The Smack is being laid Down for us this week in Rockford Illinois! The show begins with Lillian Garcia introducing Daniel Bryan.
Bryan tells us that none of us believed him last July when he promised he would main event this year's WrestleMania, but he's proven us all wrong. Bryan successfully defended his title at the Elimination Chamber match, despite Santino Marella's attempt to channel Rocky. Bryan tells us that he's the real Rocky story of the WWE and yells "Yo AJ, I did it!"
Daniel Bryan runs around the ring celebrating and screaming YES repeatedly. It sounds a lot more like Meg Ryan's fake orgasm from "When Harry Met Sally" than anything in Rocky. Bryan is interrupted by his former NXT pro and old nemesis, the Miz.
The Miz is actually out here to congratulate Daniel Bryan, and to take credit for his success. Miz tells us he always knew Daniel Bryan would be champion someday, and that's why he mentored and molded him into the star he is today. Miz congratulates Bryan for earning the right to main event WrestleMania, just like Miz did last year. Miz also suggests they form a tag team at some point! Miz and Bryan are interrupted by Sheamus.
Sheamus tells us he also wants to congratulate Daniel Bryan; for being an arse, a hypocrite, and a coward. Miz is furious that Sheamus interrupted them, but Sheamus tells Miz to keep quit and let the lads that DO have a match for WrestleMania to talk. (Miz hasn't earned a spot in this year's WrestleMania yet)
Daniel Bryan hits Sheamus with a cheap shot and Miz attacks Sheamus as well. Sheamus gets to his feet and Bryan retreats to the floor and walks to the back with AJ. Sheamus knocks the Miz out of the ring and glares at Bryan angrily.
When we return, we are in the midst of a match in progress. Sheamus and the Miz are going at it in the ring and Sheamus has Miz in an armlock on the mat. Miz fights his way out and lands several punches and kicks. Sheamus backdrops Miz into the ropes and then pounds his chest ten times as the crowd counts. Miz falls to the floor.
Sheamus rolls Miz back into the ring and hits him with a slingshot shoulder block. Miz grabs Sheamus' arm and snaps it down across his shoulder. Sheamus responds with a clothesline and a European uppercut. Sheamus tries to spear Miz in the corner, but Miz slips out of the way and Sheamus crashes into the steel post. Miz rolls Sheamus back into the ring and starts to work on the injured arm and shoulder. Sheamus lands a punch and whips Miz into the ropes.
Miz lands a punch to Sheamus and then pounds him in the corner. Miz hits Sheamus with a running clothesline into the corner. Miz climbs to the top rope and hits Sheamus with a double axe handle to the back. Miz puts Sheamus in an armlock again, but Sheamus fights his way out. The two men exchange strikes until Sheamus gets the advantage with three consecutive clotheslines, and then lands a fourth in the corner. Sheamus hits Miz with a backbreaker and gets a two count.
Miz hits Sheamus with a back elbow and follows up with an inverted face lock backbreaker into a neckbreaker slam. Miz goes for the cover but gets only 2. Miz appears to be setting up for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Sheamus blocks it. Sheamus goes for the Brogue kick but Miz dodges it. Sheamus hits Miz with an over the shoulder belly to back piledriver for the win!!
In the back, Teddy Long and Aksana are flirting again. Aksana tells Teddy that "on top of every great man is a great woman" Teddy and Aksana are interrupted by John Laurinaitis and David Otunga. John tells us that Teddy is behaving very unprofessionally, which is one more reason John Laurinaitis should be named GM of both shows.
Teddy is not happy to see Otunga and Laurinaitis, and tells them they can use the Men's room for their office tonight. Otunga tells us Teddy's office should be in a dump, because Teddy will be 'down in the dumps' after Otunga defeats Ezekiel Jackson later tonight. I wonder if Otunga came up with that lame line himself, or if a writer came up with it. Whoever it was, they shouldn't get paid for it.
Match #2: Kofi Kingston and R Truth versus Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler.
Swagger and Truth start things off. Truth puts Swagger in a headlock; Swagger escapes by whipping Truth to the ropes. Truth hits Swagger with a punch and Swagger responds with a shoulder block. Swagger hits Truth with a Swagger bomb and goes for a cover but Kofi kicks out. Swagger tags in Dolph and Dolph takes Truth down with a snapmare and follows up with an elbow drop.
Dolph does a few sit-ups to show off. Dolph wraps up Truth's arms and head, but Truth fights his way free. Truth tags in Kofi and Kofi flies into Ziggler. Kofi hits Dolph with an elbow and then a dropkick. Kofi misses a corner splash onto Dolph but then connects with a pendulum kick. Kofi hits Dolph with a high flying cross body and goes for a cover, but Swagger makes the save.
Truth runs in to attack Swagger and both men end up outside the ring. Dolph hits Kofi with a thumb to the eye off the distraction, and then hits him with a zig zag for the win.
When we return, we are shown a video tribute for the latest Hall of Fame inductee: Ron Simmons!
After the tribute, we see Santino Marella using some plastic cups for cobra-target practice. A very silly segment interrupted by Heath Slater. Slater mocks the cobra, and then Santino makes the snake spit in Slater's face. Santino strokes his snake lovingly. We'll probably see a version of this scene in Chyna's next movie.
Just before the next commercial break, the announcers fill us in on the latest in the Twitter war between CM Punk and Chris Brown. If you haven't heard Punk's latest anti-Chris Brown rant, I strongly recommend you check it out. Later tonight, CM Punk will face Daniel Bryan in a champion versus Champion match.
Match #3: Kali versus Drew McIntyre. Drew loses in another squash. Kali wins with the Punjabi plunge.
After the match, we see a video recapping Cody Rhodes screwing the Big Show out of his chance to be the #1 Contender at WrestleMania. Josh Matthews interviews the Big Show and asks him about Cody Rhodes. Show tells us that the next time he sees Cody, no matter where it is, he's going to break his neck.
Match #4: Mark Henry versus the Big Show.
Big Show starts things off with a series of punches to the gut and a headbutt. Big Show hits Henry with a corner splash and then goes for a knockout punch but misses. Henry knocks Big Show down with a clothesline and then stomps on him. Henry drops an elbow on the Big Show and then a headbutt. Big Show starts fighting back and lands a few punches, but Henry clotheslines him down again.
Henry pounds on the prone Big Show and then stands on his chest. Henry presses his knee into Big Show's throat and starts trash talking. Henry whips Show to the ropes but Show responds with a boot to the face. Show hits Henry with a pair of clothesline and a spear. Big Show gets ready for a choke slam when Cody Rhodes comes out from the back.
Cody tells us that since Big Show is about to deliver a choke slam, this must not be WrestleMania. Cody shows a video clip featuring one of Big Show's "Most Embarrassing WrestleMania Moments": a sumo wrestling match against Akebono. Big Show looks silly in his Sumo gown and Giant Thong and then loses.
Mark Henry takes advantage of the distraction and attacks the Big Show. Henry hits Show with a big slam and then a big splash, but only gets a 2 count. Big Show KO's Henry with his WMD (also known as his right hand) and goes after Cody. I don't think they announced a winner, but it seems like it must have been Mark Henry by count out.
Match #5: David Otunga versus Ezekiel Jackson.
Otunga gets the early edge and beats Jackson down. Jackson fights back and grabs Otunga by the throat and forces him down to the mat. Jackson lands a couple punches and a couple clotheslines before picking Otunga up to put him in the torture rack. Otunga saves himself by grabbing the ropes and then takes Jackson down with a spinebuster for the win. Otunga flexes and poses after the match.
After the break, Matt Stryker interviews CM Punk. Punk is glad to be back on SmackDown, where he wrestled for years. Punk also says he likes SmackDown GM Teddy Long and hopes Teddy is named GM of both SmackDown and Raw.
Later tonight, Punk is wrestling Daniel Bryan tonight in a champion versus champion match. Punk thinks being champion has changed Bryan, but concedes Bryan has proven he knows how to win. Tonight, Punk promises to teach Bryan how it feels to lose.
Match #6: Daniel Bryan versus CM Punk; champion versus champion.
The two men lock up and Punk pushes Bryan to the corner. Bryan twists Punk's arm, but Punk twists free and gets Bryan in a headlock. Punk knocks Bryan down with a shoulder block and goes for a cover but Bryan reverses it. The two men exchange unsuccessful pin attempts while rolling around the ring, chain wrestling.
When we return, the two men are exchanging strikes. Punk gets the edge and climbs to the top to attempt a moonsault but is cut off by Bryan. Punk appears to have hurt his arm when he landed and Bryan goes after the injure arm. Bryan lands several stiff kicks and then goes back to work on the injured arm for several minutes.
Bryan pulls Punk's arms behind his back and presses his foot and then his head into Punk's back. Punk eventually fights his way out and hits Bryan with a belly to back suplex backbreaker. Punks hits Bryan with a series of stiff kicks and a leg lariat. Punk goes for the GTS but Bryan slips out. Bryan goes for the Lebell Lock but Punk escapes.
Punk goes for a kick but Bryan dodges it and leaves the ring. Bryan looks like he's ready to leave when Sheamus comes running to the ring and throws Daniel Bryan back in. Punk hits Bryan with a big roundhouse kick to the head for the win!
After the match, John Laurinaitis comes to the ring and says the match is not going to end that way. Laurinaitis says Sheamus interfered; therefore the match will be restarted. Punk immediately lands several chops and a knee to the gut of Daniel Bryan.
When we return, Bryan is putting the boots to Punk. Bryan grabs Punk's arm and snaps it down across his shoulder. We're shown footage of Punk mocking Daniel Bryan's celebratory YES screaming during the break. Daniel Bryan rolls Punk up and grabs the top rope for leverage, getting the win!
After the match, Teddy Long comes out and says he's not going to allow the match to end that way. Everyone saw Bryan grab the ropes, so Teddy orders the match to be restarted.
Punk and Bryan exchange strikes and go-behind attempts. Punk backdrops Bryan to the floor and then hits him with a suicide dive. Punk appears to have hit his head on the barrier at the end of the dive, and both men are down. Punk rolls Bryan back into the ring and then hits him with a springboard clothesline. Punk hits Bryan with a running high knee in the corner.
Bryan regains the advantage by once again attacking the injured arm. Bryan hits Punk with a running dropkick in the corner. Bryan puts Punk on the top turnbuckle and then hits him with a Frankensteiner. Bryan goes for the cover, but Punk rolls through and nearly pins Bryan. Bryan lands a pair of stiff kicks and tries to apply the Lebell lock, but Punk gets free.
Punk monkey flips Bryan to the corner, hits him with a knee strike to the head, and goes for a cover. Bryan saves himself by getting his foot on the bottom rope and then Punk drags him to the middle of the ring. Punk climbs to the top rope but Bryan cuts him off and goes for a superplex. Punk blocks the superplex attempt and then hits Bryan with a headbutt that knocks him to the canvas. Bryan runs back up the ropes after Punk and again tries for a superplex, but Punk again pushes him off.
Punk gets ready to jump off the top, but Bryan cuts him off and tries for a superplex yet again. Bryan hits the superplex (finally!) and then goes for a cover. Both men land on their back and try to pin the other as the ref counts three. The ref calls for the bell but doesn't seem to know who to declare the winner.
Teddy Long and John Laurinaitis argue with each other over who should be declared the winner. Teddy, the GM of SmackDown, says Punk (the Raw champion) won; Laurinaitis (the Raw GM) says Bryan (the SmackDown champion) won. Teddy raises Punk's hand in victory, and Laurinaitis raises Bryan's hand in victory.
Teddy and John both take off their jackets and look ready to fight each other. Before a fight breaks out, Teddy walks back to the locker room area. Bryan tries to get Laurinaitis to calm down as SmackDown goes off the air.