Hey everybody! It’s @TheMagnumDA with the last Raw report for the month of April 2017! We’re one week away from #WWEPayback, with many scores to settle before we get to San Jose. With that said, here we go! We are LIVE from Kansas City, Missouri.
We start with a recap of Braun Strowman’s path of destruction. Is this going to lead to Brock vs. Braun? Or a rematch between Roman and Brock? Let me know your opinion on Twitter! They played the Kalisto scene again. Man, that was glorious. Of course, this all leads to the RING DESTROYING SUPERPLEX that took place between Braun Strowman and The Big Show. Pretty cool moment.
The announcers welcome the fans to RAW, and they have announced Braun Strowman vs. Kalisto in a Dumpster Match! Wow, haha! Something incredible is going to be happening tonight. We open with CHRIS JERICHO, who comes out for the Highlight Reel! Jericho declares that this is the last Highlight Reel on Raw, because he’s going to Smackdown Live after next week. He announces HIMSELF as tonight’s guest on the Highlight Reel. Y2J states that he will defeat KO next week at Payback to win back the United States Champion once again. Jericho says some hilarious comments about KO’s “Face of America”, but this is interrupted by The Miz and Maryse!
Miz comes out and tells Jericho that he’s yesterday’s news. A HUGE “YOU SUCK” chant breaks out, and Miz seems pleasantly surprised by the heat from the fans. Miz says the “Highlight Reel” has been cancelled and replaced by “MizTV” immediately! Whoa, really? The argument between Miz and Jericho about the “Jeritron 6000” is hilarious. Just as Miz starts his bit, DEAN AMBROSE interrupts! He calls the Miz a “Stupid Idiot” and the crowd chants at him. Miz informs Dean that Chris never said it, but Chris tells him “Well, I was thinking it…” great banter! Dean gets a moving crew to then replace Miz’s set! What in the world? The Ambrose Asylum has begun, apparently! He introduces everyone in the ring as a guest, even Miz and Maryse. Dean and Chris have a moment of forgiveness, including Dean offering Chris a jacket wrapped in Christmas Lights! Dean asks him to “Try it on, man…!” Miz is PISSED, but Jericho cuts him off to try the jacket on. Miz tells the fans that they should be thankful to have a guy like him on Raw, after looking at this display. Miz demands that people should be giving him gifts, instead of this scene. Dean offers him Dirty Deeds as a gift. To add salt on the wound, Jericho adds Maryse to THE LIST! What a jacket!
Match #1 – Matt Hardy vs. Sheamus
They lock up and Matt tries a quick rollup for two. Matt gets behind and Sheamus nails him with an elbow and a headlock. Matt throws Sheamus into the ropes, but he gets shoulder charged for two. Matt hits a neckbreaker for two, followed by a series of legdrops for two. Sheamus fights out of Hardy’s headlock, and then kicks Matt. Sheamus tries the forearms, but they tussle on the apron. An AWESOME Side Effect on the apron by Matt as they go to break. After the break, Sheamus has Matt Hardy in the…you guessed it, HEADLOCK! Matt fights up and punches Sheamus’ lights out. Sheamus charges Matt in the corner, and does a reverse “Ten Beats” from the apron. He adds a neckbreaker from the ropes for added heel intent. Sheamus puts Matt on his shoulders, but Matt fights out. Sheamus misses a charge in the corner shoulder-first. This leads to Matt hitting a Tornado DDT from the ropes! Crowd starts cheering them on! They exchange some huge fists, and Matt throws Sheamus into the corner posts, followed by a clothesline and the running bulldog! HARDY SCREAM leads to an elbow for the ONE, TWO, NO! Matt tries to hit the Twist of Fate, but Sheamus KNEES him right in the mush. Sheamus runs off the apron, but Hardy’s waiting for him. Sheamus counters THAT for a rolling senton drop. The seconds get involved, leading to a fight outside between Jeff and Sheamus. As Cesaro approaches and this clears, Matt Hardy catches Sheamus with the Twist of Fate for the ONE, TWO, THREE!
Winner: Matt Hardy (**)
After the match, the Europeans offer to shake hands, and the Hardys are reluctant. The fans tell them “No!” but they still shake hands like idiot babyfaces. Surprisingly, there’s no attack whatsoever. Sheamus and Cesaro even raise Jeff and Matt’s arms in victory! Ooh…the slow burn. Meanwhile, Miz barges in on Kurt Angle and tells him that he was embarrassed by what happened earlier tonight. Kurt tells Miz that he needs to find a tag partner, because they’ll be facing Dean Ambrose and Chris Jericho. Maryse yells at Kurt in French, and…yeah. That goes as well as you think.
Match #2 – Neville & TJ Perkins vs. Austin Aries & Gentleman Jack Gallagher
Aries and Gallagher run into the ring and start brawling with TJ and Neville right away. Neville and TJ regroup briefly, but they get thrown outside as we go to break! TJ dropkicks Jack in the back of the head, and then tags in Neville. Neville gets Jack in a headlock, as Austin tries to get the fans into the match. The announcers discuss a “Symbiotic” relationships, as Gallagher gets traded offer between Neville and Perkins. Gallagher counters TJ’s offense and eventually tags in Aries. Austin is HOT tonight, and catches TJ with some elbows and fists, followed by the standing lariat. Neville gets the earclap, and gets sent outside as TJ is hit with the DDT on the middle rope. Aries with a dive to the outside! Back inside, Austin covers TJ for two, and then gets him in the Last Chancery! The seconds enter once again and trade offense, leading to Neville hitting some kicks on Jack, followed by an Irish Whip. This leads to a dual headbutt! TJ gets up, but Jack and Austin are waiting for him! Elbow by Jack leads to the FIVE-ARM by Austin Aries on TJ! ONE, TWO, THREE!
Winners: Austin Aries & Jack Gallagher (**1/2)
Match #3 – Dumpster Match
Kalisto vs. Braun Strowman
Oh man, this is going to be very ugly. Hopefully it’s brilliant, too! Kalisto has new music that actually sounds kinda bad guy-ish. Is a heel turn in order for him after this? Kalisto starts with kicks to the legs, while Braun misses a charge. Good start so far for the little guy! Sadly, Kalisto gets a little too close and Braun throws him towards the dumpster. Kalisto hits some kicks on the apron, followed by a huge missile dropkick! NASTY jawbreaker by Kalisto! Sadly, Braun catches Kalisto and then suplexes him across the entire ring. Braun steps over Kalisto…literally. Braun points at the dumpster, and Kalisto is about to be tossed in, he gets Braun in a headlock that almost, ALMOST, ALMOST gets him over! Braun eventually catches his balance, and then torments Kalisto with abuse across the ring. Strowman charges and DESTROYS Kalisto in the corner. Braun picks up Kalisto and just chops him into dust. Braun clubs Kalisto in the chest, and then heaves him over the ropes! Kalisto tries to get up, but Braun clubs him down. Braun lifts Kalisto up in the Gorilla Press, but Kalisto dropkicks Braun’s legs, knocking him into the dumpster! IT’S OVER! Wait, it’s over? Don’t you have to close the lid on your opponent (like a Casket Match)? Whatever.
Winner: Kalisto (*)
After the match, Kalisto is destroyed by Braun Strowman. Absolutely mauled. Strowman takes the fight to the outside, where Kalisto is thrown into the barricade. Strowman then throws Kalisto’s corpse into the dumpster and carries it up the ramp…where Braun proceeds to seal the dumpster! The agents try to stop him, but it’s far too late. STROWMAN PROCEEDS TO THROW THE DUMPSTER OFF THE STAGE WITH KALISTO INSIDE! Holy goodness gracious. The agents scramble to save Kalisto as we go to break. They recap the chaos that ensued in the previous segment.
You know, just a quick editorial: This is Kansas City…these people haven’t forgotten Owen. I know it’s been 18 years and all, but it’s fresh in many of our minds. It’s kinda tasteless that they would resort to a serious angle (with an emergency vehicle) in this city. I figured that kinda stuff would be off-limits.
The announcers show a recap video of Roman Reigns. This is interrupted by Bray Wyatt, who has some haunting words (and images) for RKO, leading up to their “House of Horrors” match at Payback for the WWE Championship. So if Bray wins, does the WWE Championship come to Raw with him? They never really did explain that one.
Match #4 – Alicia Fox vs. Dana Brooke
They lock up, and Alicia takes Dana to the corner. Alicia hits some knees, followed by a Northern Lights Suplex for two. As she continues to beat down Dana, Emma shows up down the entrance way. Back inside, Alicia hits an elbow, but gets clotheslined by Dana. They bumble a spot, and Dana hits a completely awful version of her finisher for the three. That match was feces.
Winner: Dana Brooke (No stars)
The announcers run down the matches for Payback, and then we are backstage with Samoa Joe, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson. They all talk trash, and they cut a promo on their opponents at Payback. This includes Karl Anderson calling Enzo a “Butt Nugget”. Boy, we’re really just not giving a shit about the whole Owen thing, are we? Tonight, it’s a six-man tag team match where they will take on those opponents…Seth Rollins, Enzo Amore, and Big Cass. While Enzo and Cass make their entrance, Gallows, Anderson, and Joe attack Enzo and Cass! Seth Rollins makes his entrance, but at this point he’s outmanned 3-to-1! Cass finally gets in the ring to even the score a little! Unfortunately, Enzo is OUT on the outside. We get yet another serious situation going into the break, as the agents tend to a fallen Enzo. When we come back to break, Kurt Angle announces Enzo’s replacement…
Match #5 – Samoa Joe, Luke Gallows, and Karl Anderson vs. Seth Rollins, Big Cass, and Finn Balor
They brawl inside to start, and then scramble outside. Cass clubs Gallows in the corner, and lays in some elbows. Cass splashes Gallows in the corner, and hits a fallaway slam. Seth gets tagged in, and he nails Gallows from the top. Balor is tagged in, and he lays some forearms into Gallows’ face. Gallows gets a right in, and tags in Anderson. Balor hits a dropkick, but Anderson carries Balor into the corner, tagging in Joe. Joe hits a VICIOUS kick to the guts, followed by jabs to the face. Anderson tags in and clubs down Balor. Balor is put into an armbar as the fans cheer Finn on. Finn tries to tag out, but he gets pulled in for a backbreaker by Anderson for two. Anderson with another armbar, pulling Balor back into the heel corner. Gallows tags in and hits some SERIOUS shots to Finn’s gut.
Gallows with a reverse wristlock takes Finn down. Balor fights up, but gets thrown in the corner. Balor charges but gets caught in a side suplex. Huge kick to Cass on the apron, but he misses a legdrop to Balor! HOT TAGS! Seth is house of fire! Rollins with a Blockbuster on Anderson! Sling Blade by Rollins! Rollins gets caught by Gallows and Anderson, but he fights out! Cass boots Gallows on the apron, leaving Seth and Samoa Joe! Anderson gets thrown out and saved by Joe, but this leads to a suicide dive by Seth! Seth gets up and Joe grabs his legs! Balor kicks Joe off him! Back inside, Rollins ends his use of the Pedigree, opting to hit the DRIVING KNEE to Anderson! ONE, TWO, THREE!
Winners: Seth Rollins, Big Cass, and Finn Balor (***)
Backstage, Miz tries to ask Sheamus and Cesaro for help later tonight. They smile and walk away. That was really funny.
Alexa Bliss comes out and tells everyone that there are people in the locker room that have a sob story about achieving their dream, and it makes her sick. Bayley comes out and says that she knows who Alexa is talking about. Still, Bayley says she can’t wait to beat Alexa in her hometown this Sunday. Alexa tells her that this fiary tale dream is going to have a nightmare ending this Sunday. This brings out Sasha Banks, who tells Alexa that Bayley will show her up and shut her up. Sasha challenges Alexa right now, but Alexa tells her no. Sasha forearms Alexa right in the face, and it’s ON!
Match #6 – Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks
Bayley is on commentary for this match. Banks charges after Bliss, but Alexa goes into the ropes. Alexa attacks her with the ref in between. Alexa then beats down Sasha and gets a nearfall. Sasha gets some offense, but Alexa counters with a lariat. Sasha grabs Alexa’s leg, and knees her in the face. They screw up a spot on the corner, which is immediately aborted and turned into a nearfall. Alexa kicks Sasha with her back turned in the corner. Sasha counters with an armbar faceplant and a Banks Statement attempt. Bliss gets to the ropes and goes outside. Then she starts to walk towards the entrance, leaving the ref no choice but to finish the ten-count.
Winner by Count Out: Sasha Banks (*1/2)
After the match, Bayley grabs Alexa by the hair and pulls her back towards the ring. Alexa runs off, but soon after charges and DECKS Bayley with her back turned. Man, that Alexa is dangerous. Backstage, Dean and Chris are talking backstage. I love that the jacket is lit up behind them. Dean asks Chris nicely if he can be taken off the list. Chris tells him “No”, and then reminds him that he owes him $15,000 for the last jacket that was ruined by Ambrose. Dean somehow gets himself off the list, and then back on the list in a matter of seconds. Nice one, dude.
Charly is now backstage with Curtis Axel and Heath Slater, who are talking about their appearance in The Marine 5. Miz and Maryse interrupt and look for a tag team partner. They both turn him down, but someone shows up with a note that pleases Miz. Perhaps he has an awesome tag team partner now?
Curt Hawkins is in the ring looking to add to his ever-growing list of guys in the Star Factory! This brings out Apollo Crews, who gets literally no reaction. Poor guy. He needs to turn heel.
Match #7 – Apollo Crews vs. Curt Hawkins
Crews gets knocked down by Hawkins, but then get returns serve with some awesome, athletic offense. Hawkins botches a knee into the corner, but then he continues to stomp on Apollo. Hawkins with a suplex gets two. Hawkins with a chinlock on Crews, but Apollo fights up and hits a SICK running kick to the face. They trade kicks, and Apollo hits a jumping kick and an, leading to the spinout power bomb for the ONE, TWO, THREE!
Winner: Apollo Crews (*)
After the match, Titus O’Neil raises Apollo’s arm and the crowd reacts favorably to them! They take a selfie together! Oh man, Apollo’s reaction is the best! After this, the announcers recap the rivalry between Roman Reigns and Braun Strowman. Finally, Miz and Angle are discussing Miz’s tag team partner, which leads to THE DRIFTER wandering around in the background. Angle tells Miz “Good choice.” Hilarious! Angle tells Miz “Good luck…you’re going to need it.” Miz returns with, “No, I won’t!” Angle: “Yes, you will!” These guys are magic together.
Main Event – Chris Jericho & Dean Ambrose vs. The Miz and…
Miz’s partner doesn’t arrive, apparently. Jericho nails Miz in the corner and pelts him with chops. Jericho and Ambrose double-team Miz and knock him to the outside as we go to break! When we return, Dean drills Miz with a suplex and tags in Jericho. Jericho hits a back elbow and catches Miz with a huge suplex. Miz gets drilled with a running knee from Jericho, and Ambrose is tagged in. They hit a double team maneuver, but Miz begs off Dean and asks for a handshake. The crowd chants “No!” as Miz slaps Dean right in the face. The chase is on outside, but Dean is distracted by Maryse, allowing Miz to capitalize. He throws Dean in the barricade outside, and back first into the ring apron. Back inside, a running mafia kick by Miz gets two! They hit the chinlock as the crowd chants “Let’s Go, Ambrose!” Dean fights up, but Miz takes him back down with a neckbreaker. Miz starts doing the Daniel Bryan kicks, but Ambrose counters and rolls Miz up! ONE, TWO, NO! Clothesline by Ambrose! Jericho gets the HOT TAG and he’s a HOUSE OF FIRE!
Jericho with a shoulder tackle, and a chop from the top rope! Running bulldog by Jericho, followed by the Lionsault! Codebreaker is countered by Miz, who escapes the ring and runs back towards the entrance. Dean is ready and waiting for him in the aisle way! Dean clobbers Miz and clears the announcer’s booth! Just as Dirty Deeds is about to be hit onto Miz, BRAY WYATT appears and DRILLS Dean with Sister Abigail into the videoboard. Jericho starts to fight Wyatt, but Miz helps Bray take down Y2J. Bray and Miz take Jericho back into the ring, but Jericho catches Miz with the Codebreaker! Wyatt grabs Jericho and lays him out with Sister Abigail. Miz and Bray Wyatt celebrate together, but that doesn’t last long as Wyatt DRILLS Miz with Sister Abigail. “FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS!” We go to credits!
Winner: No Contest
Final Thoughts: Aside from a few tasteless choices, I enjoyed the go-home build for Payback. I’ll be watching next Sunday! See you next Monday from Sacramento!