The Smack is being laid Down for us tonight in Corpus Christi Texas.
Match #1: Randy Orton versus Damien Sandow in a Money in the Bank winner versus Money in the Bank winner.
Damien Sandow berates the crowd before the match, claiming they usually get their entertainment from cow tipping and watching bug zappers. After the bell the two men lock up and Sandow gets Orton in a headlock. Orton escapes and hits Sandow with a back elbow. The two men lock up again. Sandow reapplies the headlock and takes Orton to the mat.
Orton escapes, Sandow hits him with a kick and puts him in a headlock. Sandow hits Orton with a shoulder block and Orton responds with several strikes. Orton knocks Sandow down with a clothesline and then suplexes him. Orton stomps on Sandow’s hand and foot. Orton misses a big knee drop and Sandow stomps on Randy and steps on his neck.
Sandow hits Orton with a headbutt and Orton responds by throwing Sandow to the floor. Orton hits Sandow with a European uppercut and suplexes him onto the security barrier. The two men exchange a series of strikes in the corner until Sandow snaps Orton’s head and neck down across the top rope.
Orton mounts Sandow in the corner and lands 10 punches to the head with the crowd counting along. Sandow hits Orton in the gut with a knee strike. Sandow beats Orton down and puts him in a body scissors. Randy escapes and lands a few strikes; Sandow responds with knee lifts to the chest.
Sandow hits a side Russian leg sweep and follows up with a theatrical elbow drop. Sandow gets Orton in a bodyscissors again. Orton escapes and they exchange punches. Sandow hits a clothesline and Orton responds with a pair of clotheslines. Orton hits Sandow with a scoop slam. Sandow lands a punch and Orton lands an uppercut.
Orton tries to give Sandow a rope hung DDT but Sandow backdrops him to the floor. Cody Rhodes comes out and steals Sandow’s Money in the Bank briefcase; Orton takes advantage of the distraction and hits Sandow with an RKO for the win. After the match, Cody leaves with the briefcase.
CM Punk comes out to the ring to address his feud with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Punk says he’s going to exploit Lesnar’s weakness, and he claims his weakness is that he trusts Paul Heyman. Punk claims Heyman’s weakness is his ego. Just as Punk is describing how he intends to repeatedly kick Brock in the head, he is interrupted by Summer Rae and Fandango. Punk knocks Fandango out with the GTS and walks away.
Match #2: Prime Time Players and Wade Barrett versus Jimmy and Jey Uso and Mark Henry.
Darren Young start off against Jey Uso. Young gets an armlock and transitions to a headlock. Young hits Jey with a shouldr block, Jey knocks Young down and tags in Jimmy. Jimmy lands a series of chops and punches until Young tags in Titus Oneal. Titus hits Jimmy with a big boot to the face and tags in Barrett.
Wade lands a punch and a clothesline and then beats on Jimmy in the corner. Wade lands an elbow and tags in Titus. Titus lands an elbow drop and applies a chin lock. Jimmy fights back with a headbutt, but Titus picks him up and tosses him over his back. Jimmy tags in Mark Henry, and Henry flattens Titus.
All 6 men end up in the ring briefly, until Henry hits Titus with the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
When we return, Alberto Del Rio enters Vickie Guerrero’s office. Alberto wants the chance to pick his next opponent, just like Brad Maddox allowed John Cena to pick his opponent on Raw. RVD interrupts and says he’s the one that should wrestle Alberto for the World title.
Alberto says RVD can’t just come back for a couple weeks and expect a title shot, he has to prove himself. RVD says that’s a GREAT idea, he can prove himself tonight by beating Alberto Del Rio. RVD then thanks Alberto for the helpful tip.
In the back, Damien Sandow is still searching for Cody and his briefcase.
Match #3: RVD versus Alberto Del Rio.
RVD lands a series of kicks and punches and Alberto retreats to the floor. Alberto takes a LONG time to re-enter the ring. RVD hits Alberto with a big spin kick. Alberto collapses into the corner clutching his ribs. Alberto tells the ref “no mas” and the ref looks like he may stop it. Alberto takes advantage and hits RVD with a superkick for the win.
Damien Sandow approaches Booker T and Mark Henry, asking if they’ve seen Cody. Damien thinks Booker should know what’s going on, since he used to be GM. Booker looks offended, but Henry calms him down. The overlord of the House of Pain has always been a model of restraint.
AJ Lee comes out with Big E Langston to discuss the state of her mind. She has heard that some people think she’s on the verge of a breakdown because of her lost friendship with Kaitlyn and the way Dolph dumped her last week.
AJ says she’s just fine though, because she is Divas champ, and will never lose the title. She also says that she still has the keys to Dolph’s house, and pulls them out. She said she was going to use them to break into his house and burn it down, but instead thinks she’s ready to give them back.
Dolph comes out and he’s all smiles. He tells AJ that he’s given keys to hundreds of girls, and he’s already changed the locks a couple times since AJ left. AJ then takes out a suitcase that she stole from him and proceeds to destroy his license and passport, and then rips up his clothes.
Dolph says he’d rather wait in line to get a new license than spend any more time with her. He also says there is a passport office down the street and the girl that works there owes him a favor. Apparently he taught her some move in bed involving one of her legs over her head.
Dolph apologizes for not being PG. AJ is enraged and the crowd chants “you’re a psycho!” Eventually AJ leaves the ring but she gets speared by her old friend Kaitlyn. Big E goes to check on AJ and Dolph takes out Big E with a Fame-asser
Match #4: Tons of Funk versus the Wyatt Family.
Squash. Luke Harper takes Sweet Tea down with a clothesline and Eric Rowan pins him after a big splash. After the match, Wyatt hits Sweet T with a swinging reverse STO. Bray Wyatt says he thinks Kane is probably looking for him now, and tells Kane to follow the buzzards.
Match #5: Christian versus Jack Swagger with Zeb Coulter.
Zeb does one of his anti-immigrant rants and asks if Texas is now “North Mexico.” The match begins with Christian and Swagger locking up. Swagger takes Christian down and then does pushups on his back. Swagger pushes Christian in the corner and Christian responds with a few punches.
Swagger slams Christian into the corner and stomps on him. Christian hits Swagger with a kick and Swagger responds with a backdrop that sends Christian out to the floor. Christian knocks Swagger down and climbs to the top rope. Swagger cuts Christian off and throws him across the ring and out to the floor.
Swagger has Christian trapped in the corner but Christian hits him with a pendulum kick followed by a missile dropkick. Christian hits Swagger with several punches and a flying forearm. Christian jumps out of the ring to punch up at Swagger.
Can you hear Michael Cole yell “Vintage Christian” when you read that? You should have, because he did.
Christian again goes to the top but misses with a crossbody. Swagger goes for a gutwrench powerbomb but Christian counters it. Christian tries to hit the Kill Switch; Swagger blocks it but Christian hits a reverse DDT. Christian climbs to the second rope and hits Swagger with a back elbow.
Swagger slams Christian into the corner and goes for a Swagger bomb, but Christian gets the knees up. Swagger gets the ankle lock (or patriot lock) on but Christian escapes and whips Swagger hard into the steel post. Christian hits Swagger with the Kill Switch for the win!
After the match, Damien Sandow makes his way to the ring, looking very angry. Damien threatens to have Cody arrested for stealing his briefcase and wants Vickie to fire him. Cody Rhodes appears on the big screen at this point, holding Sandow’s briefcase. Cody explains that he’s not in the arena, he’s across the street overlooking the Gulf of Mexico, and he invites Damien to come get his briefcase.
When we return, Damien is storming out of the building and walking across the street to the Gulf of Mexico. Damien doesn’t want Cody to do anything stupid, but Cody seems slightly insulted by that, wondering if Damien thinks he’s stupid.
Sandow says Cody was actually the smarter of the two when they were a team, and that Cody also carried the team. Sandow is really kissing Cody’s ass right now to try and save his briefcase, but I don’t think it’s going to work. Cody says all Damien has to do is come on over and take back his briefcase, because he earned it.
Cody then throws the briefcase into the Gulf and walks away laughing. Damien leaps into the Gulf after the briefcase and immediately starts screaming that he can’t swim. Damien manages to make it to a ladder going back up to the street and then collapses. Damien is still coughing up water and crying as SmackDown goes off the air.