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Hello, everyone. I know it has been since 2007 since I last wrote a column, but a lot has gone on in my life. I lost my father to a rare heart condition, and I was the person who found him deceased. Never in my life have I gone through anything like that, and I am still recovering day by day. There has been a lot of grief counseling and support from loved ones that has helped me get through it. Step by step, day-by-day, things are getting better. I am now living in Texas, have a brand new job, and loving life.
Now, onto wrestling. In my past columns, I criticized the WWE for rehashing old storylines, but, this past Monday, it was a work of beauty to have CM Punk cash in his Money In The Bank Briefcase and defeat Edge the exact same way that Edge cheaply used it to defeat both John Cena and The Undertaker. The first time Edge cashed in his Money In The Bank Briefcase against John Cena, I never saw it coming. It was New Year's Revolution 2006, and Edge had already had a match with Ric Flair for the Intercontinental Title, where Ric Flair won by DQ. John Cena won the main event, which was a bloody, brutal Elimination Chamber match. We saw John Cena survive Chris Masters, Carlos "Carlito" Colon Jr., Kane, Kurt Angle, and Shawn Michaels. Right as the cage was lifting up, we saw Vince McMahon come out to let John Cena know that he would be defending his title one more time, as Edge was cashing in his Money In The Bank Briefcase. I was completely shocked, and utterly disgusted. Although wrestling is scripted, seeing Adam Copeland (Edge) win the title this way, to me, defined how cheaply he got things in real life. I never liked him after he stole Amy Dumas (Lita) from Matt Hardy, who was his real life friend. Lita was injured, and Edge, being the creep that he is, took this time to take advantage of the situation by "nursing" her back to health. He then convinced her to start sleeping with him, and eventually leave Matt Hardy for him. What's worse is that he was one of the driving forces for getting Matt Hardy terminated from the WWE (fortunately, he eventually came back later). Watching Edge cheaply win the WWE title made me think of how he weaseled his way in as a home wrecker. I was so glad to see Cena take the title away from him just a few days later.
The first time Edge cashed in his Money In The Bank, it was a total surprise. The second time, after knowing that The Undertaker was injured in real life, and seeing Edge take the briefcase away from Kennedy, I saw it coming a mile away. It disgusted me, once again, to see Edge come in and Vulture his way to the World Heavyweight Championship after Mark Henry had just done a number on The Undertaker (speaking of The Undertaker, he lives in the same city that I do, and I once saw him driving by on his motorcycle... ironically, Mark Henry also lives down here, too... pretty cool). In my opinion, Edge is a paper champion, and all of his championship reigns have been defined by outside interference or cheap ways to win. Name one main eventer that Edge CLEANLY beat to obtain or retain EITHER the WWE Championship or the World Heavyweight Championship. People boo Edge, not because he is a great heel, but because they genuinely do not want to see him on their television screen. It is the same way that Sean Waltman (X-Pac) was just a few years back. Nobody said, "X-Pac sucks" because of the tremendous heel that he was, or the great mic skills. They did not want to see him in the ring at all. It is a pitiful shame that Dave Batista has had to put Edge over so many times. Edge, and I will put Randy Orton in this same category, is a b*tch champion. He never legitimately won any title, and never cleanly beat anyone. When Edge or Orton is on my television screen, I typically change the channel. They add the value of a jelly donut to any title they hold.
Enter Monday Night RAW, June 30th, 2008. Jim Ross is giving his farewell speech, and out comes Edge. He is getting booed out of the building, because people literally want him to leave the building. He did not get jeers from a great heel interview (circa Ric Flair of the 1980's, Jake "The Snake" Roberts during his feud with The Undertaker, Randy Savage when he turned on Hulk Hogan, Papa Shango when he made The Ultimate Warrior puke tar, etc.). Edge got booed because of cheap references to insulting the Sooners and doing hand signs from the Texas Long Horns. He had his two jokers take Jim Ross away from the ring area, and continued to run his mouth. I thought that eventually, we would see a feud between Edge and Triple H to once again unify the titles and have an undisputed champion. Right as that thought goes through my head, Dave Bautista's theme music, "I Walk Alone," by Saliva begins to play. I marked out seeing Bautista beat the poo poo out of Edge. I wanted him to powerbomb Edge from the ring apron onto the announce table SO BAD, but, seeing him pummel him in the middle of the ring was great. As Big Dave walked back up the ramp, and his theme music abruptly turned off and C.M. Punk's music came on, I started to say, "Oh, sh!t... is this REALLY going to happen?!" I saw C.M. Punk come out with a referee and a Money In The Bank Briefcase, and I was like, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESS!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!" I wish SO BAD that J.R. would have been calling that match! I also would have loved for Vince McMahon to announce that C.M. Punk was cashing in his Money In The Bank Briefcase, much like he did to John Cena. In either case, seeing C.M. Punk defeat Edge the way that Edge defeated John Cena and The Undertaker made me mark out the same way I did when The Ultimate Warrior defeated Andre The Giant in less than 15 seconds. I was going nuts. I could not stop rewinding RAW to see it over again.
I hope that C.M. Punk gets to keep the title for a while, and gets some clean victories over a lot of big names. I would like to see him get a title reign like when Dave Bautista first defeated Triple H for the World Heavyweight Title, or like The Ultimate Warrior's WWF Title Reign after he defeated Hulk Hogan. I hope they do not have his title reign like The Undertaker's first WWF Title Reign, where he defeated Hulk Hogan at Survivor Series only to lose the belt right away at "Tuesday In Texas." Anyone remember that mess? Afterwards, Jack Tonney stripped Hogan of the title and vacated it. The Undertaker, who was (at the time) the youngest champion ever, was ROBBED of his title reign. Although I do not think that he needed Ric Flair's help to defeat Hulk Hogan, they should have let him keep the strap for a while. I was having a party over my house, and when we saw The Undertaker do the Tombstone Piledriver to Hulk Hogan on that steel chair, we were like, "Oh, sh!t!!! Hulk Hogan is done for!" Sho nuff, that was the end of Mr. Hogan. Unfortunately, I did not live in a part of the country where my local PPV Carrier picked up "Tuesday In Texas," so I did not get to see the rematch. I had to wait until it came out on Coliseum Home Video. If I can remember correctly, it was on the same VHS tape that also featured the body bag match between The Undertaker and The Ultimate Warrior. That feud did not get enough TV time.
I'd like to hear some shout outs from the viewers on some of your favorite main events. By me being an old-schooler, I'd like to take you back to Starcade 1989. This is when tag team wrestling was at its height. I was over the home of one of my best friends, Devin. Altogether, there were thirty-two of us over there. We had our own backyard federation, and while we were waiting for the PPV to come on, we had our own tournament (which I won, by the way!). I beat out five other people to become the champion (it was not easy at all... I got injuries that I still suffer from to this very day, and my good buddies "Tuff" Tyrone, Bobby Bone breaker, Mike Rig, and DeAndre "Dre Man" got beat up pretty bad, too). I originally wrestled under the name "The Destroyer," but changed it to "The No Limit Mercenary." It felt great to win that aluminum foil belt (that was supported by cardboard underneath). I was amped and ready for the PPV. We normally used to wrestle outside, but, it was way too cold to do so that day, as this was in December. We wrestled on the basement floor, with no mats. In hindsight, there is no way I would do that again. LOL After some ice packs and ace bandage wraps, we wanted to "Avoid The Noid" and get some Domino's Pizza. Back then, they had to get there 30 minutes or less, or you would get $3.00 off of your total order (before that promotion, if they didn't get there within 30 minutes, it was free, but, they changed that because they were losing too much money). We knew that we would get the three bucks off, because we lived in a rough neighborhood where they would have to navigate through some pretty tough streets. We ordered a ton of pizza, and already had some punch at the house (the kind that you take your knuckle to poke open the top). Everybody put their money into the pot to pay for the PPV, and we called up the cable company to order the show. Domino's showed up 37 minutes later, and we got $3.00 off the total (but we still gave a nice tip). The PPV came on, everybody started cheering. We had the lights off with the Black Light light bulbs in, making my Voltron: Defender of the Universe T-Shirt have a pretty neat reflection. We also had the strobe light, which we would turn on as each team walked out to the ring. The Iron Man Tournament worked like this. Four teams participate, and each team would end up facing each other before the night is over. If you win a match by pinfall or submission, you get 20 points. If you win by countout, you get 15 points. If you will by DQ, you get 10 points. If there is a time limit draw, both teams get 5 points. If you lose, you get no points. On this PPV, there was an individual Iron Man Tournament, and an Iron Team (tag team) tournament. I want to focus on the Iron Team portion.
The first match was Doom (Ron Simmons, who we now know for his "Damn!" catch phrase, and "The Natural" Butch Reed) vs. The Steiner Brothers. This was long before the "Big Poppa Pump" days, as Scott Steiner still had long hair. Rick Steiner was using "The Dog Faced Gremlin" nickname, though. In the corner for Doom were Nancy Benoit (R.I.P.) and her bodyguard, Nitron. For those of you who are around my age or older and actually remember Nitron, this was about four years before he was Kevin Nash's tag team partner. Last I heard, he retired about 1996 or so, but, I am not sure what he is doing now. Getting back to the match, after some BRUTAL action, in what was a VERY physical match, it almost ended in a double countout, with both teams battling really hard outside of the ring. Rick Steiner, with a great presence of mind, BARELY making it back into the ring right before the ten count. In these days, wins by countout or DQ were a major thing (they are much less valued nowadays). The Steiners won the match by countout, and won 15 points.
The second tag team match put The Road Warriors (Hawk and Animal, my all-time favorite team) against Doom. The Road Warriors came out kicking butt, and then Doom got the upper hand. At one point, "The Natural" Butch Reed was about to piledrive Animal out of his shoes, when Hawk showed up like a MISSLE and hit a flying clothesline. I never saw that coming, and I know Butch had to have been taken off guard. Animal, with a great presence of mind, pinned Butch Reed, and picked up 20 points for the Road Warriors.
The third tag team match was The Road Warriors vs. The Steiner Brothers. These were by far the two most popular tag teams in the NWA / WCW (keep in mind that this was before WCW was no longer affiliated with the NWA). In a classic match with an ending that no one saw coming, Animal hit a belly to back suplex on Scott Steiner, but, inadvertently had both shoulders on the mat, resulting in him being pinned! The Steiner brothers got 20 more points, and now had a total of 35 points.
The fourth tag team match put Doom Vs. The New Wild Samoans (Samoan Savage, aka The Tonga Kid, who is Rikishi's and Umaga's older brother, and Fatu, who is Rikishi). Another fun fact is that even though The Tonga Kid is older than Rikishi, it is just by a few minutes, as they are twins. Normally, Rikishi used to wrestle with his cousin, Samu, but for whatever reason, Samu was not there that night. The New Wild Samoans were taking the place of The Skyscrapers (my second favorite tag team at the time), The Skyscrapers could not wrestle that night because about a month and a half earlier (October 28th, 1989) at Halloween Havoc, in a match with the Steiner Brothers, there was a MAJOR injury. Sid Vicious (later known as Psycho Sid) and Dangerous Danny Spivey (later known as Waylon Mercy... "lives are gonna be in Waylon Mercy's hands..." two bonus points for anyone who actually remembers that), the original Skyscrapers, were taking on the Steiner brothers in a match that seemed to get a little out of hand, Tempers flared, both teams started working stiff, and Sid Vicious got a broken rib and punctured lung. The irony behind this is that just a little bit more than 11 years later on January 14th, 2001, Sid was facing Scott Steiner at WCW Sin and had one of the sickest injuries in wrestling history. The idiot bookers in the match wanted Sid, who was 6'9", 303 pounds, to add some "lucha libre" style moves to the match, and wanted him to fly off of the top rope and execute some Jeff Hardy style moves. Wellllll, this didn't work out too well. Sid flew off of the top rope to do a big boot kick, and landed very, very, very wrong on his opposite foot. The result: his leg completely broke in half, with the bones sticking out of the skin. There was vomiting and screaming all over the arena, with some, "Oh, sh!t!" chants everywhere. Getting back to 1989, the NWA had not yet signed The Undertaker (back then known as "Mean" Mark Callous) to take over as Sid's replacement, so since Danny Spivey had no partner, the Samoans stepped up to the plate. During the match, at one point, "The Natural" Butch Reed and Fatu's heads CRASHED into each other (in the words of Jim Ross, who was commentating that night, "Awwww, the sickening SPLAT!"), causing Reed to fall down. Rikishi Fatu was a little woozy, and his manager, The Big Kahuna (aka Sir Oliver Humperdink) pushed him on top of "The Natural" for the Samoans to get the victory. 20 points for the Samoans.
The fifth tag team match was The Steiner Brothers vs. The New Wild Samoans. In what was a very entertaining match, at one point, we see Rikishi Fatu running towards Scott Steiner, and Steiner threw him over the top rope. This resulted in a DQ - yes, a DQ. Although this rule is not enforced (at all) nowadays, it is illegal to throw someone over the top rope. This resulted in 10 points for the Samoans, who now had a total of 30 points for the night.
The sixth (and final) tag team match was The Road Warriors vs. The New Wild Samoans. In what was a nail biter, as this match would determine the winning team, Hawk polished off The Tonga Kid with a flying clothesline that gave The Road Warriors a pinfall victory. This gave The Road Warriors another 20 points, giving them 40 total points, and the Iron Team Tournament victory.
In this era, tag teams were just as important as singles competition. An iron team tournament like this could really build up the tag team division. Right now, you have Ted DiBiase Jr. teaming with Cody Rhodes, whom I dub "The Heatless Wonder." Rhodes, who has the charisma of a cheese grater, and the facial expressions of a box of melted crayons, had one of the most useless heel turns in wrestling history. He had absolutely no pops as a face, therefore, nobody cared about his heel turn. Furthermore, he still comes out with that same ridiculous peg-leg strut. DiBiase, who does have a little bit of charisma, should grow some facial hair, and find some way to get out of this tag team with Cody. Cody does NOT have the charisma of his father, nor the capacity to get the heel heat his brother Dustin received when he first debuted as Goldust. As long as "Team Priceless" has the tag team championships, those belts will be valued at about the equivalent of a box of stale Cheerios. They might as well wear that same 1-cent t-shirt that Nikolai Volkoff used to wear when he was in Ted DiBiase Sr.'s (The Million Dollar Man) stable, The Million Dollar Corporation.
In my next issue, I am going to discuss an angle that was rehashed twice involving HHH that most people may not even realize. I look forward to your feedback! It's great to be back in action.
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