during the pandemic, lives in Liverpool, England, and is a huge Liverpool fan, Playstation player and history lover.

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