Bewildering.

That’s the only way to describe the last 4 days in the world of wrestling.

The whole wrestling community has been plunged to the lowest ebb they’ve ever been to. Chris Benoit’s demise has likely caused more despair than any other event in wrestling.

As I’m sure some of you are aware, I’ve been on a bit of a sabbatical from writing about wrestling, as little inspires me. I was intending on writing about my views of Vengeance: Night of Champions. After hearing about the events in the Benoit household on Tuesday, I couldn’t bring myself to it, for obvious reasons.

I originally opted not to write a column on this matter. I emailed Colin Vassallo on Tuesday night to convey my utter disbelief of the tragic events. I needed to communicate with another wrestling fanatic who would understand what I was feeling. Thanks Colin.

However, I have so many thoughts swishing around in my head, I have to put them into some order and I’m hoping this will be therapeutic.

I think this is going to be a ‘where were you when Kennedy was shot?’ situation. Every wrestling fan is going to remember where they were when they find out about Benoit’s end. And subsequently where they were when they found out about the circumstances behind it.

Myself, it was 7:24am on Tuesday 26th June. I had recorded Vengeance on DVD-R and had another 3 hours spare on the disc. I thought it logical to put Monday’s Raw special onto it and taped the overnight live UK broadcast on Sky Sports 3. After the WWE introduction, I expected some sort of homage to Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Instead, ‘In Memory of Chris Benoit, 1967-2007’.

I immediately exclaimed “What the f—k?”. I watched Vince in the ring, telling the wrestling world that one of their favourite sons had passed away. It was impossible to take in. I called my best friend Thomas and told him the news. He hates early morning calls, but I was sure he would understand.

I went to work and trawled the net for any information I could find about his death. The full horror of what happened in his Georgia home last weekend slowly crept out during the day.

So much has been said about the incidents, I don’t think anything I can say will add any value or peace to the wrestling community.

You cannot criticise the WWE for their tribute show. They did not have the full details, and if it had turned out to be any other kind of death, they would have been branded callous not to broadcast some sort of obituary. I would suggest that Vince and the production staff are reeling that they did not have more information about the tragedy before they broadcast that show.

It will forever be a haunting 3 hours of television that I will possess for as long as that disc is functional. I don’t think I will ever watch the full thing.

The current suspicion flying all around the media is that it was so-called “roid rage”. I don’t know if this was the case. I think you would be incredibly naïve to think that Benoit never used steroids. Like his hero and idol, The Dynamite Kid, Benoit’s body was radically oversized.

Before I write what I’m going to write next, I want to remind everyone that I am a huge mark for the WWE. I watch their shows religiously and spend fortunes on their merchandise. But I feel I have to say this. My views in no way reflect the views of Wrestling-Online or their other staff.

IF the results of the toxicology report do site steroid abuse as a likely reason for Benoit’s actions, the WWE will have to bear some responsibility. Not for Benoit’s murderous act, only he can be blamed for that. But for the circumstances that led to it, the WWE may have to stand up and be counted.

World Wrestling Entertainment talent structure and wellness policy is a ridiculous hypocrisy.

To be considered for a push, unless you are ridiculously over with the fans, you have a have the muscular frame expected by Vince McMahon. Everybody knows this.

So many wrestlers have unnatural physiques in the WWE. The ones that do have the more natural ones, languish in the low mid-cards or the cruiserweight division. Paul London and Brian Kendrick may have been Tag-Team Champions for a year, but their reign was uneventful and never at any point attracted the interest of the bookers.

Allegedly there is a loophole in the WWE saying that if you have a prescription for any of the drugs banned on the wellness policy, your test comes back negative. If this is the truth, the WWE is in trouble and as far as I’m concerned the Stamford company have no reason to promote their wellness programme.

McMahon even said on the Today show on NBC:

Why? Chris Benoit had a prescription for every drug in his household.

“Last February, we instituted a wellness policy to police for steroids or abuse of prescription drugs. We do urine and blood tests to determine as well as test the cardio aspect of things to test for heart disease and heart failure. It’s a comprehensive test. The last test he took of a random nature was in April and it was totally negative. That doesn’t mean he was not taking prescription medication or steroids when this happened. We don’t know.”

I guess that would confirm that prescription drugs are allowed in the WWE.
Even prescribed steroids?

Can you blame Benoit for wanting to inflate his body to superhuman proportions? Would he have ever been World Champion if he didn’t? Would Eddie Guerrero have been? Would Hawk have been successful? Would Davey Boy Smith have been?

In wrestling in general, but particularly WWE, wrestlers are under constant pressure to be in the best possible condition. To be superhuman. I’ve read in some reports that the fans demand this. Do you know what? I don’t care WHAT a wrestler looks like, as long as he can put on a helluva show.

Which is why I often express my disappointment in the cruiserweights lack of push and continual portrayal as a joke. Like it or not, Shawn Michaels is a cruiserweight. As was Owen Hart. Rey Mysterio has been a wild success in the WWE and Benoit and Guerrero were both considered Cruisers in WCW. 5 wrestlers considered in the Greatest of All Time alumni.

I understand where many writers are coming from when they say: “Benoit the man is something we will want to forget, but let’s not forget the hours and hours of great matches he put on”.

The way I feel right now, I couldn’t give a damn about his matches. I’ll never watch them on the same way. I had this man on a pedestal. Promoted him in this column for years. Rejoiced when he won the World Heavyweight Championship. What he did feels like a betrayal of my love and respect for him. But I realise I am not feeling anywhere near what his poor extended family and friends must be feeling.

I feel selfish to think that.

I send my condolences and sorrow to the whole WWE and Chris, Nancy and Daniel’s families.

What I do know is that, whilst the deaths of Owen Hart and Eddie Guerrero were tragic, I still had a back catalogue of their matches and performances.
I could still look back at their legacies and smile.

With Benoit, I can’t do that. I don’t know if I’ll be able to bring myself to watch one of his matches in a long time. Eddie Guerrero was honoured at the Hall of Fame ceremony in 2006. This Future Hall of Famer will never have his name honoured in that way.

He killed his wife, son, self and legacy last weekend.