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Monday Night Raw TV report for 04/17/2017

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Hey everybody! It’s @TheMagnumDA with tonight’s Raw Report. We are one week removed from the ROSTER SHAKEUP, with tonight’s broadcast taking place on the campus of Ohio State University.

We start with a recap of last week, where Braun Strowman completely annihilated Roman Reigns. Braun comes out to tell fans that he’s proud of everything he did to Roman Reigns. He also said that he’s proud to announce that Reigns won’t be here tonight. Braun intends on tearing through the rest of the Raw Roster, but KURT ANGLE’S theme music plays! He comes out and asks Braun what he’s trying to prove. Angle tells Braun that he gets Roman in two weeks at Payback. Angle tells him that he has the night off after what happened last week. Braun says he wants more competition…OR ELSE! Angle says, “Or else what?” This prompts Strowman to simply walk out. Uh oh.

Match #1 – Chris Jericho vs. Samoa Joe

Seth Rollins joins Booker T, Corey Graves, and Michael Cole for commentary. Quick word of warning: When they have guest commentators, they pull the cameras away from the action. I’ll do my best! Joe tackles Jericho in the corner and beats him down with fists and knees. Y2J chant breaks out as Jericho gets kicked right in the face. Joe charges at Jericho, but Chris hits a drop kick and a cross body for two. Joe breaks out of a Walls attempt, but Jericho sends Samoa Joe to the outside and drop kicks him from the apron! After the break, Joe is picking up a prone Jericho, and dropping him on his bum with a snap mare and a knee to the back for a nearfall. This is followed up by some throat chops and a nerve hold by Joe. Jericho fights out and climbs to the top rope. Jericho connects from the top, but Joe immediately pops up with a power slam for two. They exchange nearfalls and fight into the corner, where Samoa Joe plants Jericho. From the second rope, Joe misses a senton! Jericho turns Samoa Joe over for the Walls of Jericho! They trade fists while Joe is on his back, but Samoa Joe powers out of the Walls! Kokina Clutch by Samoa Joe! Jericho tries to recreate the Bret Hart reverse sleeperhold finish, but this only gets two! Meanwhile, Joe holds onto the Kokina Clutch and Jericho has no choice but to tap out. Good stuff! Pretty short, though.

Winner: Samoa Joe (**3/4)

Afterwards, Joe grabs a mic and tells Seth Rollins that he remembers the sounds he heard on the night of his debut. He said that he enjoyed the sounds of Seth Rollins’ knee being torn apart, as well as his cries. Joe says that he was hired by Triple H, and he considers what happened to The Authority at WrestleMania “disgusting”. Joe says he will get Payback on behalf of Triple H in two weeks. Seth says “Payback is a bitch.” We see Gallows & Anderson backstage, as well as the Golden Truth. Unfortunately, Braun steps into the camera shot and destroys both Goldust and R-Truth. Love Finlay here…”HOW’S GOLDIE, THERE?”

When we return from break, a referee tells Braun to leave. Braun smiles and departs. Got you! 🙂 Braun scares him off and says he’ll leave when he wants to.

Match #2 – Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson vs. Enzo & Big Cass

Enzo & Cass step in for the Golden Truth! Big Cass beats down Anderson to start…and I mean “beat down” all over the ring. Enzo comes in and gets a nearfall. He tags Cass back in and Anderson gets beat down in the corner. Cass hits a shoulder tackle, and clotheslines Anderson to the outside. Enzo & Cass hit their double-team moves to Anderson and Gallows as we go to break! After the break, Enzo fights out of his opponents’ corner and tries to make the hot tag. Anderson knocks Enzo down with an AWESOME point kick and prevents the tag. Anderson and Gallows cut off the ring and exchange tags. Gallows wraps up an armlock on Enzo as the crowd continues to cheer on Amore. He gets to his feet, but Gallows hits a single-arm DDT and goes back to the arm. Good psychology! Enzo goes back into the Gaijin corner, as Anderson is tagged back in. Anderson continues on the arm, but Enzo starts to fight out as the crowd continues to cheer him on. Enzo makes one last attempt, but he gets hit with a HUGE spinebuster for the ONE, TWO, NO! Gallows is tagged back in as the beat down continues on Enzo. Somehow, Enzo connects with a huge DDT, but he is AGAIN foiled in a tag attempt. Anderson tries a kick in the corner, but he misses! Hot tag to Cass! Cass is a HOUSE OF FIRE! Pair of elbows! Corner splash and a side slam to Anderson! Empire Elbow! Big Boot to Anderson! Big Boot to Gallows but they both go outside! Wild finish: Anderson simply withstands an Enzo attack from the top rope, and then PLANTS him crotch-first back into the corner. This gets the ONE, TWO, THREE~!

Winners: Anderson & Gallows (**)

It’s time for MizTV! Miz and Maryse are out here. Before their guests arrive, Miz takes a moment to talk about last week. He says that when he left Monday Night Raw, obviously a stowaway came with him. This brings out their guest, Dean Ambrose! Miz is PISSED because he had an introduction that just got interrupted. Ambrose gets an OHIO chant going! Miz asks him if he thinks is a joke. Ambrose says that Miz’s outfit is a joke. Miz says he looks like this because he’s a star, and Ambrose looks like a disgrace by comparison. Miz calls him lazy and complacent, which I think is a personal dig/burial from Vince himself. Dean says he doesn’t care about image, because he’s about busting his ass! Dean reminds Miz who he took the Intercontinental Championship from. Maryse steps in and says a wise parable about the man making the championship. Miz jumps in and says he worked extremely hard to bring relevance to the title. Miz says with Dean as IC Champion, the title is now a joke. Dean starts to beat Miz down, but Maryse attacks Ambrose! Miz tries to attack him, but Dean catches him in Dirty Deeds! Sadly, Miz finds a way to weasel out of the predicament and leave the ring. Great promo!

Braun walks around backstage DRAGGING KALISTO WITH HIM! He yells, “ROMAN REIGNS IS GARBAGE…AND NOW YOU ARE TOO!” This guy is almost Snitsky-like with his own brand of unintentional humour. Braun throws him in the dumpster, but BIG SHOW ARRIVES AND DROPS BRAUN with a shove. Show screams, “Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size, Braun?!” Ohh…shit’s on!

Match #3 – TJ Perkins vs. Gentleman Jack Gallagher

Neville comes out ringside, but not before he gets a full entrance. To even the odds, Austin Aries shows up! Aries offers Neville a banana as the match begins. Gallagher gets Perkins in a headlock and takes him down. Perkins rolls up and gets to his feet. Jack holds onto the headlock, even through a nimble jaunt up the ropes and back down to the canvas. TJ fights out and gets Jack in an armbar. Jack cleverly gets out of the armbar, and turns this into an incredible roll-up for two! TJ counters with a headscissors, but Jack counters with one of his own! TJ gets Jack by the legs, but Jack monkey flips out of it, sending Perkins down! TJ throws down William III in disgust! TJ Perkins with a SICK rope sprawl, and Jack makes a huge mistake by diving at the ropes, allowing Perkins to move. Jack hits the mats outside HARD as we go to break. After the break, Perkins continues to work on the arm and neck. Jack fights out and hits a series of suplexes and a slam for two. Perkins hits a back elbow and a springboard forearm to the face! Gallagher turns and hits a HUGE headbutt on TJ! Jack grabs William III and heads to the top rope! MARY POPPINS FROM THE TOP TO THE OUTSIDE! TJ rolls out of the ring after Jack follows him in. Perkins throws Jack right into Austin Aties! As Aries recovers and tries to intervene, Neville attacks him! Jack checks outside, but TJ kicks him right in the eyes with the ropes! TJ hits him with an AWESOME Detonation Kick for the ONE, TWO, THREE! Can’t believe they got so much time. Really good stuff!

Winner: TJ Perkins (***)

Backstage, Titus tries to sell Apollo Crews on his brand. After this, the Hardy Boyz are interviewed. Matt says that it’s tremendous to be back, and Jeff recalls his feelings on winning the tag titles at WrestleMania. Cesaro and Sheamus come out and play nice…for now.

Match #4 – Fatal Four Way – #1 Contender’s Match for the Raw Women’s championship
Mickie James vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

First pin wins. Bliss’ entrance is awesome: The fans are absolutely ecstatic because she’s from Columbus, Ohio…yet she blows them off entirely. Mickie and Sasha throw Alexa right into Jax. Nia starts to beat down Sasha and Mickie, getting a nearfall on Mickie. Alexa slaps Jax right in the face, and this leads to a chase. Jax gets Alexa by the hair, but Mickie dropkicks Nia to the outside. Sasha and Mickie trade off jackknife covers for two. They trade shoulder blocks and Mickie connects with a dropkick. Sasha returns serve with a headscissors. Hurricarana is countered into a neckbreaker. Mickie rolls outside to get Nia, but Sasha gets up and hits a suicide dive as we go to break! After the break, Bliss covers Mickie for two. Alexa chokes Mickie and tries another nearfall. Nia walks back into the ring and slams both Alexa and Sasha. Mickie is then picked up and thrown on the prone women. Nia gets a nearfall, and picks up Mickie for the Million Dollar Dream. Mickie fights up and hits some elbows on Jax. She throws Mickie in the corner and splashes her. Alexa gets beeled by Jax in the corner.

Sasha gets a pair of elbows by Jax, followed by a bearhug. I’ve never seen someone have THIS MUCH offense in a Fatal 4 Way. Banks counters into a guillotine headlock, which is countered by Jax into a suplex! ONE, TWO, NO! Mickie interrupts! She hits Jax with everything she has, but Niz just chokes her out! Mickie somehow turns this into an armbar, which is countered with AWESOME core power into the corner. Bliss climbs up and heads back down the ropes. Okay, that was really funny. Alexa sneaks back into the ring, and she gets into a tussle with Mickie James! Mickie goes for her finisher, but Sasha interrupts! She kicks Alexa right in the mush and attacks her in the corner. She hits the double knee for the ONE, TWO, NO! Nia comes to and climbs to the apron, but Mickie grabs her by the foot, causing Nia to her hit head on the apron. Alexa and Sasha have a great exchange, countering each others finishers! Sasha finally hits the Bank Statement, but Mickie breaks it up! Mickie and Sasha fight it out, but Mickie takes advantage with a flapjack. They both go up to the top, but Nia splashes into the corner! She DRILLS Mickie in the corner, and catches Sasha with the Samoan Drop. Alexa interrupts the count and somehow is able to muscle Nia Jax out of the ring! She covers Sasha for the ONE, TWO, THREE! This was very good.

Winner: Alexa Bliss (***1/2)

Big Show is interviewed by Charly. He declares that Strowman is going to get it, Giant style. Is he bringing the Dungeon of Doom with him?

Match #5 – Curt Hawkins vs. Finn Balor

Yes, you read that right. Balor drills him with a dropkick, followed by a Sling Blade! He hits another dropkick, followed by the Coup de Grace! ONE, TWO, THREE! I guess Hawkins was right…everybody getting the big push has to go through Curt Hawkins. I just had no idea that going through Hawkins would only last a minute. I’m kind of curious if Balor worked through a concussion right there.

Winner: Finn Balor (*)

Backstage, Chris Jericho is interviewed by Mike Rowe. Jericho calls him “Tom” once again, but The Drifter walks by behind the Raw logo! Jericho declares that THE DRIFTER makes the list! After this, we get a weird video with Bray Wyatt featuring weird, morbid images. If I wanted to see images of worms and skulls and animals being hurt, I’d watch the Psilocybin Scene from Willy Wonka. After this, we get a segment where Alicia Fox shows Dana Brooke what happened on 205 Live last week. Emma comes out and stirs the pot with Alicia. Dana gets put in a tough spot, and Emma knows it. Ooh…she’s devious.

Match #4 – Jeff Hardy vs. Cesaro

You know, advertisements before the match aren’t a good idea. Cesaro kips up out of an armbar, and gets Jeff by the leg. Jeff gets to his own feet and they reset. Jeff Hardy hits a series of dropkicks on Cesaro, followed by a dive from the apron to the outside! Cesaro is thrown back in for a two-count by Jeff. Cesaro catches Jeff in mid-air with a powerslam, and Jeff rolls outside. Cesaro meets him out there with a huge European Uppercut. Jeff is thrown back in, and Cesaro gets a nearfall. Jeff hits a huge jawbreaker and climbs to the top rope. Cesaro rolls outside and we reset again! After the break, Jeff fights out of a gutwrench, but he gets thrown out of the ring by Cesaro through the bottom rope. Cesaro throws him back in before the ten-count, and misses a series of nearfalls. We see a rare left-handed Million Dollar Dream, but Jeff fights out of this with a desparation clothesline. Jeff misses a charge and Cesaro hits another Uppercut for the ONE, TWO, NO! Cesaro continues to beat down Jeff, but Jeff counters with a set of clotheslines and a legdrop to the gut! Splash-type cover for the ONE, TWO, NO! Twist of Fate is countered into ANOTHER European Uppercut! ONE, TWO, NO! Springboard Corkscrew Uppercut gets ONE, TWO, NO! Cesaro is building up steam! He tries the Giant Swing, but Jeff fights out of the grip with a kick! Jeff goes up top by Cesaro knocks him crotch-first into the post! Cesaro climbs up but Jeff sends Cesaro to the ropes crotch first! I guess these guys better have worn a cup. Hardy hits the drop kick on a prone Cesaro! Cesaro picks Jeff up, but Jeff turned it into a modified Whisper in the Wind for the ONE, TWO, NO! Cesaro picks up Hardy for the Neutralizer, but Hardy counters into the Twist of Fate! Jeff goes up for the Swanton Bomb and connects! ONE, TWO, THREE!

Winner: Jeff Hardy (**1/2)

The announcers recap Braun Strowman’s path of destruction. Backstage, Mike Rowe is with Heath Slater and Rhyno, who are goofing off with crackers and cheese whiz. No, literally. Braun storms by and they cower in fear. What the hell was that?

Main Event – Braun Strowman vs. Big Show

Booker makes his first foolish remark of the night, claiming that Braun has a “High Fight IQ”. I don’t think Braun’s IQ surpasses 60, let alone his “Fight IQ”. Strowman attacks Show during his entrance, but Show fights back with some fists and a toss into the steps. Show throws Braun through the barricade, as Booker tells Show to “Pick Your Poison”! What does that even mean? They trade hiptoss counters and Braun gets thrown outside. Show hits a baseball slide dropkick to the outside! Strowman is thrown into the steps as the announcers fawn over Show’s physique. I never thought I’d type those words. Show drags Strowman into the ring, but Braun counters and hits a running dropkick for ONE, TWO, NO! There is a bizarre exchange where these men armdrag each other and kip up. IS THIS A RIB?! These two 400+ pounders are doing Cruiserweight shit. I don’t get it! Strowman tries to slam Show, and even elbows him over the head! Show counters and catches a slam of his own! Show goes for the chokeslam but it’s blocked! SUPLEX BY STROWMAN!

Strowman continues to beat down Show, and then he taunts. Braun hits Show with a headbutt, followed by a kick to the ribs. It sounded like Booker said that Braun is peeing on Show. That is not happening right now, I can report. Fans try to chant for Show, but he is not getting up. Braun tries the powerslam, but Show counters and throws him in the corner. BIG SPLASH by Show to Strowman in the corner. Show props Strowman up to the top rope, but Strowman hits Show in the ribs and jumps off the middle rope. Show catches him and hits the CHOKESLAM! ONE, TWO, NO! Show tries another chokeslam, but this is countered into the Standing Powerslam! ONE, TWO, NO! They’re trying their best, I’ll give them that. Show and Strowman fight in the corner again, and Show takes advantage with a headbutt. Show climbs up for a Superplex! Strowman counters and crotches Show on the ropes! They spend 14 minutes sucking air before Strowman jumps off the rope and gets caught with a KO PUNCH! ONE, TWO, NOO! Holy cow, is this really happening? Show goes back up to the top rope, but Braun runs up there and hits a MAMMOTH SUPERPLEX THAT BREAKS THE RING AND BOUNCES THE REF OUT OF THE RING! WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL!?!!

Winner: No Contest (***1/2)

After this INCREDIBLE scene, Strowman gets on his feet and taunts for the crowd. Wow!

Final Thoughts: That Main Event felt like Andre/Studd met Punk/Cena and had a weird, six-fingered, eight-foot-tall offspring. What a wild, weird, and wacky scene. Fun and memorable show, so I gotta go thumbs up! See you next week!

@TheMagnumDA is the Monday Night Raw reporter for Wrestling-Online since 2016. He currently resides in Minneapolis, Minnesota. He enjoys traveling, reading, and playing PSN (ROCKofJERICHO).

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